GROWING OLDER GRACEFULLY

PHOTO ESSAY “SEAGULLS’’

2012-01-26T12:41:00.002+13:00

I’ve not been posting here because currently my focus is on improving my health.
Here are a few photos taken over recent days. there has been a dramatic change in the weather. We have summer and my walks are all before 9 am as it begins to get too hot for me any later, even with a cool breeze.

A pair of pretty seagulls feeding

The birds were wriggling their feet quickly in the soft wet sand. They reminded me of gathering pipis, an oval shaped bivalve. We go into the sea at low tide, walking out knee deep, sometimes more, and wriggle our toes until we feel the hardness of a shell. Once we’ve found the bed it’s all bottoms up and busy hands as we grab the shells before they work their way deeply into the sand.

Is there anything interesting your side?

What have you got there?

I think they were feeding on sand bugs/beetles. The beach was covered in tiny air-holes and little mounds of sand where they had burrowed.

Beach walk ends here.

PHOTO WALK AT MATARANGI 8.30 AM

2012-01-16T13:48:00.000+13:00

This morning I went for a short walk to the beach.

I’ve gained weight in the last few months with resulting unwellness. To read more about this go to Improving My Health Through Weight Loss and Physical Activity

To prove I went out here are a few photos.

The day dawned brillaintly sunny. A couple of hours later when I was out the clouds darkened.

A SHOWER SWEPT ACROSS THE BEACH

MATARANGI BEACH FRONT

THE RUGBY N.Z. WORLD CUP FLAG CONTINUES TO FLY WITH PRIDE

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE HOUSES

UGLY HOUSE

ROAD FRONTAGE OF UGLY HOUSE

This is what happens when a country becomes too PC about houses standing out from the natural environment. My guess is it is designed by an architect and cost a bomb.

DOES IT FOR ME

I like the natural look and cute too. Simplicity at it’s best. I don’t think the photo does it justice.

TYPICAL HOLIDAY HOUSE IN SUMMER. 8 CARS, 5 OR 6 TENTS AND PROBABLY ONE BATHROOM FOR ALL

A comment about building styles in New Zealand.

Most districts have a code limiting the colour of roofs and walls. One of my mother’s neighbours recently discovered she could not have white cladding on her new house beside the sea. It would be unpleasantly visible to passing boats. We live on a small beach inside a larger bay. The bay is full of small boats, in season, and shipping is so far out it would hardly be aware of settlement. Breaking waves are white. Does this coastline really need such heavy handed administration?

We were delighted to see the colourful houses of Florida, California, Oregon and Washington States. I felt envious that people are given creative freedom. Black has become high fashion for everything New Zealand. It bothers me.

Walk down a street and almost everyone is dressed in black, grey, or dark colours.

Drive down a street and the houses are likely to be black, grey or sand. Here and there an older house has withstood this modern trend.

Black is a brilliant contrast but to see it everywhere is not stimulating and can be downright depressing.

Black can be smart and sophisticated but when it’s everywhere its just plain sad. I need colour in my life.

FIREWORKS ON BRIGHTON PIER CHRISTCHURCH, GUY FAWKES NIGHT '11

GLORIOUS SUNSET

2012-01-06T21:42:00.000+13:00

We are so tired tonight we nearly missed this. John grabbed the camera, under orders. He took the first two shots and came back. Now you know thqat wasn't going to be enough for me.

I rushed out and took the last one just as it was getting too dark for my camera.

One day we'll get the message in time that there's a fabulous sunset and we'll jump in the car and drive 10 minutes or so to the Kuaotuna Boat Ramp and catch the colours in the sea as well.

I hope you enjoy this small taste of the Creator's Art.

WHAT A DAY–SAVED BY THINKING ON THE RUN

2012-01-05T22:18:00.001+13:00

Yesterday went pretty much as planned. We left Rotorua in the middle of the day after doing a little house cleaning for Greg. We arrived at the Whitianga New World SuperMarket at 4pm. We did the trip in excellent time in spite of nose to tail holiday traffic. Many of my thoughts revolved around the idiocy, ours in particular, of travelling on the narrow, winding Coromandel roads at this time of year. Too many city drivers have no idea how to drive safely on our roads, I find it a white knuckle experience during summer holidays…… which for me means mid November until after Easter.

We did our shopping quickly then joined the queue for the check-out. Not so quick. At least 30 minutes. One day we will re-locate and it will not be to a holiday destination!

At Mum’s we organised our groceries filling up their fridges. Then I cooked dinner as I’d promised Jane I would. Mum likes lamb but her food needs to be super tender and cut up. I browned shoulder chops and removed them from the pan to caramelise onions. I tossed the chops back in and poured mint sauce over them and let them cook slowly for about 45 min. I fiddled around a bit with the minty gravy until I was happy with the seasoning and was pleased it didn’t need thickening. All were happy with a tasty meal and there was enough left over for tonight which is good as Jane has a long work day.
i enjoyed not having to get in the car again to drive home. We slept in Jane’s bed and Jane put a mattress on the floor under Mum’s Christmas tree.

Now for today … almost the complete opposite. We left Mum’s about 10 am after giving her morning tea. Ten minutes later, on the Kuaotuna Hill our car stopped having lost all drive. We were very glad it happened at a slow traffic pull off and the car had just enough momentum for John to get it pulled in. This is a narrow road with tight, blind corners.

There we sat looking at each other in horror. We only had 6 hours to get the house ready for our next paying guests. How could we possibly manage when we were broken down 20 minutes from home with a car full of stuff.

Thank God for cell phones. We called roadside recovery and managed to get sorted with a pick-up truck. I called Mum and she sent my niece, (visiting on holiday), to pick me up. At this point we really weren’t sure what we were doing. I waited at Mum’s and eventually John called me. I borrowed Mum’s car and drove to the tow truck storage place. Their yard is close to being full of broken cars. Their business is full on at this time of year.

We had to unload all our stuff from groceries to dirty laundry into Mum’s car and set off again for Matarangi. We were pleased to find the house tidy so we got stuck into cleaning with a very short break for lunch. We had less than 3 hours before our new guests arrived. Somehow we made it,
We bought extra towels Rotorua and I washed and dried them at Mum’s last night. I’m so thankful we did this because ….. it’s still raining, or at least too damp to get things dry. We are slowly building up our linen stock but I’m not yet satisfied we have a complete spare set for all rooms. Our car is full of laundry and I see a trip to the laundromat tomorrow. We are getting fine patches with mugginess, sticky humidity. Rain and plenty of it forecast over the next few days.

Our guests arrived as I was doing some finishing touches. We welcomed them and went into the bus to collapse.
I am very thankful to God that these folk are not so ‘precious’ that they don’t want us on the property.

That was not the end of our day. Remember we had the car loaded from our holiday in Rotorua. We perched on the only free space in the bus and had cold drinks before trying to find places to put all our stuff. No wonder the bus needs a major clean out.I’m ready for bed … but not before I’ve taken pain relief and extra tablets to help prevent cramp.

I can’t believe we managed so well and what’s more we’re not, or at least I’m not, worrying ourselves silly over the car. I believe our calmness and peace are largely due to my determination to trust God and spend time praising and thanking Him regardless of difficulties.

The problem with the car seems to be the transmission. We don’t really have sufficient funds to do major repairs and we aren’t in a position to buy a another car either. Joy!

Life seems to be full of adventures and challenges. At least it’s not boring or dull.

A NOSTALGIC LOOK AT NEW PLYMOUTH

2012-01-03T21:54:00.013+13:00

The rain stopped - almost.

I had planned to BBQ T-bone steaks for all of us last night. Rain drowned the BBQ so we bought fish and chips. Tonight the rain held off enough to light the BBQ and get the steaks cooked. It's been a mostly grey day threatening rain off and on.

We only have one night left here. Tomorrow we will stay at Mum's. We'll be closer to home which is good, since we have a short turn around of paying guests in our house. It means our daughter has to drag a spare mattress out into Mum's living-room and sleep on the floor. Not happy about that but the other option ... We stay until Thursday morning, drive 4 hours and spend 6 hours cleaning and preparing our house is not a good one. We are just not fit enough to do that.

Wayne, youngest son from Christchurch, left Mum's yesterday and stayed here at Greg's, the night. It was good to see him as we didn't have any time with him before we came to Rotorua. He has left to visit the Military Museum at Waiouru. He'll cross Cook Strait early tomorrow and be home later in the day. Amanda will be glad to see him. They had 50 quakes yesterday, including a 5.5. Nerve wracking stuff even if no damage.

Today we went shopping to get charcoal for the BBQ since all Greg's wood was wet, wet, wet. I had planned to take a walk but John reckoned he'd done enough so we went for a short drive around the lake front. And of course I never had my camera.

So that was my very exciting day.

I had some nice comments about yesterday's photos so here are some more.

I have a strong desire to go back to New Plymouth and complete the whole Coastal Walkway from the Port to the bridge or however far it is extended by the time we can return. It is a stunningly beautiful area and the bridge takes my breath away.

PORT OF NEW PLYMOUTH FROM THE BELT ROAD CAMP GROUND

There are many examples of art along the Walkway

THE WIND WAND IS CLOSE TO THE BUSINESS CENTRE

The above photo is not mine so I'm hoping I have not breached copyright.

I have a strong desire to go back to New Plymouth and complete the whole Coastal Walkway from the Port to the bridge or however far it is extended by the time we can return. It is a stunningly beautiful area and the bridge takes my breath away.

Te Rewa Rewa bridge was officially opened in June 2010.

THIS YOUNG MAN CLIMBED NO FURTHER, SAYING IT WAS TOO SLIPPERY

MAN WHITEBAITING BELOW THE BRIDGE
WHITEBAIT ARE TINY TRANSLUCENT FISH
DELICIOUS IN OMELET-LIKE FRITTERS

That's a few more photos a little information about the Te Rewa Rewa bridge over the Waiwhakaiho River on the New Plymouth Walkway.

I found a video of the bridge being moved from the workshop where it was built into position on the walkway. We were particularly interested because the men who started the engineering works, Fitzroy Engineering, were tradesmen where John did his apprenticeship.

New Plymouth holds a special place in our hearts. It's where we met ... way back in the summer of 1960

I WISH ABOVE ALL THINGS THAT YOU WILL PROSPER, AND BE IN GOOD HEALTH, AS YOUR SOUL PROSPERS

2012-01-01T23:21:00.000+13:00

FROM JOHN 1:2

INSPIRATION TO BE CREATIVE

Rain, Rain, go away.

We really have had enough to last us weeks and weeks. It seems an age since we saw the sun in all it's glory.

What else can one do on a wet New Year's Day except consider one's life.

Today I've pondered on my future, but not too much because there's tough stuff to come.

One thing I do know, I cannot wallow in anger, fear, self pity or any other negative.

I've been slowly but steadily gaining weight. That has to stop.

New Year Resolutions always seem a bit pathetic, so easily made and so easily lost and forgotten.

New Year is just a number but it's also a fresh start.

This is more obvious in New Zealand where we are in the middle of our main holiday season. School starts in 5 or 6 weeks. January is a natural time to begin new projects and put in place plans for the next 12 months.

This Blog is no longer going to have weight loss as it's main focus. I want to live a well rounded life and keep this as more of a journal.

In the place where I focus on weight loss, physical activity and health I wrote If I can put it, (diet and exercise), in the same category as cleaning my teeth I will be very happy and satisfied.

BRIDGE SCULPTURE, NEW PLYMOUTH

MOUNT EGMONT, TARANAKI, FRAMED

NEW YEAR'S EVE IN ROTORUA

2011-12-31T21:54:00.002+13:00

Another lazy day waiting for the rain to stop.

Roll on 2012.

Challenges never end.

We're watching a comedy on TV. Miranda. Not sure whether I can stand it for another hour and more.

I can cope with that.

John has just said he doesn't want another year. Why? he'll get older. Duh! He has 11 months before his next birthday so what's he worrying about.

Random thoughts.

Wishing everyone, including me and my family, a Happy New Year and may you/we prosper in all aspects of life.

SUMMER IN NEW ZEALAND

2011-12-27T23:12:00.000+13:00

I've been reading about the mild winter temps in Florida.

Weather for Tampa, FL, USA

18°C | °F

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Overcast

Wind: SE at 23 km/h

Humidity: 94%

24°

11°

18°

6°

19°

7°

22°

11°

AccuWeather

Now look at ours.

Weather for Whitianga

18°C | °F

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Scattered Clouds

Wind: E at 19 km/h

Humidity: 77%

20°

17°

20°

17°

20°

17°

21°

19°

Detailed forecast:

The Weather Channel

Weather Underground

AccuWeather

I think that's hilarious. We are expecting some horrible stuff with heavy rain warnings. That will put a dampner on New Year festivities. Typical Pacific cyclone, (hurricane), side blow for this time of year.

For goodness sake, it's supposed to be summer.

It doesn't keep the kids, big and small, out of the water. One of our sons and his cousin were out riding the surf in 'sit-on-top canoes' today. The easterly breeze had a cold southerly bite. I was surprised they stayed out so long considering they were not wearing wet suits.

We are being kept busy with preparing our house for holiday bookings. We're going to Rotorua to spend New Year with our son who lives there.

Christmas Day we spent with Mum. Our daughter prepared the meal and did a lovely job of it. I took a pavlova ..... meringue type cake covered in whipped cream and fresh strawberries. My brother, his wife and daughter and our Rotorua son joined us for lunch, The night before, on Christmas Eve we all met up briefly at Mum's with my niece and her family. who live in Bali, before going three doors along to visit the Christmas House. It's been quite a relaxed time of food, gifts and family.

CHRISTMAS MORNING VISITOR.
THIS SHAG WALKED RIGHT UP TO JOHN
AS HE TOOK THE PHOTOGRAPH.
IT SEEMED TO BE FAMILIAR WITH PEOPLE
....MAYBE ONCE IT WAS A PET.

MUM'S CHRISTMAS TREE BEFORE WITH ALL THE GIFTS

FAMILY FROM BALI

MUM, GREAT GRANDMOTHER
WITH 3 OUT OF 9
GREAT GRANDCHILDREN

SANTA'S GROTTO

CHRISTMAS HOUSE, WHITIANGA

TRANSPORTING PAVLOVA IS A
SERIOUS RESPONSIBILITY
30 MINUTES ON A TIGHTLY WINDING ROAD

WHERE'S THE FOOD

I DID IT ALL ON MY OWN

TRIFLE, PAVLOVA, FRUIT SALAD,
BOWL OF MIXED SUMMER FRUITS,
WHAT A FEAST

GETTING COMFY BEFORE SIESTA TIME

A PERFECT DAY

OH NO!!!!!

2011-12-23T23:20:00.001+13:00

We had a pleasant day. It began drizzly and grey but we did the washing anyway and the day gradually cleared, the sun came out, a breeze came up and the washing dried, all 8 loads. There are still a few loads to do tomorrow. Some are small, separating colours and fluffy towels and so on. We brought back into the house bits and pieces as we realised we needed them here rather than in the bus.

In between times I kept up with Blogs, leaving a Christmas message as often as I could remember. I’m sorry if I missed yours out. I do hope you too have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. After lunch I finished sorting and labelling the gifts and did a few other fiddly Christmassy things. It was mid afternoon before we went into town for a few forgotten things, (cream for the pavlova), filled the car and the can for the lawnmower with petrol. We stopped to visit Mum and leave all the gifts under her Christmas tree. I think there is a gathering tomorrow evening so the two great grandchildren, visiting from Bali, can share gift giving from under Mum’s tree before going to the Christmas House which is 3 doors down.

We arrived home in time to catch the TV news and were stunned to see Christchurch had a series of earthquakes this afternoon. Two were destructive. We’ve been in touch with family and they are somewhat shaken. Things were beginning to settle down and now it’s like going back to the beginning again as far as insurance and inspections go. All this in the middle of a shopping day. All the buildings will have to be checked and approved to open for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. Shattering for some people. There is liquifaction in the streets again, more cliffs have crumbled and at least one broken sewer. Roads which were bumpy but repaired now have big cracks. One wonders how much more these people can take.

Again the south west area of the city is able to continue as though nothing has happened.

I was checking the earthquake site earlier and there have been more than 9300 quakes in 15 months. Several have done serious damage including the February one when more than 60 people were killed.

I haven’t said much about our 6 weeks in Christchurch during the spring. It was not a comfortable city to be in. Not because of earthquakes, there was only one significant quake), but the liquifaction dust got us down. It’s everywhere like fine talcum powder. We often drove down streets that felt abandoned, some were. Everywhere were unkempt gardens, wobbly fences, boarded up portions, uncut lawns, stacks of bricks, orange cones. It just felt sad and all wrong, because it is.

There have been arguments over Christchurch Cathedral. It was the central point of the city with a steeple that could be seen from many places. Today a little more crumbled. The churches are resilient. Some have Marques on site and business as usual. Christchurch Cathedral is planning a Christmas service under the sky in the park.

All that aside we are ready for Christmas. Tomorrow is mainly quiet. I’ll make a pavlova and sometime in the late afternoon we’ll go over to Mum’s to have Christmas Eve around mum’s tree.

I meant to take a photo of a pohutakawa today. They are flowering unevenly but some of the trees are spectacular.

TRYING OUT LIVE WRITER

2011-12-20T20:59:00.001+13:00

When others complained about Blogger I had no problems. I could write where and how I wanted. I had all the options I could cope with.

I could download photos and generally arrange photos and text in positions on the page I felt reasonably satisfied with. It did take time but I usually got what I wanted.
Blogger has changed.

It is driving me bananas.

I can no longer get my photos and text in the order I want. My posts look a right mess.

So I bow to the knowledgeable ones like Rick and Al and have downloaded Live Writer. Now all I have to do is learn how to use it.

It may be simple for some but I have reached a time in life when it’s a really big hassle to learn how to use new technology.

I am grumpy. I am out of my comfort zone.

We’ll see how this goes and then I’ll decide whether or not I want to persevere.

So far so good and it wasn’t so bad. Not scary at all.

SIX - 00PS! ONLY FIVE MORE SLEEPS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-20T19:34:00.001+13:00

PUKERUA BAY LOOKING ALONG THE KAPITI COAST TOWARD PAEKAKARIKI.

More photos taken on our trip south in October.

This was our lunch break on October 2nd a few hours before catching the InterIslander Ferry.

It's a tiny little beach with fine gravel rather than sand and a few houses clinging to the hills.

The hills around Wellington, our Capital City, are steep and rugged and are often covered in gorse.

THE HILLS

Gorse from Gt. Britain was introduced for hedgerows by early settlers. It is a listed noxious weed and is supposed to be erradicated, usually with weed killer poisons. It has proved to be a great cover for regenerating native forest so many areas which do not make good farmland have been allowed to revert.

In the spring the rough, rugged hills of New Zealand turn golden. A give-away that the plant is vigorous.

WELLINGTONIANS THINK NOTHING OF HANGING
THEIR BACHES ON HILLSIDES LIKE THIS

The days race by and I still have shopping to do.

Tonight is our ~~5th~~ 6th night sleeping in the old bus, 1 more, tomorrow night, and we have our house back for the next week before our New Year guests arrive .

PUKERUA BAY LOOKING SOUTH TOWARD
THE SOUTH ISLAND WHICH
WOULD BE VISIBLE ON A GOOD DAY

Not doing very much. Went for a walk to see if the beach was still there. It is. It's probably months since I walked that way. The shocking thing is how unfit I am. Walking has become something of a struggle. I wheeze and puff. I think some of the problem is my medication but the real problem is the extra weight and my own laziness. I don't feel motivated to do anything about it but I don't think I can allow motivation to rule me.

I'd soon get fit if I walked up and own hills like this.

LOTS OF LOVELY DRIFT WOOD.
WAS THIS A FORT OR THE BEGINNING OF A BONFIRE?

Doing the best thing has nothing to do with what I feel like doing. It has everything to do with making a decision to do the best for myself even when I don't want to. I'm letting myself drift along when I know I'm not doing myself any favours.

This will continue for a week or two yet but I cannot continue forever. Sooner or later the discomfort of being unfit and fat will surely get to me.

WE WATCHED A MOTHER DUCK TAKE HER
DOZEN OR SO BABIES FOR A WALK ALONG
THE BEACH THEN INTO THE SEA AND BACK
TO WHERE SHE STARTED.

Meantime I am going to have a deliberate walk each day. It may not be very long at first but this I can and will do. I've really let myself go and this is the beginning of calling a halt to drifting and laziness.

Tomorrow will be another day of not doing anything much. I will make the most of another quiet day because it couod be the last one for a while.

SOMEWHERE IN THIS COLD SPARKLING SEA ARE MANY DUCKLINGS TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH MOTHER DUCK

TUESDAY EVENING.

I just didn't get to finish this post yesterday.

Another day of doing nothing much. I didn't feel well most of today but will probably go out for a walk after tea.

I haven't eaten anything since 10 am so am now, (7.30.pm), hungry but don't know what to eat. I need to be cautious.I woke up with serious stomach cramps after eating all those strawberries a few days ago. I feel like a simple boiled egg so hopefully that will be OK.

PS. ANOTHER EDIT FAIL. It's beginning to look as though O have to learn how to use Live Writer.

EIGHT SLEEPS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-17T23:10:00.001+13:00

I know I'm not the only one who cannot understand how this happened. Cammy has a similar problem.

SPRING BLOSSOM, (OCTOBER 3RD) NEXT TO THE GARAGE
WHERE WE FILLED THE CAR IN CHEVIOT, NORTH CANTERBURY

Months were spent doing nothing very much. We had a visit with our son and wife in Christchurch in late April. I can't think of anything positive I have achieved in the last 12 months. I'm struggling to remember any completed projects .... except maybe the mosaics. We were just ambling along minding our own business when Whammo! Out of the blue
came a call which changes everything.

BEAUTIFUL CANTERBURY FARMLAND

We went to Christchurch again and this time stayed away over 6 weeks end of September to mid November. Being away for so long at that time of year has confused my pre-Christmas schedule. Not that I ever had much of a schedule anyway. I am one of those people who do little planning and preparation until close to the day but One Week. That's extreme even for me.

MORE CANTERBURY SCENERY
NOTE THE ROADS - EASY BENDS AND LONG STRAIGHTS.

We went shopping today but not one item was toward Christmas. Help!! These days I'm too slow to leave everything till Christmas Eve which I've done many times in the past. My brain is clogged and I just don't seem to be able to gather my thoughts toward important things like decorations and gifts.

We bought picture hooks and things to hang the mosaics with. I bought a hanging planter to go on the fence so the single mosaic doesn't feel too lonely. We bought groceries. The poor little bus fridge is jam packed.

After shopping we stopped to have lunch with Mum and Jane. Jane was so well organised that all the things she needed help with are finished. John pottered around with her while I watched part of the movie Anchors Away with Mum. How come I've never seen that movie before. I'll have to get the DVD. I'm a great fan of Turner Classic Movies and Gene Kelly's films are always special. Who can forget him dancing and singing in the rain?

MUD HOUSE WINERY.
We needed a loo stop and would have liked coffee and a snack to set us up for the last hour and a half of driving to our son's home in Christchurch. The restaurant was closed for a private function so we browsed around the shop and decided we didn't want any wine today, thank-you.
We stood in the car park and sucked on our water bottles and rustled around in the car for food. We tried to ignore the looks from regular patrons as we had our own private picnic in the car park.

I've eaten a whole punnet of strawberries as I've caught up with my Blogging. Yummy!

NOT A LAZY DAY

2011-12-16T23:39:00.000+13:00

Today's photos were taken a month ago at Kaiteretere. On our way back from Christchurch we stayed overnight in Nelson. There was plenty of time for a drive to Motueka before driving to Picton and the Interisland Ferry. There has been an incredible amount of rain in the area over the last few days causing road damage and serious flooding. Many homes have been damaged. The day we were there was beautiful and the sea a gorgeous clear turquoise.

The sun shone today so we were able to get all the things done we like to do to prepare our house for holiday guests.

The house is squeaky clean and we got all the laundry dry. I don't have a dryer so there is always a bit of anxiety when we have a dead line on getting washing dry and it rains.

We had so much rain it's a wonder none of my newly set out plants didn't float away.

We are living in the Old Purple Bus and can hardly move. I'm ashamed of the state I've let it get into. I do hope we have some sunny days next week so I can throw everything out on the lawn and sort and discard and re-organise. I like to have a place for everything and that place must be accessible. Currently stuff is on top of stuff and I have no idea what there is underneath.

I can hardly believe Christmas is next weekend. I'm not ready!

I feel as though I've stumbled from one week to the next with no thought for the future and now it's caught up with me. Somehow we'll celebrate well but I think our daughter is going to carry most of the load this year.

We'll finalise things this weekend. Tomorrow is shopping but not Christmas shopping. After shopping we'll visit with Mum and Jane and sort out Christmas plans.

Sunday I'll probably go to church and leave John and Jane to make space to sort out Mum's garage in preparation for all the stuff our youngest son is bringing from Christchurch at New Year. When we first packed up to live in the bus, 10 years ago we boxed stuff I thought we should keep but had no room for in the bus. All this stuff ended up at our eldest son's place. We decided we needed to bring it home and sort it out. Mum's is the only place where we can make enough space. Stuff seems so important yet it most certainly is a problem. What will I do with my Grandmother's 12 setting dinner set?

Stuff is a responsibility I don't want and there are too many decisions to be made. I understand why families who can, put stuff in the attic generation after generation. That's not a luxury open to us.

We're tired and bed is looking good. 'night, 'night.

A VERY LAZY DAY

2011-12-14T22:18:00.002+13:00

THE LITTLE FLOWER GARDEN

GLASS BIRD BATH WITH PUKEKO ,,, NEW ZEALAND SWAMP BIRD.

NEW TRELLIS FENCE

LOOKING ACROSS THE TRELLIS FENCE TO OUR NEIGHBOURS' ALL AROUND US ARE HOLIDAY HOUSES OR BACHES THE WORD BACH COULD HAVE EVOLVED FROM BACHELOR QUARTERS BUT MORE PROBABLY IS A CORRUPTION OF THE WELSH WORD FOR SMALL.

IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH BUT THERE ARE 9 SHRUBS AND TREES PLUS 14 GRASSES IN THE FIRST STAGE OF A NATIVE SHRUBBERY.

SEAHORSE MOSAICS. THESE WERE KITSETS
AND MY VERY FIRST ATTEMPT AT MOSAIC

THE SHAPE WAS BOUGHT BUT THE DESIGN IS ALL MINE.
MY 3RD EVER MOSAIC

THE SHAPE WAS BOUGHT BUT
AGAIN THE DESIGN IS MINE.
I USED A MIXTURE OF BROKEN CHINA AND TILES.

ALL FINISHED AND WAITING FOR A DECISION
ON HOW TO FIX THEM TO THE WALL

The sweet heart will go in a bedroom, the seahorses in the loo and the fish is for outdoors. I have a plan to decorate the paling fence with various art and craft work.

I enjoy the design part of doing mosaics but the grouting is tedious and messy. I ended up handing them to John to grout. I don't think he really wanted to do it either so I guess I'll have to learn to enjoy grouting if I want mosaics. They are certainly a fun way to liven up the fences. The house is still surrounded by the high paling fence on three and a half sides. I can't afford to buy artwork so will make my own. I love creating stuff so it will be fun learning and experimenting.

My photos inside the bus are dreadful so I'll have another go tomorrow if I have time. It's a real mess inside and needs The Great Tidy-Up. We've been taking stuff out there for 2 years without worrying about whether they have a proper place. I'm waiting for some nice sunny days because the only way to sort out the mess is to throw everything out on the lawn and begin again. I guess there is a lot of stuff I need to get rid of. It's amazing how one accumulates once one stops moving. (travelling)

Today I discovered http://www.southerngospel.com/Solid-Gospel-Radio/ It was mentioned in a newsletter from Legacy Five. I have thoroughly enjoyed listening this afternoon. I will have to limit my listening time or will go over my internet usage.

That was my day.

MORE ABOUT CURTAINS AND I NEVER SEWED MY FINGER

2011-12-13T21:01:00.001+13:00

KITE DAY AT LAKE HOOD, CANTERBURY

The rain has stopped temporarily. Just as well it was a wet day because I was able to focus on finishing the curtains for the Old Purple Bus without feeling guilty about all the time I an spending indoors.

Did I mention yesterday that sewing with a sewing machine is not something I delight in?

Today we discovered I had messed up putting the hooks in the tape. Not only that but I'd sewn up the edge of the tape I needed to run the hooks through. 15.5 metres of stitching to unpick. Some of the curtains were too wide. Easy fix. Take out one panel of fabric and I had enough fabric then to finish the kitchen curtains.

It's taken most of the day to make good the mistakes and sew the three kitchen curtains. I started before getting dressed thinking I'd be finished in less than an hour. John got our tea ready while I finished about 6 pm. Ha! And I'm all ready for bed except a shower would be nice.

Job is now completely finished. ..... well almost. One curtain is too long so needs to come down again and be trimmed and re-hemmed. Done. The curtain rails at the side windows above the bed and dining table have broken slides. The only way to fix this is install new rails. John is telling me it is a tricky job. He'll do it and wonder later why he was so anxious about it.

Today I've spent hours unpicking.... thank goodness Jane had left the quick unpick tool in the gadget box. My fingers cramped. I've skinned a knuckle on some lever or other.The bobbin had to be re-filled over and over and it's tricky getting it back in. I had a bobbin jam. Actually that's not bad for all the hours sewing. To be honest it was easy material to handle and of course it was all straight stitching, nothing tricky.

The best thing is I'm happy with the colour. How often do you go out and buy fabric because it's the cheapest and hopefully will work and it does .... perfectly. Oh Yeah! I'm interior designer of the year... not.

Sage green was the only non hideous colour in suitable fabric at the Glass House, the local Emporium. The interior of the bus is painted cream and all the fittings are what's called forest green laminate. The curtains are pretty much the same colour but several shades lighter and look exactly right. Much better than the previous dusky blue curtains, which I quite liked. The upholstery is a deep grape shade. So our modest old bus looks pretty good. I'm not a fan of green but I really like this combination. I guess because there's a lot of blue in the green. Photos tomorrow after I've done a bit of tidying up to show it off.

Christmas decorations and finishing some mosaics I began in Christchurch are rising to the top of my To Do list.

THE FLYING OCTOPUS. I DON'T THINK THERE WAS ENOUGH WIND TO GET THE PIG OFF THE GROUND.

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMMENTS AND WHAT i DID TODAY

2011-12-12T20:43:00.000+13:00

A really big THANK-YOU to everyone who left a comment on yesterday's post. Your kindness is truly appreciated.

I have amazed myself the last few days. We missed out on normal spring planting by being away in Christchurch in October/November. We came home to a dehydrated garden. Gradually we managed to get the soil to hydrate and now we have rain ,,, just what we need. I've planted out lots of annual flowers. At least the little flower bed is starting to look pretty. We also bought a funky glass birdbath. We're yet to find out whether it will get too hot in the sun and burn the little birdies feet. That would be awful.

There's no point in trying to grow veggies now since they need attention I won't be able to give them over the next couple of months. I've also begun a native shrub border. About 1/4 is complete/ The next stage won't happen for 6 months, maybe late autumn.

A few years ago strong wind blew down part of our paling fence. I loved the openness of the gap but we needed to do something about it. It has taken 3 years to make up our minds. We have replaced a section of the 2m/6foot fence with a low trellis. I'm looking forward to seeing some climbing plants scrambling over it and we still have the sense of being open. Jasmine and clematis would be nice. Must take some photos of John's handiwork but too wet today. He is also organising some irrigation for the driest and most needy spots.

Then I amazed myself by making curtains for the old purple bus. The original ones were water stained and splitting from too much sun. They looked awful but we put up with them because we weren't sure whether or not we wanted to spend any money on it and I don't sew. That was an executive decision. Once home sewing became unnecessary I gave the sewing machine to our daughter.

I used to sew a lot. I made all my own clothes and our children's.

The curtain material is sage green. Not what I'd have chosen if I'd had oodles of cash to spend but they work and the package of 14 metres fabric, curtain tape and thread cost about $90. A Bargain. I can hardly believe I finished the curtains in less than a day although I still have two small ones to measure up for. I might need to buy another metre of curtain fabric.

I'm very proud of my sewing today. The thought of using a sewing machine sends my blood pressure sky rocketing. I had to borrow our daughter's sewing machine and my first task was to try and remember how to use it. For the last 20 or more years I've preferred slow sewing. I enjoy relaxing with needle and thread. There's time to think and less to unpick if there's a mistake. I have never been happy with my sewing machine skills. There weren't many things that came out as I wanted them to. Hand sewing is so satisfying. But today everything went smoothly, No broken needles, no tangled thread or bobbin jams and I threaded the needle without resorting to bad words,

That deals with two major items on my To Do list. We have guests coming into our house on Friday for 6 days so lots of housework to do and we pack up and sleep in the bus. I'm hoping to stay with my Pauanui friends for the weekend.

I'M A HURTING PARENT LEARNING TO LIVE

2011-12-11T15:17:00.003+13:00

I've thought for a long time about writing about this for all to see. It makes little difference now. It will /is public record and although there won't be much in the newspapers I am not living in secret pain any longer. I will write about this once and probably not again here, on this Blog. I'm not looking for sympathy or anger or anything else. I'm stating a few facts and how it affects me and my family.

For many years, something like 35 years, we have lived with a kind of cancer in our family. There's a lot more to this than I will write about right now but believe me when I say I'd rather deal with cancer any time. I've been there and I can tell you it's a lot cleaner and does not carry a social stigma. I've hinted that our family has been plagued by random sexual events that have been very destructive. Family history is a difficult thing to deal with and when it is something shameful, so much more so.

We are a very ordinary 'middle class' family. Some are wealthy, many of us professionals, others business owners or wage earners and all hard working. We all own our own homes, are respectful of others, well educated, intelligent and terribly ordinary. We are also individuals in our loves, likes, choices and lifestyles. Some of us are successful in our careers, others are wanna bees and some are wasteful financial strugglers, others are good managers. We have sound values, care deeply, and are very supportive of one another. We are a close knit family and face our highs and lows together. I'm talking about my extended family as well as our immediate family.

None of this makes it any easier for me to face the latest crisis, which is no longer a crisis since we have been dealing with it for the last few months and it will continue to bring pain for the rest of our lives. My job is to turn the pain into something positive so we can keep on living with courage, freedom and joy.

I cannot find a gentle way to say this. so here is the bare truth. Our eldest son is waiting for his final court hearing before going to prison. He is charged with raping a minor, a girl who was 15 going on 18 but that is no excuse and he accepts that. I'm not going into detail. I'm not even going to discuss whether or not our son is guilty, that would dishonour the girl. But we know our son and this single incident did not occur without a set of circumstances leading up. A set of circumstances which should never have occurred . He will go to jail and his sentence can be anything up to 8 years. We understand that it is more likely to be 4 years.

I am in full agreement that justice must be seen to be done and he must serve a sentence. I have had time to consider a justice system that locks so many offenders up at the tax-payers expense. It seems so wasteful. I know this is a serious crime. But there is a root to this crime which demands a totally different approach. My hope is that somehow my son will find a way into restoration and rehabilitation. My compassion for the girl, my anger toward our son, my anger regarding the circumstances which made him vulnerable, do not over-ride my compassion for our son who found himself as helpless as any addict.

Many people who have eating disorders and weight related issues trace the problem back to having been abused. The hardest thing for those people is to come to a place where they can see their abuser as a person who needs to be forgiven. Forgiveness does not depend on justice. Justice is always required. Forgiveness is dealing with our own attitudes and emotions so that we are not victimised, eaten up and destroyed by the perpetrator. If by any chance you too have been abused, please look for healing that brings you to a place of being willing to forgive rather than wanting to extract vengeance.

There are times when I have wished our son was never born. Then I remember what a wonderful child he was and even now he has many wonderful characteristics. He is flawed but so am I and I doubt that anyone can say they have no flaws. If they do, that in itself surely indicates the flaw of self deception. Our beloved son still has a life to live and I pray that everyday he will discover something that makes life worthwhile until he finds true freedom.

Within our family many consider that at last he is getting his just desserts. That's hard for me to hear. Vengeance heals no-one, neither the perpetrator nor the victim. We live in a world that cries out for tough penalties for criminals. That cannot always be the best solution but balancing the need for punishment with rehabilitation is always going to be difficult. There is a program or two available in New Zealand. At least one is administered through our justice system. None of these programs will address the root source.

I wish we had something like this addiction centre I came across when I was looking for some online help.

The one prayer I ask for is that others in our family will recognise sexual addiction for what it is and become open to freedom from the past. We need a climate where the chains of sexual addiction can be broken and the damage healed. We are all hurting. Some so much that they cannot/will not talk. Anger eats them up. I have no hope of healthy family relationships without God.

Criminal behaviour, like any other behaviour grows in a nurturing climate. There has been evidence, well researched evidence for decades, that exposure to pornography at pivotal ages can lead to addiction. Our son had access to pornographic magazines in his pre-teen and early teen years. Surveys of prison inmates has lead to a discovery that a high percentage had early exposure to pornography. Not all became criminals in the sexual area but all received some early input about the value of individuals. Pornography is destructive. It damages an individuals perception of personal value be it their own or another persons value and dignity.

There are other routes to sexual crime but this is by far the most common. Today addiction to internet pornography is rampant. This is horrifying if you understand the connection between thinking, visualising and acting.

How I really feel about all this.... The shock and shame is behind me. The questions are ever before me. Family gatherings take utmost courage. I look at everyone else playing happy families and while I can rejoice with them I cannot deny the pain that rises up from within me. Having a son commit a sexual crime seems worse than death because it strikes at the core of a person. It's dirty.

I am learning how to live through this. No-one else can fully appreciate how it is although I'm sure some of you will empathise. I poured myself into my family. I gave them, individually, all I had and all I knew. I prayed for them and still do. I trusted them to God. I still think that I did more to educate, develop and bring my children up as 'whole' healthy and well integrated people than my siblings did with their children. My children are the ones who appear to have the greatest number of issues or problems. Bitterness could too easily take root here. I made a heap of mistakes and guilt could overtake if I didn't understand the power of confession and forgiveness.

My faith has taken a battering over the years but this was the one that brought me to my senses and my knees..

It's not God who engineers bad situations.
It's not God, who is pure goodness,
who fills our minds with evil.

It is God who give us a way through.
I am finding mine.
If I weren't, there is no way
I would have the courage to write this in my Blog.

Why am I publishing this?

It helps explain why I have become an erratic Blogger.

It's part of who I am, now and into the future.

This is an unfinished story and maybe somewhere there is another parent who needs to know they are not alone.

My faith in God is real and active.

I want my readers to know that God has the answer at the worst of times.

Some call faith in Jesus a crutch.
At least I'm not trying to do this alone.
If God is my crutch,
He is my strength and my courage too.
I cannot walk without Him.
He is my life giver.

I look into the Father's eyes
and there I find peace
peace beyond measure
in a world where there is no peace.

My heart is at rest.

CHANGING MY PRIORITIES

2011-10-17T12:20:00.000+13:00

Life is not great right now. That's why I have not been blogging. There is stuff going on in my family which is taking up most of my energy, mental, physical and emotional. This is not the happiest of times.

As I seek to find a way through I've begun to study the nature of addiction.

WAKE-UP CALL

I have described myself as addicted to certain foods in the past. I can go without but after a time I begin to feel deprived, especially coffee and wheat products. I enjoy desserts but wheat and coffee are my default products. Neither of these groups add to my good health so are better omitted entirely. A huge sacrifice.

I'm not alone in moaning about food addiction being the hardest to deal with. Our good health demands that we eat. The problem is with what we eat. I can eat basically healthy food and keep the quantity I eat within reasonable amounts. I can count calories, although it's something I loath. I can tweak and twitch until the nutritional balance is perfect on paper. What I seem to be helpless about is my default foods, the ones I go to when stressed, tired, bored, excited, rebellious, celebratory and so on.

It sounds so easy to eliminate certain foods and sometimes I find it so. This is one of those times when I am not finding it easy and I don't even want to try. I don't want to make the effort required. I don't want to do the work required. It's too easy to get up in the morning, make a cup of coffee, a slice of toast or two and slather it with cool butter and top with marmite, marmalade, jam etc. It's too easy to do the same mid-morning, lunch , mid afternoon and late evening with dinner being the only meal with good protein and veggies.

I'm not sure why I do this to myself, but it's my version of comfort food all the way, and breaking away takes strength that I don't seem to have all too often.

I was introduced to true, vibrant Christianity by reading The Cross And The Switchblade by David Wilkerson. This true story described drug addicts coming free by the power of Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus and prayer. I was deeply impressed by the power of God. At that time I was not aware I had an addictive personality and I was acceptably healthy.

Recently I've felt the need to understand more about addiction, how it works, the power it has over us and what we must do to come free.

All addiction has the same root. The way to becoming free require similar shift in thinking and doing. Regardless of whether you are religious or not something has to fill the hole the addiction is filling.

I believe that our Creator is the only one who can meet the needs of the addict.

I believe that only a great intelligence could have created the earth and all that is in it and around it. The only thing that makes sense to me is the description of creation in the Bible. Whether one reads this description as a simplistic description and literal fact or as a process which took place over millions of years doesn't matter. The mathematical detail in creation is beyond the haphazard or ''big bang.''

I believe that the Creator did not have a random plan. I believe that I was born with a purpose. The main aspect of that purpose is to have a relationship with my Creator. I believe the Creator has personality and a great love for His creation. In his plan is a design for me to have a relationship with Him which is healthy, wholesome and for my benefit, my good. The plan gives me a way to know my Creator as my Father. Jesus made this possible and after his death on the cross he left us a gift, Holy Spirit. One of the goals of the Holy Spirit is to free us from anything that hinders our relationship with the Father.

Life happens and we put up coping instruments, crutches which are not always helpful long term. Our crutches take us away from God's best. I want God's best for me and my family and my friends, neighbours, the world.

I am paraphrasing here .... I'm not going to cite the book because the subject is irrelevant to the overall struggle with addiction.

The struggling addict needs to count the cost of commitment to coming free. Questions to ask are ....

#Will I continue to seek God when I don't feel like it?

#When I feel more like returning to my addictive habit?

#When the going gets rough and neither God nor His people seem available? #

When God isn't meeting my expectations of how and when healing should occur in my life? #

Will I seek God even then ... Will I?

Tough questions that need honest answers. Nothing pat. I need to dig deep and be sure there will be no turning back on this commitment.

An important part of the process is CHANGE.

God demands that those who want to be free forsake, leave behind the futile efforts to cover up the pain and barrenness of spirit.

It's false to say,''I want to be free,'' but not try to lay down the false freedom/comfort of the addictive behaviour.

It would appear that there is no hope without abstention. That's tough.

In some ways it's simple. It's easy.

In other ways it's the biggest challenge I've ever faced.

It begins with worshipping my God. This is not an easy situation in a family where I'm the ONLY person who understands and wants this. I am not facing persecution in the way that a Hindu or Moslem women do but it's still a lonely place to be.

Wisdom and discretion and creativeness are required.

More than anything is seeking fresh encounter with God's love. Without this I feel lost.

I'm hoping that being in this city, Christchurch, with it's many resources I will find some help over the next few weeks. We are returning home to the semi-isolation of the Coromandel Peninsula in 4-5 weeks.

MORNING STROLL THROUGH THE CHERRY WALK, PALMERSTON NORTH ESPLANADE 1ST OCTOBER 2011

THE WEEKS ARE FLYING BY

2011-09-23T10:32:00.000+12:00

We have been away from our home for 6 weeks for one reason and another.

This afternoon we leave from Mum's house and have 6 nights at home before heading south. We will have one night with our Rotorua son, cross Cook Strait on October 1st and be in Christchurch the next day. Then the work begins as we help our South Island families.

All I'm concerned about is having a decent bed to sleep.

Most days I've been able to eat sensibly and I even went about 2 weeks bread free but here at Mum's I lost the plot .... AGAIN.

Aside form the issue with beds I'm looking forward to a break from being here. I'm becoming very irritated with Mum and yet she is trying to be as helpful as possible so the problem is ME.

I began today with a peaceful time sitting on the deck with camera and coffee. Bliss.

I'm going to need photos like these to remind me how peaceful life is here

A QUICK NOTE TO KEEP IN TOUCH

2011-09-03T10:46:00.000+12:00

We are spring cleaning and preparing our house for our first international house exchange guests. The couple are from near Tampa, Florida. They are due in NZ today, and we expect them to arrive here after a few days north of Auckland.

John is cleaning windows and there will be a bellow soon to ask why I'm still sitting down. Haha.

So much is happening in our life right now and I'm not really able to say anything much. I considered closing my Blog but this is something I enjoy so, while I take a break for an indefinite period, no doubt I'll be back.

We continue to house sit and mind the pets of friends for the next three weeks and I don't have regular internet access so that is also keeping me quiet.

Blessings all and I do hope your plans are going well whatever they may be.

GLAD TO BE HOME

2011-08-14T20:10:00.000+12:00

So good to be in our own environment.

This afternoon snow fell in Wellington, a once in lifetime event. I don't remember snow ever falling there. So much for me boasting spring had arrived. We had a light hail storm this afternoon.

There were many cold squalls with strong gusts of wind today. Look at our clothes line. I'm glad I only had towels out. After John had braved the cold wind many times we gave in and brought the towels inside to dry.

We knew that cold stormy weather was on the way but I had hoped to do some planting today. Winter with avengeance and I don't think the storm has arrived yet. So sad for South Island farmers and their animals. They have a week of snow and ice with blizzard conditions in some areas.

It's even snowing in Wellington, a once in lifetime event. I don't remember snow ever falling there.

The remaining photos were taken yesterday early in the morning before I packed to come home.

Just in case you are curious Simpsons Beach, where my mother lives, has a strip of black sand above the high tide mark. This is also a gold bearing sand. I hope it never becomes an economic proposition.

I REALLY AM GETTING BETTER

2011-08-12T09:54:00.004+12:00

The weather here has turned mild although an icy blast is forecast for other places. Snow is forecast to sea level in the deep south. We bask in an early morning temperature of 14'C/57'F. I woke up to the distant rumble of thunder and I guess we'll get rain sometime. Meantime it's a silvery sea. In my eyes Spring has arrived although officially it's not until September 1st.

Mum loves her garden and had plans to develop a cottage style when she came to live here permanently in 2000. Mum was already 85 years old and before she had come close to the garden of her dreams she began to lose her ability to potter around outside. None of the family wanted a high maintenance garden so things muddled along for a bit. We have tried to keep some colour in the garden but it hasn't been easy.

We get fierce easterly storms with salt laden winds that will wreck the best laid plans. We also have heavy red clay, which dries out as hard as bricks in the summer. In the wet, which we get a lot of, it turns to sticky pug that refuses to fall off the spade.

A few years ago as Mum became less mobile I decided she should have a deck garden. It worked for a couple of years but again maintenance became an issue, especially the re-planting twice a year and watering. Then there were the years the easterly winds wrecked everything except what grew on the back deck sheltered from south and west by a big hill and from the sea storms by the house.

Our daughter has persisted and at the moment it looks quite pretty with pots of spring flowers starting to bloom and the beautiful potted cyclamen seem to like it there too. There's a geranium or probably more correctly pelagonium, or two that seem to flower all year round.

Shortly I will do the grocery shopping for Mum and see what the garden shop has in the way of 'potted colour.' I need to get my Matarangi flower garden off to a quick start and I can't leave it any longer. One thing I will get is punnets of baby sweet pea plants. We now have the stakes to hold them up so look forward to their sweetness later in the season.

SILVERY SEA TODAY

A LONG WEEK

2011-08-10T17:09:00.000+12:00

We have been at Mum's for the last 7 nights and will probably stay 2 more. Our daughter is home from her holiday but she works the next two days and I'm not up to travelling backwards and forwards although I long to go home and the comfort of our own bed and recliner chairs. Not that this house is uncomfortable but we are better in our own house.

I've had a flu-like cold the whole time. I worry about passing my bugs on to Mum. We'll have to wait 10 days to be sure she is in the clear. The last thing I want to cope with is Mum being Sick with a capital S. It has been a very uneasy week with me feeling so scratchy and caring for Mum felt like the last straw. I would never have managed but Jane arranged for respite care before she left and a younger woman has been coming in for an hour 4 times a week. That meant I only had to do Mum's bedroom 3 or 4 times plus all her meals. It was enough.

I am very thankful we insisted on having a lift put in when we built the house. It did cost an extra $15,000. We sleep/live downstairs so there are many trips backwards and forwards, or up and down. I've been taken loads of stuff to relieve symptoms but was still wheezing and coughing with the least exertion not to mention sneezing. I'm one of those people who cannot sneeze quietly so from time to time the re would be a dozen or so explosions. Totally exhausting.

It was a relief to have somewhere to escape from Mum too. Maybe because I am unwell but she just about drove me crazy. All the things she says and does that I've learned to live with seemed to come out full force. Mum hasn't changed but my ability to brush off her her gossipy, nosiness, her criticism and her bossiness seems to have left me.

I have lost my funny-bone where she's concerned. I most certainly could not care for her full time and if our daughter had not come here to live we would have had to look at a retirement home. My sanity is precious.

I must be beginning to recover because I took photos yesterday and went for a short walk on the beach today. I ambled along picking up shells to disguise just how slow I am.

This afternoon I'm happy because I will not be going upstairs and cooking a meat and 3 veggie meal. I'm not sure what I will have but it will be easy and maybe as simple as a piece of toast. Not a good option for someone who is supposed to be preparing for the Carb Conquest but that's very much on hold until I feel well again.

POEMS FOR YOUR PLEASURE

2011-08-07T20:35:00.000+12:00

For many years I wrote inspirational verse. I seem to have lost most of them but today I was cleaning up and discovered these. Maybe there is someone reading here who needs the encouragement and comfort right now.

I seem to have lost this creative gift temporarily. I need to stir it up once more.

HIS HANDS

Today I cannot see your hands,

Today your hands seem far away,

But I know your word says;

That you uphold the fallen with your hand,

So today from this place of pain and fear,

With hope, yet trembling for the pain to come,

I give myself into your hands.

I trust that you are there,

Being child-like in this trust,

Believing in your word.

I don’t just yield myself into your hands,

But with all my heart, my mind, my soul,

I trust the hands I cannot see,.

I trust the hands I cannot feel,

And I believe that in your hands

All will be made right.

PEARLS

Just walk that path I have chosen for you my child,

I have fullness of joy waiting for you,

A place of life and light,

Joy and gladness,

Serving and loving;

But first you must tread the dusty way,

The way of weariness and tears.

This is the path I have chosen for you,

Do not despair,

Do not be lonely for I am with you;

I am always your friend to guide,

Strengthen and comfort;

Do not feel condemned or rejected,

For I, the Lord have chosen this path.

My purpose is deep within your spirit,

I would not have called you to walk such a path,

If I did not deeply love you,

And know you better than you know yourself,

So trust me, my child.

Your praise and your thanks in the midst of tears,

Are a precious melody,

Encourage that melody my child,

It is a sweet perfume to me,

Like the alabaster box of precious ointment.

Oh, anoint my feet with your praise,

Praise mingled with tears my child,

Is not embarrassing to me,

For I know the heart.

Let me work my will in your life,

For I have precious jewels for you,

I desire to polish them,

To make them glow,

To reveal their beauty;

But I need your permission to work.

Don’t resist me my child,

Tears from the heart are my gift,

Trust me and no harm will befall.

COMFORT

You are in a hard and difficult place,

I am not unmindful of your struggle;

I am with you in this place,

Nothing is too hard for me,

And I will not forsake you.

You do not know the path before,

But I have been there first;

Not only am I with you now,

But I have been before you,

Every footstep has a place prepared;

Be confident that I am with you,

And have prepared a place,

So every step you take,

Will find the place prepared by me.

Be not anxious or afraid,

I understand your nervousness,

I am with you to guide,

I am with you to lead;

The tangled web is not a mystery to me,

For I am your God, your shelter,

I am your protector, and your strength.

Trust in me,

For I will lead you through,

The path is plain before me,

The steps, each one,

Have been prepared by me,

All I ask is that you trust me.

I understand your fears,

Your nervousness,

Your discomfort in the darkness,

I understand your need, your desire,

To walk only where you can clearly see,

I understand your reluctance

To walk in this darkness,

But I will be your light.

The only way to overcome your fears,
Your dread, your nervousness,
Your anxiety,
Is to keep your eyes fixed on me,
For I alone am the light,
The lamp which guides you.

I'm sorry the random selection of photos is not more attune to the poems. I have 'flu brain. The Carb Conquest Cruise is delayed and I'm not too happy about that.

SLIPPED BACK SOMEWHAT BUT NOT ALL BAD

2011-08-04T12:49:00.000+12:00

I'm crabby. Not nice to be around, even for me.

Today is not as bad as yesterday.

During the last week I began to get our garden sorted out. It's not a large garden but the weather seems to have been wet for months and I'd let things go. Another example of order turning back to chaos. I began to run out of time as I could only manage a small amount each day and we had a wonderful day out on Monday so if I wanted to finish the main patch I had to WORK at it on Tuesday. But ... Tuesday we were booked to move into Mum's house for a couple of weeks while our daughter is away on holiday.

Amazingly I got it all done. The patch is finished. So many thoughts running through my head as I weeded. All around the lines of letting things go and what hard work it is to restore order before anything new can be added. I quite like the emptiness of cleared out ground but of course I don't want to leave it like that. I'm going to fill it with as many gaily coloured flowers as I can fit in. I'd like it to have the look of a small tapestry of colour. I finished my laundry, bathed, washed my hair and packed. I did think we would have to buy takeaway for dinner but Mum had some cold corned beef in the fridge so after a short rest I did a few veggies and voila, tea was served. I was so tired and stiff, not fun especially as we are up and down the stairs many times a day.

Wednesday I suffered and not too silently. My shoulders and neck ache from pulling out strongly rooted clumps of grass. Last night I slept with the aid of pain relief but ..... before I went to sleep I did a whole lot of reading and caught up on my list in Google Reader. Today I have a sore throat, not unusual for me after a late night. The sun is shining, the tide is high and a small surf is pushing the sea to within 40 metres/yards of where I'm sitting in the downstairs living room.

I had planned to go shopping but I think I'll leave it as I already have an appointment for tomorrow and I can do grocery shopping after I've had my hair cut. I want to begin buying flowering plants and it's a whole lot easier to do that without John looking over my shoulder. I'll go back home for a few hours on Saturday to continue the good work.

I'm not eating to lose weight but at least I'm ready to be a little more active. I can see a walk on the beach later as the tide recedes. I think it's time I got serious about Lean For Life again. It is a program that works and I've allowed myself to be seduced away from it by reading too many blogs about lifestyle, healthy living, not depriving oneself and so on and on.

Deb and Rettakat are doing something I need to do. They are facing the music and re-learning not to compromise. It's the little things that disarm and disable. I've never felt so well in years as when I followed Lean For Life. It is certainly a bit of a pain sometimes but surely that's a small cost to feel well. I was never deprived, just had awkward moments sometimes when travelling or at celebrations. Staying on plan was always do-able but it did take a little extra effort and planning on some occasions. I can do it and I will again. Getting my head in the right space to take the initial steps is part of the process.

I'm turning the my chaos into order.

Here I come and in a few days time you should see me on the Carb Conquest Cruise with my friends Deb and RettaKat

PRAYING FOR A GENESIS WEEK - ALL ABOUT IMPROVING MY HEALTH

2011-07-27T11:27:00.001+12:00

I have begun using my tracker again. Most of what is in this post I wrote there this morning.

For the last few weeks I've been sliding into No-Man's Land. It's been gradual and I never had the energy to change things. I stopped being concerned for my health. I stopped caring about my future. I looked at my age, which is 72 and began to think this is it. I'm on the downhill slide and who cares? Logically I could live another 15 to 25 years but I stopped caring about how those years are lived. Living was just becoming too hard and I lost interest in doing it well. This sounds seriously like depression yet I didn't feel down or weepy. I had simply lost the will to live well.

I knew it was unhealthy but I did not have the will to change.

So what has changed?

A few months ago our daughter bought me some pills to try as I seemed to have symptoms of candida yeast overgrowth but wasn't getting anywhere with the medical fraternity and was struggling with keeping to the extremely strict diet recommended. It all seemed too hard. The tablets arrived and I thought they helped. Then I ran out and many of the symptoms came back. Was that confirmation that we had been on the right track?

The next batch of tablets arrived and I was away again, gradually feeling motivated once more. I ran out again and this time there was nearly a one month wait for the tablets. During this time I knew I was going backwards fast. I waited anxiously for our mail. I gave up on myself. it had all become too hard again. finally the tablets arrived. This time I have already ordered the next lot to ensure there will be no more gaps. We buy 120 at a time and the full dose is 4 tablets a day. John is taking them also. As yet we are not on the full dose so we should have the next lot in plenty of time. I think we will stay on them for at least 6 months before weaning ourselves off them but that's all in the future. In the meantime we will hopefully restore our health to the best it can be,

In the meantime I have steadily gained weight. Turning this around is not so easy but I'm beginning to do it. I began to feel a change in attitude after the first week of being back on the tablets. I finally got around to opening up my on line tracker where I keep most weight loss related stuff. I do not want to bog this journal down with boring weight loss stuff.

I am not changing things fast enough. Other times when I've gone through the dreaded ceiling I've pulled back quite quickly. This time, while my attitude is improving and I'm slowly getting back my mojo I haven't been able to make the immediate changes that pull my weight back quickly. I feel somewhat shocked when I look at my stats to see that I haven't recorded 100 kg since last November. All that wasted time. To see 100 kg is bad enough. To convert it to pounds, 220, is shocking me. I cannot keep on doing this to myself.

The longer I take the anti-candida tablets, Candida yeast Support, from here the more convinced I become that I was seriously depressed. I'm not out of the woods yet but certainly feel more motivated than for a long time. John and I have both completed 2 weeks of the tablets. Week one we took one tablet per day and bumped it up to two this last week. We can go to four tablets per day. I had planned to go to three starting today but we are both experiencing some negatives. For me it's stomach upsets with gripping pain and at least one urgent trip to the loo each day. John is finding that the post nasal drip is reduced although last night was quite bad, but he still feels lousy and doesn't look too good.

I'm also sleeping better. I was lucky to average 5 hours a night. I'm fairly certain, without any recording or doing the maths I'm now averaging 6 - 7 hours. That will make a huge difference. I knew the itchiness of my scalp and something like jock itch was upsetting my sleep patterns and in fact my whole life but I don't think I realised how much.

I remember thinking a few days ago this whole thing, weight gain and candida yeast problems reminds me of the frog placed in cold water which is heated gradually. The frog adjusts and becomes accustomed to the increasing temperature until it's too late. The frog dies slowly, cooked to death.

I think that explains where I have been perfectly except I have a different brain from a frog and I can make deductions and decisions based on experience, wisdom and knowledge. This has been a difficult time. I can make excuses but this is largely self inflicted. The evidence has been there for as long as I can remember but not always the knowledge. I've had the 'wisdom' but I was too uncertain of my own conclusions. I did not believe in myself, possibly because I didn't want to. To believe that candida yeast is a serious problem and hindrance to living my life well, meant following a fairly strict diet. I wanted a medical diagnosis and support from my Dr. I never got it. In fact at every turn the medical experts I've had access to have pretty much rubbished this theory and taken me down pathways that did not improve my health long term.

The Candida Yeast Support tablets have given me an option I have never had previously. I can continue to eat my regular food and somehow they are still killing off the excess yeasts. Slowly I am regaining the strength of mind required to live a healthy life. This does not come automatically to me.

I am reminded of how easily things, anything, slides into chaos if a semblance of order is not maintained. If we don't do housework the house soon becomes filthy. If we don't prune the shrubs, mow the lawn, weed the garden before long we live in an untidy, tangled wasteland. If we don't plan financially we end up in poverty. If we don't get any exercise we lose our muscle strength and balance. And so it goes on in every aspect of life. There is nowhere we can go to escape from the need to have some order in our lives.

I am reminded of the opening words in the King James the Bible.

Genesis 1:1

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

These last two quotes are from The Message.

Jeremiah wrote this confirming my idea that God brought order to what had been a chaotic mess.

Jeremiah 4:23

I looked at the earth— it was back to pre-Genesis chaos and emptiness.

My personal prayer. This could have been written just for me at this time.

Psalm 51:7

Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.

I couldn't say it better. It seems a long time since I enjoyed singing and worshipping and dancing before my Lord. I don't read this modern version but I think it's time I took a closer look. There has been much criticism of this version but it speaks to me in plain language bringing me out of the fog.

If I've what I've written is truth you'll see me more often in Blogland again.

The sun is shining. It's freezing but I will go for a walk this afternoon.

WISHING ALL MY NORTH AMERICAN FRIENDS HAPPY HOLIDAY

2011-07-02T21:42:00.000+12:00

SUNNY SUNDAY

2011-06-26T11:05:00.002+12:00

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This morning I was looking through one of my favourite websites.

My gift to you today is this very special card.

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FOR HEYDUKE AND LOVERS OF THE FLORIDA KEYS

2011-06-23T10:57:00.002+12:00

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A trip down memory lane. Photos from our drive down the Florida Keys in 2005.... specially for heyduke who is currently at Bluewater Key RV Resort. I'm quite envious. It's a fun, fascinating and beautiful area.

Flamingo Inn at Marathon on Grassy Key

On Clarence S. Higgs Memorial Beach at Key West

We missed out on a photo op at the southern most point of USA because we got lost trying to find a park. The streets were very narrow

Lunch at the restaurant on the beach. We were served by an English girl on a working holiday.

A casual game of volley ball.

I was over the moon when this group of young friends gathered. It was such a normal American thing to do. I guess it reminded me of movies from my youth.

It was a very pleasant day in early March

Beautiful highway

Bike week at Daytona was coming to an end. I was unfamiliar with taking photos while moving. I expected all my photos to be duds so was timid and missed so many better moments.

This is probably 7 mile bridge.

We were stunned by the variety and beauty of bridges.

These Banana flowers were huge They were so intricate in design I was fascinated by their flamboyant beauty

We ended our trip through the Florida Keys at Florida City, an unassuming town but everything excited us. We went to the Spice Gardens where I saw the banana flowers. Everything was so new and different. We were a couple of Kiwis abroad for the first time. Well I was.

John had worked on ships, as a junior engineer, for a few years before we married. He'd been through the Persian Gulf on an oil tanker and into Australian ports as well as a very brief day in London before being repatriated First Class on the Rangitata, a Passenger Liner. The company paid 220 British pounds in 1958 because his contract required him, as an officer and a gentleman, to be returned by first class to his port of origin at the end of 12 months. A great experience for a young, (22year old), working class kiwi in the midst of First Class pomp and ceremony. Some experienced travellers were kind enough to teach him many things including how to manage a formal table setting and after dinner rituals.

Back to our topic. We went to our first Walmart at Homestead and ate at the Golden Corral, John liked that, me not so much. We also had our first meal at Applbees which we both enjoyed. We stopped at Marathon where we bought a few groceries and an authentic Key Lime pie. which we enjoyed but not enough to be tempted to buy another.

I enjoyed writing this. Almost dizzy with the memory of my joy and excitement. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine we would have such a trip. Now I'm hungry for more.

DREAMS AND SCENT OF ROSES FILL THE AIR

2011-06-22T14:10:00.001+12:00

It was a restless night. I did pray, feeling somewhat close to God and at peace before I fell asleep but I woke up after one dream and found my mind running amok with uncomfortable memories that are far in the past and really were insignificant happenings. I had to exercise my mind to stop the flow and recover some peace.

The second dream came just before dawn. That's when I gave up on sleep and tried to work out what was going on.

The second dream .....

We, meaning our nearby family of John, daughter, Jay, and Mum had a day out. It was some kind of garden party maybe, at a large and beautiful, architectural building, maybe a University. The building was modern, with lovely polished timber, glass and steel. I remember smelling roses when we arrived. Inside, I was on an upstairs floor looking for a way down. There were conventional stairs but I wanted to go to an area served by an unusual vertical ladder arrangement of polished timber.

It didn't look too difficult and my companion handled it easily as were others. I was encouraged by a young Asian man, probably a mature student but when I tried it became a stretch beyond my powers of strength, physically and mentally. I became a little desperate before noticing an elevator which I used. Arriving at ground level I was outside in the garden. Don't dreams take liberties with reality?

I turned, wanting to go toward where I expected to find family and found I was entering the rose garden. Again the perfume flooded the air. The roses were beautiful. I wanted to find my mother so she could enjoy the garden.

Mum has had extensive and beautiful rose gardens of her own as did my Grandmother and at least one Great-aunt.

I woke realising that I had dreamed the perfume which was intense but not overpowering.. There is nothing in or around our house that comes even close to that glorious rose scented air. I also realised the roses were more beautiful, more brilliantly and delicately coloured, and the blooms were more profuse and perfectly formed than you would ever find in real life. Was it a hint of heaven?

I wonder what it means. I understand the fear. Fear dreams have stalked me most of my life. When I was a child I used to dream I was being chased by a raging bull and at the moment of excruciating fear, just before the bull got me, I would float into the air. This type of dream is common to those who have experienced childhood trauma. The need to escape becomes like a separation of body and spirit.. It is a spiritual thing and I needed to forgive a few people to experience wholeness and unity of my spirit and body. Kind of weird stuff but God brought me through to a healthier place.

As an adult I began to have recurring dreams of being high, maybe a crane gantry, maybe just high up in a house and either the escape route disappeared or became impossible, or when there was a possible route I froze with fear. These dreams were at their height during my years of healing from past hurts from others and myself. Gradually the fear factor lessened and as in last night's, or this morning's dream, there was an easy escape route.

I understand the fear. I am afraid of my mother dying, not just the missing her but all that it means to not have her around. She helps me stay grounded. It is her presence that maintains family ties and peace.

I am afraid John will go before me. While I'm the one that's seriously overweight with high blood pressure, he is the one who has minor incidents of dizziness that so far cannot be tracked down to anything specific. Some days he looks grey but his Dr. has found no cause. I am quite capable of living on my own and making my own life. In fact there are many things I would dearly like to be involved in but have been set aside because I don't want to live with the tension it causes anymore. We are accustomed to being together after 47 years and I have come to depend on him for so much. In many ways he is my rock.

I am afraid for my family in Christchurch and feel for the people caught in the ongoing situation. There was another significant earthquake last night followed by more severe aftershocks. Stuff fell off shelves again and power went out. The Airport has reported the ground movement was greater than last Mondays severe quake.

Christchurch has faced so many significant quakes it's hard to believe it continues. Last night's exposed a new fault line. How many more? By today's end there will have been 7600 in less than 10 months. (only 5 more and there has been at least one while I write). Granted they were spread over the whole of Canterbury and most were insignificant and would have gone unnoticed except for the GNS science reports which we keep a close eye on. Most of them have directly affected Christchurch city and 25 were between 5.2 and 7.1, two being 6.3. Last night's at 5.4 ranks in the top 9.

GNS Science tell us that Christchurch and surrounding area are experiencing an extraordinary Event which is ongoing for as long as it takes the earth to settle down again. Apparently it could be unique in the known history of the Earthquakes around the world. This is interesting but it doesn't help the people who clean up broken glass and liquifaction for the umpteenth time or those who are living without sewerage in houses that will eventually be demolished.

Half of the people of Christchurch are living in difficult conditions, the rest are unaffected as far as property damage is concerned. Some people have been going out, along the street to use portaloos since Sept 4th. I don't know how they do it. I really don't! They even have to leave their homes to shower and do laundry. It's a terrible situation to be in especially if you are elderly or with a young family. No wonder people are beginning to make serious long term plans to leave the city they love.

And here I sit, an island away, at ease in my recliner, laptop keeping my knees warm, the smell of freshly baking bread filling our house. Beside me, my beloved who is reading the newspaper. I am determined not to fret over things I cannot change. Time for some good music. Maybe a Legacy Five video. Their gospel music is guaranteed to sooth my nerves. Music is a wonderful healer. I often think of the effect David's harp playing has on King Saul.

1 Samuel 16:23
And it came to pass, when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him.

Edit. There have been 7601 quakes in Canterbury since September 4th, 2010. 21 of those have occurred in the last 14 hours, 6 of those since I began writing this, which admittedly was some hours ago.

I get most of my local information from this news site. There is a lot of information there including Ask the experts about the Canterbury Earthquakes.

AT MY MOTHER'S SEASIDE HOME

2011-06-17T11:52:00.000+12:00

OOPS! Blogger is playing around again and I can't get my photos to upload. Why don't they get things right before they inflict us with their so-called upgrades? Grrrr!

We have been staying at Mum's house for the last couple of nights. Jay is becoming anxious that Mum is alone when she goes to work in the mornings. Mum does usually improve as the day goes along but she is becoming more breathless, more frail and has less energy. This is such a drawn out process. Generally speaking Mum still has much enjoyment off life. She is able to watch the goings on on the beach from her chair placed to get the best view. She still has a clear mind although sometimes her memories get a but fuddled but no more than mine. She is still able to control her finances and living conditions. She enjoys her meals, reads fine print with the aid of a magnifying glass, does crosswords and other puzzles, has the Tv turned up loud to watch her favourite TV programmes. The two most important shows seem to be Antiques Road Show and a few other spin offs and Egg Heads a British quizz. I encourage her to watch Turner Classic Movies which I can enjoy too. Her mobility is poor and she needs help showering now. Until last week she was still having baths and getting in and out on her own but a bout of gout which attacked her wrist meant she was unable to use it and needed help. I doubt if she has had her last bath but she will be a lot more careful about assessing her strength and wellness first. She does have a good shower so it's not a big deal except that she likes to sit and soak a little.

It's hard to think of Mum living several more years but that's still a possibility. It's not easy watching her become increasingly dependent and I'm not comfortable with it although being the eldest I seem to be the one who feels the greatest responsibility and this is reinforced by John. He would never let me run away no matter how frustrated he gets with the situation. I seem to have come to some kind of peace over our situation and it doesn't drive me bananas in the same way it was a year ago.

Financially we are in a crazy position but part of that is undoubtedly due to the discovery of how much we love to travel. We did overstretch ourselves and there's a price to pay. We manage but it does mean we have to account for every penny and have reduced and streamlined everything we can so that we still have grocery and petrol money. I find it a little stressful at times but we get by. I'm sure there are still a few more places we can make savings but I'm not yet ready to be stingy about my hot water usage and I refuse to buy cheaper brands unless they are equally tasty and healthy. We still have a good life. Everyone lives with limitations even multi-millionaires, although I can't think what they would go without.

The Christchurch earthquakes have affected us all. When we were in Christchurch three weeks ago, it didn't seem so bad but then we were in a low point regarding the frequency and strength of the quakes. Since Monday's quake which was equal to the big February one, we are all edgy. Will there be another and how will the people cope and how will our country cope? It's very unsettling. Our city son, the one we stayed with would like to plan to leave the city but ..... his wife is growing a small business in spite of the disruption. Her parents are unlikely to move away and they need the support of their two daughters. Wayne and Amanda have a house in the affected area which will probably be hard to sell. It is on the fringe of the area which will become a 'No Build Zone.' They have a mortgage. You can't walk away from some situations without a plan. Most of the city is unscathed but the devastation is extensive. They will stay.

The city will rebuild and be beautiful again but it's going to take a long time. It will be interesting to look upon the changes in say 10 years. I can understand that some people are showing the same kind of trauma found in war zones. The worst part must be the inability to see a stable future and fear of the unknown. You watch people's faces and no matter how stoic they appear, fear darkens their eyes and tell tale muscles tense.

Here I am an Island away feeling so anxious for them all. It is affecting my sleep and my mood. The amazing thing is that although I'm not trying to diet I seem to have found a comfortable place where most days I eat well and continue to work toward my weight loss. I'm also taking herbal capsules called Candida Yeast Support. After more than a month some of my symptoms seem to be abating. I've ordered another month's supply but will share these with John because he has Chronic Sinus. It is messing up his general health and I apparently candida yeast can be a major contributing factor. It's expensive and will cost us $100 a month but it's worth it if his symptoms are significantly relieved because traditional medicine is not offering him anything. So far our beautiful daughter has paid but I will have to start reimbursing her now.

Was that a gloomy post? Maybe it's the weather. Grey, cold and raw with wind from the south east whistling around the house and grey seas crashing onto the beach 30 or 40 metres/yards away.

All in all I'm happy with where I am and the kind of day I'm having, but I know it could be better. A walk in the wind would do me good but do I have the will to get out there? That's the Big Question for me today.

MORE EARTHQUAKES IN CHRISTCHURCH

2011-06-14T09:34:00.009+12:00

SEA OF SILT: A street in the eastern suburb of Bexley is again covered in sludge after liquefaction.

This is so demoralising. I feel very blue and I don't even live there and my family is not in danger.

Evacuated again

I've posted on my NZ Diary The previous post is also worth a quick look. It's about an iconic sheep. I was talking to my hairdresser about it taking a lead in the news for the day and she said she got quite teary. Joanie is an American and had a successful business in LA. Only in New Zealand could a sheep become world famous.

I have another day at home then tomorrow is my 72nd birthday and we will spend the day with Mum. I am cooking dinner so am now going to hunt up simple but yummy recipes for what I think I want. Possibly Thai stir-fry chicken followed by lemon dessert with cherry sauce. These are not the usual foods I would choose but what are hanging around my brain right now and making my mouth water. I'm tossing up between plain long grain rice and wild rice.

Time for breakfast. I'll be eating according to plan today after a good night's sleep. The previous night I read too late then stayed in bed to finish my book not getting up until midday. Not the best plan but I enjoyed my day.

Although it's fine here the temperatures are dropping and there's plenty of cloud. We are affected by the chillean volcanic cloud. A walk remains on my agenda. Right now I'm debating whether I should plan to walk alternate days until I am a little stronger. Currently the plan to walk daily is leading to failure.

I'm going to have a good day, you too.

I guess I should give credit to various news media for the photos which were collected from different places on the internet.

I'M GOING TO HAVE A LEISURELY DAY AT HOME

2011-06-11T08:06:00.005+12:00

Shells at Matarangi. In the last few days the sea has been rough enough to tear up the sea bed and toss up shells by the bucketload.

The following is part of a comment I left on Phyllis's, The Easts Head West, most recent post.

"Reading all the comments is so heartwarming. What a great bunch of people we have come to know in this new age of communication. extra addition - I'm sorry there is not always enough time or energy in a day to comment on all I read. Do you think I have too many Blogs on my reading list? There is another complication that goes with chronic fatigue .... brain fudge, which leaves me with no energy to think, write or type. I can assure you though, that if I follow your Blog I read almost every post.

I'm so glad we both have our faith in God to see us through the difficult days. Days when we wish it was all over and days when we dread that we will no longer have our mothers. Days when difficult decisions must be made and days when we are exhausted by all that goes with seeing that our mothers get proper care balanced with maintaining our own lives as well as we can.

Like you I have a wonderfully supportive husband. John brings me back to reality when I want to run away. Last night I came home to a warm house and dinner almost ready to go on our plates. That's true love."

From Simpsons Beach late afternoon sun catches Shakespeare Cliff. This is a historic landmark named by Captain Cook on his first voyage to New Zealand. It is probably named after a part of the White Cliffs of Dover.

Yesterday went smoothly. The drive there and back which is a chore was made lighter when determined to sing and praise my God most of the distance. The lady who comes in as Mum's carer is young enough to have the energy but mature enough to get on well with Mum and meet her needs appropriately. She told Mum she has been married 19 years. She must have been a child bride as my guess would have put her in her early 30s. She has a slight English accent so that pleases Mum too.

Mum wasn't feeling great but most of that was down to the gout pills.Her wrist had been aching for a few days and since she'd been doing some writing we put it down to that. But then it really flared up with the full blown pain and heat of gout. Mum takes a fairly massive dose of Furosemide, (Lasix), a diuretic, to prevent a build up of fluid from around her heart. This in turn provides a perfect climate for acid build up and gout. The gout pills make her feel quite ill so she isn't interested in eating or drinking and we have to be on the ball with regular cups of tea and tempting food. Making sure she drinks enough is imperative and we also give her electrolytes from time to time.

Pretty reflections from the sunset, remember we are on the east coast. The brisk walker in silhouette is not me. I wish I looked so good.

I have added the photos from my walks at the beginning of the week. Today might stay rain free for long enough since I missed out yesterday I will be disappointed if I miss today as well.

My plan to treat bread and baked goods as an indulgence seems to be working. Both our daughter and daughter-in-law are working at weight loss. We can encourage each other although I feel the need to be very sensitive where Jay is concerned as she can be very touchy with me. I understand that. My mother can trigger the opposite of what she intends in me too.

On a Hurray note. Mum gave me some cash on Wednesday for groceries I had purchased for her. I was so sure I'd put it in my bag but couldn't find it and because I've been functioning like a Zombie I couldn't imagine what I might have done with it. $30 means a lot to us and to displace it was distressing, especially when I began to think I'd posted it with Mum's letters or maybe it had gone out with the trash. This morning I followed what has become my normal morning routine, and got a cappuccino sachet out of the box and low and behold the $30 popped out too. Yay!

One day I will take the time to learn to put my photos through one of the editing thingies and straighten them up. I have come to the conclusion that as I press the button to snap I also tilt the camera. This result s in some hilariously tilted horizons and water running up-hill. Meantime they remain a record of the beauty around us.

ANOTHER DAY WITH MUM

2011-06-10T08:43:00.004+12:00

Fourth day in a row I've had to shake myself awake and go to Mum's in the morning. It upsets my whole system when I have to set my schedule to someone else's timetable day after day. Today Mum has a carer come at 11 am and she helps Mum with showering, particularly rubbing moisturising lotion on her back. We have a new, younger woman and we all have to get used to it.. I have to show her the ropes, Mum is not always clear or good at expressing what she wants. On the other hand she always lets Jay and I know what displeases here.

I will be out of my comfort zone. It's not easy to tell someone what they should be doing and how to do it in front of Mum who still has all her marbles and doesn't like to think she cannot handle a situation. I wish we had trained people but these carers are only given rudimentary instructions.

I am procrastinating right now because I do not want to go. I do not want to drive the car in the rain, over the hill and we are getting fairly heavy rain. I do not want to stand in my mother's house giving a stranger instructions. I am struggling to look after me let alone see that Mum's needs are met. I cannot delay getting organised much longer. As soon as I post this I will have to 'suck it up' and get on my way.

Mum has gout in her wrist so there's not much she can do today.

So far I've kept to my plan but there will not be a walk today and I'm trying to think through my food so that I can manage without going way off plan. I haven't lost any significant weight but I have decided weight loss is a bonus this week. Sticking to my plan and establishing a routine that will see me through days like today is more important than fussing about how many calories I am consuming.

9 am and I have no enthusiasm for this day. It can only get better ...... hopefully.

TOO TIRED TO WRITE

2011-06-08T20:15:00.002+12:00

Stuff to say both here and here but I've said all I have energy to write here.

Just one thing.

I chose an 'indulgence' for each day of the week, something I would eat as part of a main meal or snack. I have found myself wanting to make a large buttered sandwich several times and each time I remembered I had an indulgence for later and if I ate that sandwich I lost my indulgence, Since bread is my indulgence twice a week I have been able to say to myself, hang on.

Previously I have never been able to defer food as successfully and it's been reasonably painless too. I'm only half way through the first week so too early to say I have at last found a successful long-term strategy.

Small beginnings. I'm reminded of the Tippy Toe Diet. Your plan must be rubbing off on me.

Blessings

STARTING OVER IS NOT EASY

2011-06-06T08:56:00.005+12:00

I did get up and dressed and ready to walk. A shower came over so I had a cappuccino.

It's warm and humid. Not at all June, mid-winter, weather.

I walked about 45 minutes.... pathetic since my distance was barely a kilometre or 0.5 mile.

But I did it, huffing and puffing, my right leg aching mildly with possible sciatica and my shoulders grumbling in spite of taking pain relief first thing.

But I did it.

Kicking myself all the way for not maintaining past fitness levels. This is starting from scratch and it takes mental strength. The older body has no bounce back anymore. I have to work at this, reminding myself, every step, it can be done. There are people 20 years older than me who are fitter, healthier, stronger and all because they never let themselves go in the first place.

Some people do not consciously have to work at maintaining their health and fitness. Who are they? Is that just an envious perception I have?

Whatever other people do or do not do there is no point in comparisons. I am blessed with comparatively good health. There are also many my age and younger who do not have the choices I have. For various reasons they are already struggling with poor health and/or disability.

Time to stop beating myself up and feeling ashamed of my past. Poor choices, chaotic eating patterns, laziness, letting myself go to pot, struggling against fatigue syndrome, are all in the past. Maybe some of those things will overtake me again but I have the ability to modify the damage.

I felt a huge amount of shame as I walked out today. That was interesting because I don't think I've admitted it before. It's something I put a lid on. Shame is powerful. It makes me want to rush back indoors and hide my feebleness from others. I constantly remind myself that only the strong take a stand and walk when their body wants to climb into the recliner again..

I am terribly ashamed of my body, It's size, shape, flabbiness. I want to hide and not acknowledge this. For years I put on a happy face. It was part of pretending to others there is nothing wrong.

A lot of energy is used up covering shame. That energy can be better utilised being active.

This shame is a hangover from my childhood. Another thing that I thought was totally dealt with yet was not. Another layer of onion skin to peel away. Recovery from one's past can be such a frustrating business. Just as you think you've reached the sweet heart of life you find another layer to peel away. I've been on a 42 year journey of self discovery and improvement. I decided long ago there is no point going fishing inside myself, trying to dig up inner angst and motives. but sometimes, like today, there is a revelation. So much of my life has been lived in an effort to look good on the outside that the junk has become deeply buried. I've learned to wait patiently because God always brings it to the surface for me to recognise and deal with, but it's His timing.

You could say I've learned to fake it till I make it.

Looking good on the outside is not only striving to please others. It's a survival tactic. Had I worn shame on my sleeve I would have been totally crippled. By squishing it down until even I could not recognise it, I've been able to function. Imperfect is better than not at all.

Today I'm kicking shame right out of my life.

So what if I am unfit and waddle when I walk? So what if I'm so round I could be mistaken for a giant beach ball?

I am who I am and I am brave and courageous because I am unwilling to let the status quo continue. One day I will walk a marathon or similar. One day I will wear clothes as slinky as my age will let me get away with.

My One Day will come because I'm not ashamed to do the work to achieve it. It doesn't matter what other people see or think because it's all about how I think and what I do about it.

I selected a bunch of random photos just because I wanted to. Some were taken by others in our family.

STARTING OVER

2011-06-05T22:03:00.004+12:00

I haven't been looking after myself in a healthy way. I've gained weight and become a couch potato not to mention mouse potato.

Something had to be done. I've posted some thoughts and a plan into my tracker. Today begins a new approach that hopefully will keep me more stable and work long term. The longest I've stuck with anything, (except God, my husband, children and family), has been about 6 months. I'm not good at long term commitment where there's a choice.

The sun came out after a wet and windy day yesterday. Today my head felt clearer than usual. I slept badly last night but had a long sleep this afternoon.

There's a lot of insanity in my life around food and weight. Today I'm trying to be rational and make some choices that are wise and will stand the test of time. How's that for an almost 72 year old.

My tracker is here
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RELATIONSHIPS

2011-06-01T11:44:00.008+12:00

A HAPPY FAMILY CELEBRATION

I've been pondering some things that puzzle me greatly.

I've been deeply disturbed by what appears to be a lack of loyalty by a young woman who has separated from her husband of about 15 years. I knew there were things that they both struggled with but I thought they were mature enough to work them through especially considering some of the life experiences they have shared. They spent years going though infertility treatment to have their two beautiful children. They lost their first baby and had to have it removed by 'therapeutic abortion.' All this was apparently behind them and they were settled into 'normal' family life. They are both Christians so at least had their faith in common even if their backgrounds were very different. I still don't understand why one chose to leave the other knowing the devastation this can cause children but I guess she had tried everything she knew and needed to do this for her own health and sanity.

I am also deeply concerned for another person who is in a toxic relationship and is so loyal he will not be the one to end it.

Today I am pondering the foolishness of people who remain loyal to a person who is doing their well-being and lifestyle immense harm. I understand there is a payoff in the form of companionship and to some degree sharing two incomes to support a lifestyle. Loneliness and money are terrible masters.

We are encouraged to be loyal at all costs. Laying down one's life for another is seen as honourable.

Even Jesus said if a man smite you on the face turn the other cheek. Did he really mean to invite them to hit you again? That sounds pretty foolish and wasteful of one's energy to me. I think he meant us to be forgiving and not retaliate or be vengeful. I think he meant us to get on with our own life and be gracious. I don't think for one minute he was advocating that you become a punching bag. Returning graciousness for evil is turning the other cheek. Accepting another persons abuse of you is not loyalty.

I value loyalty. It has stood me in good stead throughout my marriage with all its highs and lows. But is the cost of loyalty too high in some instances?

I don't have an answer but I think I am seeing another side of the coin.

It takes a huge amount of courage to break out of a relationship that is not good for one. It involves changing our viewpoint from thinking we can change the other person or living in hope they will change. It means understanding and accepting that we are worthy of better. It means facing opprobrium form people who do not know the whole story. It means being honest with ourselves and facing up to breaking through the barrier of false loyalty that holds many people in unhealthy relationships.

Consider this. Loyalty among criminals is quite powerful and frequently enforced with violence and/or blackmail. Toxic relationships are no better.

Whatever ideas we may have stuck in our heads we need to look more closely at why we remain loyal. Are our reasons noble or self harming?

I never understood fully why so many people trying to break free of unhealthy eating habits and lose weight often find they have to discard certain relationships along the way. I do know that as a Christian I am more discerning about the people I grow close to. I am never comfortable in the company of gossips, for instance.

Choosing to break away remains a hard decision. When is loyalty toxic? When is faith in God to change things better than walking away from a difficult situation? Some relationships are so bad you have to be pretty dull not to see the need to get out. Are their times when God wants us to remain? Is there a purpose beyond our immediate eyes that is good in the long term? I am discovering an area of 'greyness' I wasn't aware of.

WEDDING .... THIS ARTICLE IS IN NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN THIS PHOTO, NOR DO MY COMMENTS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES

Marriage vows include, 'For better or for worse, In sickness and in health, until death do us part.' Loyalty in marriage is based on these vows and most of us would only consider breaking up our marriage for physical/sexual abuse or unfaithfulness. We draw a strong line which is not to be crossed.

Stay or leave? A tricky question. I guess the answer can only be found in assessment of each individuals circumstances.

In the light of my limited knowledge and insight I still think I need to ask God to release the someone who is special to me from a toxic relationship or break through into their lives in a way that will eventually bring good health to them both. It's time to call STOP. This has gone far enough and I can no longer be a silent witness to this situation. My silence is collusion, acceptance of a bad situation. On the other hand it is not wise to talk openly and freely about another. That would be construed as gossip and neither honouring or helpful.

This is where my faith kicks in. I don't have to confront anyone. I don't need to say anything which will alienate them. I believe that as I pray God will hear me and move heaven and earth to work His good into this situation. Prayer in the secret place has great value.

I can't believe the degree to which my lack of self worth, and shame have impacted others.

I was proud, brainy, considered myself a little better than most but I had no idea what was lurking under the surface. I thought I would have a family something like the one Norman Rockwell painted titled Thanksgiving. Glorious but unreal fantasy as it has turned out. God has changed me but my children bear the consequences of my own toxic spirit and behaviour. It's time to break the chains.

I so admire Christine of A Deliberate Life. She discovered early enough in life that chains must be broken and her children will benefit greatly.

The wonderful thing is that it's never too late. Those of you who are Christians I do invite you to pray for my family. We may not be murderers in the physical sense but my children carry a heavy burden from my past and their own.

Thank God He sent the Rainbow. Enough is Enough.

Joel 2:25 (King James Version)

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

And ye shall know that I am in the midst .... and that I am the LORD your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.

Well, this post did not go quite where I expected but I'm leaving it as is because this is an important discussion for many families and many who are on the weight loss part of their lives.

THIS IS WHAT WE SAW TODAY ......PHOTOS

2011-05-30T23:28:00.009+12:00

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I hope this is set up so it's easy to follow on all computers. I've had a terrible time getting my photos loaded then getting my captions in approximately the right place. At one point Blogger locked up and I thought I would lose everything. I copied it onto MS Office Writer which I totally dislike and it played havoc with html. Since I'm totally ignorant of what this does I just kept playing around until it look OK on my laptop screen. This might be a good reason to try Live Writer once more but last time I installed L.W. it seemed to stall out my laptop completely.

I'm really tired tonight. We spent the day shopping, photo op tripping, visiting Amanda's parents and having our country son visit us for the evening. It's as though suddenly all the things that I planned to spread over two weeks happened on our last day. We will need to be up reasonably early as I still have my case to pack and we must be ready before 9.30 am.

I have been feeling better the last two days but still in some pain from the seat belt bruising. I suspect it will take a few weeks to completely go. It hurts to sneeze and something has triggered a fit of sneezing in the last few hours. At least I had today doing some of the things I wanted to do. We had a chilly frost this morning followed by a beautiful day. I found myself removing layer after layer until I had only a thin top over my bra. It was warmer here than many of our mid-summer days. Right now, nearly mid-night, the fire is keeping the house warm and I'm in my thin nightie and robe. Outside it's beginning to freeze again.

Cranes, diggers, demolition machinery have become the norm in central Christchurch.

The skyline is littered with cranes. This one hovers over the dome on the Catholic Basilica

STREETSCAPE

Historic Canterbury Brewery, red building on the left. We believe the stack on the right is also part of this historuc brewery. The whole complex is to be demolished and beer is being brewed in Auckland and Dunedin.

This was a two storied building before the February quake

A new Park covering a site where buildings were demolished after the November, 2010 quake. Many businesses once operated on this corner. One of the things that brought tears to my eyes several times was seeing the smaller business premises like the Corner Dairies closed and barricaded for public safety. So many livelihoods lost.

Polytech students are designing Gap Fillers. This isn't a great photo of what they are up to. We saw another sight being 'landscaped' with haybales and ????

So many gaps

Spectacularly damaged two storied house. The owner was in the kitchen at the rear of the house. He escaped unscathed but how frightening it must have been.

Sign at the main entrance to a major retailer of electronics, Dick Smith. The building covered a large city block

The cone from the front roof sits alongside. This is the Great Hall, part of the original University of Canterbury buildings and now a part of the Arts Centre, a large complex which is estimated will be 15 years in restoration.

This is all that's left of the old Christchurch Girl's High

Again I failed to make the best of my photo op. This is Christchurch Central Fire Station. The Engines are now located in a temporary garage across one of the closed roads.

I HAVE HOPE

2011-05-27T17:38:00.003+12:00

I have never known how to effectively visualize to help me reach my goals. I know it is a useful tool used by many successful people and including most sports stars. I know it is recommended and there is even an exercise for it in my Lean For Life Workbook but I always skimmed that chapter because I couldn't quite grasp the technique. Today Christine posted a simple example of what she is doing and suddenly I begin to 'get it.'

Christine wrote:-

But I have been doing visualization exercises lately.

Like try this: When you want to eat your favorite binge food, imagine yourself standing naked on the scale in front of your bathroom mirror. And watch yourself eating that food. Standing there. Naked, on the scale, in front of the mirror. Is it worth it? Does it suddenly not taste so good??

Can you visualize yourself at your goal weight? Maintaining your goal weight? What does it look like and feel like? Are you more comfortable? More confident?

I think I will meditate on this and put it into practice, but I don't think I'll do anything much about it before we are settled back at home again.

.......................................................................

I haven't been posting regularly for quite a while. I've had some successes and many failures and life keeps on rolling by. Currently we are in Christchurch and I'm looking forward to going home on Tuesday. We've had a lovely visit with our son and his wife but I've spent the last 5 days doing NOTHING. The recliner has become my preferred place. The few times I've got into bed to sleep it has taken me more than half the following day to feel comfortable again. I sustained bruising to my shins and a minor bruise on my right shoulder but extensive and painful bruising to deeper muscle and bone tissue on my right chest. Deep breaths hurt, movement hurts and it makes me feel so miserable. I want to get out and do things but because I'm not sleeping well I just feel incredibly tired. I know how to look after myself too well. I need to go out for a walk but hasn't happened since Sunday. Tonight I will sleep in the recliner again and perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I've seen a doctor to make sure there is nothing more I should do. She gave me a script for cheap paracetmol and another for codeine. I discovered I cannot take codeine. It attacks my gut with horrible pain. It took me all day to recover from one dose. Not again. Lesson learned. I had been looking forward to a good night's sleep too when I was reminded they would make me sleepy. Ummm! Sleepy does not go with intense gut pain.

The insurance company has written off the car. The owners have got over the shock of losing their car and are planning how to spend the pay out. Bev, the owner and driver recently had a stroke and is unable to drive. She will probably never buy another car although I know she liked the idea of having a car in the garage just in case. It's not really necessary with 2 daughters within easy call and she also has taxi vouchers and her husband Lloyd has never held a license. We still feel awful about writing off their car but maybe it will end to be the best for them. What a way for it to happen.

I was looking forward to having some walks around the city and take photos of the Earthquake aftermath. We are amazed by the work that has been done to repair this broken city. The damage to the city is largely hidden to the general eye. I think you have to live here to see it. We have experienced a few little shakes, nothing alarming at all. But we are not as sensitive as those who live here and react far more than we do. We feel something that feels and sounds like a heavy truck going by, they look up and say 'Earthquake,' with a grimness that chills, and wait to see what it's going to do.

Normal life continues but nothing is normal. We watch the local TV which lost many people on the day of the earthquake, It is fantastic that they are up and running and we get a good idea of how the city is coping. I love their catch cry, CTV the Recovery Channel.

We are watching the news from USA with great distress, I don't think we visited Joplin but we stayed just up the road at Carthage, Mo. way back in April 2005. What a strange year we are having. There is always a lot of grief and sadness in the world but this last year seems to have been remarkably bad. It's easy to agree with Biblical preachers who describe the times as the Last Days and makes it too easy for delusional people to talk doomsday stuff. I'm so glad I believe in a loving God who wants the best for us and in spite of inevitable bad people I have faith in the mainstream will of humanity to make this a better world to live in. God made us to be creative and we have the intelligence to solve great problems from obesity to rebuilding broken cities and appreciating beauty.

There is always a rainbow of hope and we can always look for those things that make us smile.

Blessings

I'M GLAD TODAY IS OVER

2011-05-21T21:23:00.004+12:00

THE WINDMILL - IRON POSTS ARE MEANT TO BE A PAGODA COVERED IN ROSES

We used Mandy's mother's car to go to our country son's place. Much as we love our son and look forward to seeing him it's always difficult because his property is in a shambles and it's so disappointing to see him and his partner, H, live the way they do. I admire him heaps but he seems unable to follow through and complete anything. H loves gardening but seems even more disorganised than he is.

URN OF TOP \OF MOUND BESIDE POOL WHICH LEAKS

BELTED GALLOWAY COWS AND CALVES

2 FAT PIGS

AVIARY WHICH WE WAS MOVED IN DURING OUR VISIT LAST YEAR

We didn't leave quite early enough to get home before dark and had an accident when John missed seeing a light change and we went through a red.

It was rather unpleasant and we are very upset but no harm done to us except I have some bruising I will need to keep an eye on.

Tomorrow we have a treat. The Company Wayne works for has arranged a special outing for all the workers as a thank-you for their work after the earthquakes. They were generous enough to include us in as Wayne's family. I'll write about it tomorrow with photos if I get new camera batteries. The ones we have seem to be on their last legs.

For now I'm off to bed with paracetemol nearby.

THERE'S NO OTHER WORD EXCEPT LAZY

2011-05-20T16:03:00.004+12:00

The two pretty chooks are still delivering an egg a day.

You can see some of the earthquake damage to this roof.

Lazy day here. I feel bad because I'm wasting nice sunny days. Chances are the weather will change and then I'll want to get out and MOVE. It's called Murphy's Law but I could beat it if I made half an effort. I'm enjoying doing next to nothing. I'm enjoying the freedom from having to balance my needs and Mum's needs. We are on holiday. Today I made a list of all the things we hoped to do while we are here. We still have 10 days but I know the second week will be over in a flash.

NOT TRULY A BLOBBY DAY

2011-05-18T23:06:00.003+12:00

I'm not sure that this was really a restful day but tomorrow will be busy.

Today we visited with D-I-L's parents. We really enjoyed getting together again but it's very sad to see Mandy's mother. How cold that sounds, I'll have to call them Bev and Lloyd. Bev has had a couple of strokes, the most recent in February, has left her with a paralysed arm. I'm so glad she has her speech, but her recovery is hampered by some kind disease which causes muscle weakness. Bev kept herself reasonably fit and active but now is limited to getting around the house with a walking frame and needing help with many things.

We left mid afternoon and bought a few groceries, things that we missed and were not in the pantry here. We had just begun to unwind with cups of coffee when our son came home. I made a dinner because Mandy is sleeping over with the children she nannies for the next few nights. Then the men went out to a Car Club meeting, the Vintage Commercial Group, I think. I settled in for an evening of peace watching some favourite TV with no interruptions. Mandy phoned and we chatted for a couple of hours and now the men are back.

Tomorrow there is a training day here for fitting children's car seats. Wayne and Mandy have a business called Baby On The Move which is centred around hiring quality car seats and other baby equipment. That means I have to be presentable, do my bit to tidy the house and hospitality. It will be busy with women and children most of the day. I might escape for a photo walk.

I am not used to so much socialising. It's exhausting. I'm not complaining but for months and months I've mostly kept to myself in our semi isolated village, now I am in New Zealand's 2nd or 3rd city living with energiser bunnies. Did I say it is exhausting?

Time for bed and I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully with photos.

I forgot to write that after a cool early morning the day was quite warm. Lovely sunny day but cold wind. I started off putting on thermal underwear and several layers of clothes. I spent the rest of the day unlayering. I don't have real cold weather clothing and am grateful the house has a lovely wood burning fire.

TIRED

2011-05-18T00:05:00.002+12:00

I must remember we do not function well when tired. Monday was a very long day. We were up at 6 am and it was midnight before we settled down after the excitement of getting together with our son and his wife and talking and talking.

Normally we would have blobbed out today, (Tuesday, it's just gone midnight here). Our other South Island son had phoned to ask if we would like to go out to his farmlet, (11acres), where the windmill was at last being installed. It was a lovely sunny morning so we decided to pick up something from Subway and have a picnic lunch out there. But we never got there. About halfway there was a bang, a douche of blackish water on the windscreen and lots of steam pouring out from under the car bonnet.

Investigation showed that a hole had been blown through the top of the radiator. We were using an old car that hasn't been on the road for a few weeks but still, or at least used to, runs well. We had to wait a while before D-I-L picked us up. Tonight our rural son picked up the car and has it at his place on his big trailer designed to transport cars. I'm glad it's off the road

I cooked our dinner. The least I could do after being partly responsible for blowing up their spare car and messing up everyone's day.

Finally I'm caught up with Blogs and have good internet. We are on Mobile, (Cellular), wireless and have good signal but one thing I have noticed is that there are times when the internet is so slow it won't even load a page. This tends to correspond with times when there is likely to be heavy internet use. Internet in Christchurch is fragile. The whole city is fragile. We are amazed by the rapid rate of recovery work. High Viz vests are everywhere. You can hardly travel anywhere without encountering some form of road construction. Some stretches are being repaired at frequent intervals because the road gives way again. Christchurch is going to be a long time in recovery.

Be back after I've slept.

I am really tired, not thinking clearly and tomorrow is designated Blob Out Day.

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG

2011-05-16T17:58:00.002+12:00

I'm over trying to analyse myself and go into all the whys and wherefores of my moods, failures and various unhelpful behaviours.

The important thing is I'm here.

Today we were up at 6 am. We left home before 8 am for a fairly leisurely drive to Auckland Airport. The weather was kind and the traffic light. This morning's weather forecast filled us with foreboding but apart from a gusty wind it was fine and mild. We had an excellent flight, only one hour before we landed ay Christchurch.

Our Daughter-in-law picked us up and gave us a short tour. There are many vacant spaces from the November and February earthquakes and seeing the damage first hand is sobering. I think the biggest shock is getting a feel for the abandoned buildings. They look almost normal from the outside but there's no-one in. The streets are quiet. People have gone.

Our son picked up John an hour ago to go out on road safety patrol. A high king tide caused some flooding. Home again and warning signs out. We are going out for dinner in an hour or so.

More to come tomorrow.

I appreciate my readers. It's a wonder any of you come back. please be assured I am trying to get my act together. I'd love to write here daily and to be honest it's sometimes a huge effort.

MARGIEANNE GOES THROUGH THE GLASS WALL

2011-04-13T13:57:00.004+12:00

I'm glad I reached yesterday's milestone. We are now house sitting for friends and caring for their aged Labrador, Lucky and 2 cats, Pumpkin and Tiggy. I am using my friend's PC as there is no wireless here so can't upload photos. I have no scales. So I'm hoping for a good surprise when I weigh again next week.

Maybe we will go into town tomorrow and I can post photos from Mum's.

I'm having a few sad moments. A kind of dizziness and fatigue. It's happened before and is related to Low Carb, and the anti candida program. Sometimes you just have to weather the rough days to get long term benefits. Otherwise I'm in good spirits and there's a walk on the agenda.

I'm keeping my Tracker up to date so if I'm not here don't despair, I am working the plan.

A word about Glass Walls. For years the Glass Ceiling has been news. I never have felt disadvantaged being a woman but then I never was in a corporate situation. But I certainly found a Glass Wall when it came to weight Loss. I hit it many times and nearly knocked myself out on it. A few years ago I went through but then I lapsed and lost focus. This time age was a possible factor in taking so long to overcome. The good news is I'm through and on my way to better numbers.

Now for my cuppa tea, strawberry and mango flavour and a little walk. That will be interesting. It seems to be a VERY LONG time since I took a deliberate walk.

Later:- I had a nice walk. Pity I can't get any photos on here today.

There's a new post over at My NZ Diary.

I'M DOING IT

2011-04-11T08:34:00.003+12:00

Drum roll please.

After hovering around 97 kg since the middle of last year I have finally cracked it and this morning was amazed and pleased to see 94 kg on the scales. That brings my total weight lost since January 2010, when I decided there was No Turning Back, to 12 kg or 25 pounds. I like pounds best. *giggle*

It seems a little crazy to me that I couldn't do this through the summer. Here it is quite chilly and one thing I really dislike is being cold. Eating Low Carb and losing weight I find it very hard to stay warm. I suppose I should turn it to my advantage and get walking more if only to keep warm. We are going to Christchurch in 4 weeks time. I really wanted to be under 90 kg when we leave. It's beginning to look as though it might just be possible. But.... Christchurch is a lot colder than home. I will need all my thermal underwear and warm top clothes. The plan was to shop while there and I'll certainly do that.... with what is a mute point, We have NO Spare Cash but I've put this off for two winters now and really must get a new jacket and jerseys and pants/slacks and a couple of long sleeved tops. I really must shop. The cool thing is I will be buying at least 1 size if not 2 sizes smaller than last time I shopped. I should be able to get into tops size (NZ)18 and pants size (NZ)20 Not sure how this translates to USA or Europe. All I know is I am shrinking and there's No Turning Back.

I am pleased to think that this is one way I can support Christchurch as the business world recovers from the earthquake. Not to mention that it is pretty much impossible to find warm clothes I like locally. Our climate is mild so the selection of winter clothes is fairly limited.

In the last week we have spoken to our South Island sons and I keep a close eye on the Christchurch News. There is so much to do. Roads are so damaged that right now many of the repairs are patch up jobs just to make the roads safe. Re-construction will go on for years. Imagine it. All the infra-structure, buildings, business and social life have taken a century and a half to develop. Yes New Zealand is that young. In 1 minute it becomes broken, munted, to use the Major's words. How can it be rebuilt? Certainly not overnight. More on this over on my NZ Diary. I'm going there to write now.

Oh Heck!

2011-04-08T19:29:00.003+12:00

I'm going along well. Plans in place. Feeling positive.

Then I get a really painful gut ache. No reason I can think of. Last time I was on a roll I got sick. It has taken me weeks to get back on plan. I'm determined to tough it out. It seems to be my body's way of reacting when I try to deal with candida. This time I'm able to tough it out .... that's the plan.

It makes me cross. I got up feeling better than usual. It's been a gorgeous autumn day, clear blue skies with a stiff southerly breeze. That's the freezing wind off the Antarctic. I thought about gardening. I thought about walking. I thought about a few minutes on the cross-trainer but I felt lazy. Then I felt sick. No dinner for me.

Dealing with a health problem that has little official recognition is getting me down. But at least I'm generally healthy, other than this pestiferous problem and high blood pressure which is well controlled with meds.. I have a friend who had a heart attack a few years ago, she was fairly fit and healthy but there is a genetic predisposition toward heart problems. She never seemed to recover as one would expect. Recently she had a stroke and we discovered a secret she had been hiding from her family. She has a rare muscle wasting disease, similar to MS. No long walks for her again, not without a miracle of healing. She can just manage a walker but most of the time depends on a wheelchair. I'm looking forward to visiting with her when we go to Christchurch next month but it will be sad too. I'm fortunate to have extra good genes. My friend is 5 years younger than me.

I have been inspired to get myself on track with my plan and stop messing about with it. Loretta posted a link to Margene. I have read her whole blog and there's something about it which has helped me think more clearly about what I'm doing. I was impressed by the way she stuck to the plan and week after week with only a handful of weeks in the whole year with no weight loss. It's a remarkable storye

Today John helped me find my Lean For Life Work-Book and I've been re-aligning my thinking. Guess what? If I stayed true to the plan, day after day, week after week, I could be at goal by the end of the year. Margene's Blog is called Believing It's Possible Is Half The Battle. This fits very well with my faith. My title is based on this scripture from Genesis 18:14 (NIV)

Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.

Faith activated miracle, (possibilities!).

and this one from Matthew 19:26 (NASB)

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I may not be able to do this on my own but with my hand in the hand of God it becomes possible.

I believe I can do this. It's the doing I get hung up on from time to time. Well that is about to change. Watch this space.

Remind me when I deviate from the plan.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE ICE-AID CONCERT IN DENVER, COLORADO, FOR REBUILDING CHRISTCHURCH

2011-04-04T01:38:00.005+12:00

From the Top:-
1. Dust over a ruined city

2. Re-aligned

3. Prince William stands before Christchurch Cathedral after the Bell Tower was demolished

4, Prince William plants an oak tree of hope watched by Prime Minister John Key.

Prince William spent time visiting Christchurch, families of earthquake victims and the families of the Pike River Mine Disaster. He also spoke heart felt words at the big Memorial Service in Hagley Park and shook hands with hundreds of people before planting the tree. He then went to Australia were he visited the recent flood stricken area.

THIS IS A COPY OF TODAY'S POST ON MY NEW ZEALAND JOURNAL.

Many Americans are involved in making donations to rebuild Christchurch following the February 22nd earth quake.

There has always been a variety of connections between New Zealand and the United States. For many years Christchurch has been the final stop before flying personnel and equipment to the Antarctic Base. Following the earthquake a group calling them selves Ice-Aid for Rebuilding Christchurch was formed. Now a concert is being planned in Denver, Colorado. You can read all about it here on FaceBook. I hope you'll pass this on to as many people as you can and they in turn will pass the message on to anyone they know in Denver.

Time	Saturday, April 16 · 5:00pm - 11:00pm

Location	The Bug Theater 3654 Navajo St Denver, CO

Created By	Ice-Aid for Rebuilding Christchurch

More Info	Doors open at 5 p.m., with the concert beginning at 5:30 p.m. There will also be a short live auction before 8 p.m. Cover is $10 cash, with proceeds from ticket sales and auction to benefit the Christchurch Earthquake Appeal. Continue to monitor this page for more details on the benefit, band lineup and auction items.

Concert and Auction Press Release
by Ice-Aid for Rebuilding Christchurch on Sunday, April 3, 2011 at 2:56am

Benefit concert and auction to raise money for Christchurch rebuilding efforts

Denver, Colo. – It started with an email.

“Cookie” Jon Emanuel sent a simple message to Jay Fox a couple of weeks after the Feb. 22 earthquake that destroyed much of the central business district of Christchurch and left nearly 200 people dead.

We should do something, Emanuel wrote. Maybe some sort of benefit concert.

On April 16, at the Bug Theatre in Denver, Colo., more than a half-dozen bands will take the stage to rock the roof off and raise money for the Christchurch Earthquake Appeal Fund (www.christchurchearthquakeappeal.govt.nz).

“It’s going to be totally off the page,” said Fox, one of the chief organizers of the event who, like many of those involved in the charity fundraiser, has traveled through Christchurch numerous times en route to Antarctica in support of the U.S. research program there.

The concert will mainly feature bands and musicians who have performed on the Ice, as those who work on the continent refer to Antarctica.

Among the headliners is Monroe Monroe, a local Denver band fronted by singer-song writer Frank Abbatecola, who has also worked in Antarctica. Denver folk band Bone Orchard Revival will also perform. In addition, a live auction will be held during the evening, with items donated from around the world.

“It’s really awesome to see the Ice community rally around this event,” said Emanuel, who worked as the executive chef at the South Pole Station before becoming the executive chef at the Denver area nonprofit Project Angel Heart in 2005. “Christchurch is like a second home for so many of us.”

Doors open at 5 p.m., with the first band scheduled to take the stage at 5:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 at the door.

For more information, see the Facebook page, Ice-Aid for Rebuilding Christchurch.

Contact:
Peter Rejcek
720.298.4294
prejcek(at)yahoo.com

There's less than 2 weeks to spread the news.

It warms my heart to see how all kinds of people have set up a huge variety of projects to help this city. The damage is serious. Beyond anything New Zealand has previously experienced. Insurance companies are going to be stretched to meet their commitments. The city infrastructure will be years in the rebuilding. New satellite cities may develop and it is hard to imagine the CBD ever becoming the wonderful mix of offices, boutique shops, hotels and restaurants again. So many people have had their lives changed forever and now the redundancies are pouring in as some of the larger companies realise it might be years before they can function again.

2011-04-03T21:50:00.004+12:00

I pinched these wise words from Rick, one of the RV Bloggers I read regulalry.

The main thing is keeping healthy. Without good health, nothing else really matters anyway! Everything else is small stuff, so I “don’t sweat the small stuff” .

Rick was talking about the kind of lifestyle we choose and whether we make our home as Full Time Rvers or live in an ordinary house, (stix 'n bricks), going for short or long trips. I have been thinking about this all day. Partly because I am living in a house I would never have bought if I'd know it would become our home. Long story but the short version is it was meant to be a quick flick investment. Family needs and a recession got in the way. I'm happy enough here, who wouldn't be, but I'm still struggling 3 years on to think of it as home.

The other reason this has got to me is that I am on a quest to improve my health and a large part of that is eating right and exercising, (for me that means walking) with a purpose. I need to lose weight. Currently I weigh exactly what I weighed in June 2010. I've been virtually maintaining this weight for nearly a year. That was never the plan.

There are reasons for my lack of progress toward my weight goal and the reasons look feeble but none the less they are only too real.

1. My skin condition drives me crazy. I've tried so many things and I get some relief from time to time but I sleep badly. Hence I need to rest before I get tired.

2. I can't stay away from bread long enough to make a serious difference. I know how bread or wheat or too many carbohydrates affect me but I've been eating them as though I have no problem. I have become lethargic, mildly depressed and lazy. Hence I need to rest before I get tired.

I really really like bread as breakfast toast, as a sandwich for lunch with loads of filling and as an occasional snack. I also like coffee and I keep sneaking in extra cups. I tend to become addicted to bread, coffee and chocolate. Most of the other sweet and high carb foods I can wean myself off without too much trouble, altough it's not wise for me to have cake or biscuits in the pantry. I no longer buy chocolate. I try not to have it in the house ever. But bread is a staple.

Bread is often called the staff of life. It's basic. Jesus broke a loaf and shared the broken pieces, telling those present to eat often to remind us of His Body, broken for us.

All around the world every culture seems to have some form of bread made from grain.

How can I escape?

We bought a Bread Maker recently. John is enjoying making and eating his own bread and I'm happy about that because he was buying the cheapest supermarket bread and it was rubbish .... not at all good quality. Far better that he eat home made because John will never give up his bread and nor he should. He doesn't have any problems. He maintains the same weight year after year.

I have to test each and every loaf ....... As the housekeeper and chief cook that's my duty.

The weeks have gone by and I've got away with my testing and sandwich lunches. But there's been a cost. I'm not as lively or energetic as when I kept to low carbohydrates. That's why I need to rest before I get tired.

You could say this is a kind of confession and it is. I have slipped back into bad patterns and I can see that I'm in real danger of tipping into serious weight gain, and other problems. This will not do. I've only lost 10%. I need to lose another 10% and do it again and again until I have lost at least 40% altogether. Put that way it sounds so easy so why aren't I doing it?

Answer:- Because I'm eating bread. It just sets me up to fail.

Some people drink alcohol, some people eat chocolate, some people eat takeaway, and I eat bread.

Once again I am thinking I must draw that imaginary line in the sand and say from this point on NO BREAD.

That makes me feel very sad.

I did a little research on bread and found the following statement here

A final word of caution. People who suffer with chronic fatigue, immune dysfunction, food allergies, chemical sensitivities, environmental illness, or so-called Candida or yeast related illness are often sensitive to the gluten in whole grain wheat. Paradoxically, people with such chromic problems may feel worse when the improve their diets to include whole, unrefined grains. Whole grains contain more of everything and are thus more likely to aggravate allergies. Because many of the nutrients in white flour are partially denatured or removed during the refining process, it is less allergic.

I can't say this has been my experience because mostly I either eat bread made with regular flour, white and wholemeal, or not at all. But the highlighted symptoms are what I have lived with for nearly 40 years. And I still haven't fully accepted that this is my life.

I want to stay in denial or fantasy land where this problem doesn't exist.

This is as important to my well being as it is for someone with type 2 diabetes to control the sugars in their diet. It's simple.

But I have been unable to maintain the discipline long term.

I should be in bed and I think I'm starting to go round in circles.

Dear Father God,
Let these meandering thoughts settle.
In the night hours, as I sleep,
Let it become settled in my heart and mind,
That I abandon bread,
Turn away from eating all forms of bread,
For as long as it takes to restore my body
To normal, to your blueprint,
To the plan you have in heaven
'Til I become the person with the body
You designed before the Beginning of time.

JACK POSTED A MEME AND I HAD SOME FUN WITH IT

2011-03-22T00:44:00.003+13:00

I amused myself by filling in this Meme composed by Jack Sh#t, Gettin; Fit

Achilles heel:
Mine's fine

Battle cry:
Ka mate, Ka mate, Ka ora! Ka ora!
'Tis death! 'Tis death! 'Tis life, 'Tis life. .....
(Have you ever seen the NZ All Black's Haka)

Casket size:
About the same size as our Rhubarb Patch

Deformity:
Wrinkles, happily they're getting worse.

Embarrassing nickname:
It was a long time ago. Tubby

Fish I’d most like to be if I were somehow, for some reason, forced to be turned into a fish:
Angel

Getaway route:
Over the sand hills

Hillbilly name (click here):
Oops! Got side tracked. Blame the link to the brain test! Lil' Pearl Western

Inanimate object I most resemble:
Refrigerator

“Jack”, Favorite blogger named:
Ummmm! Could that be Pooh ... Oh! you mean Sh#t

Knot I have most trouble untying:
Tangled

Last lesson learned:
Not to fall asleep in the tub reading a library book

Middle letter of middle name:
G

Nearest Chinese restaurant:
30 minutes drive time

Oldest person I know:
My mother, 95 yrs 10.5 months

Pancakes, Favorite topping for:
Real Maple Syrup, the best. Strawberries and whipped fresh cream comes a almost equal

Quality I wish I had more of:
Strength

Rap artist I’d most like to chillax with:
Who Zat?

Salad dressing I despise most:
Cheapo Rancho

TV show I wish would disappear forever:
Survivor, Biggest Loser, Ellen, Rachel Ray, .....

Underwear, Favorite kind/color:
White silk and lace

Vice that I wish I could do away with:
Blogging

Website that I check first every day:
Blog

Xerox, Funniest thing I’ve copied on:
Bugs Bunny

“Yes,” Dumbest thing to which I’ve answered:
Lets Hitch Hike ... I was very young

Zombie, Favorite “brain” dish if I ever became a:
Cappuccino and a bar of Green and Black dark chocolate

Click here for the list of the questions if you want to have some fun with it.

This was a good excuse to procrastinate a little longer instead of going to bed.

It would be nice to cosy up in bed and listen to the rain, it's pouring down, it it weren't so sticky. I'm longing for the cool crisp nights of winter.

MOVING DAY FOR MY NIECE

2011-03-11T13:20:00.004+13:00

There's a new post over at my NZ Diary. Take a look and smile.

In my last post I talked about GOING BACK TO THE BEGINNING. Sounds so easy. Not!

I have 2 new Bibles stashed away but neither were suitable. One was a pocket edition with the tiniest print, the other was even more bulky than the New International Version I have. Hmmmm! Can't afford to go out and buy another. Do you know how expensive a good bible is? Of course a good bible will be read over and over so it needs to be well bound with good print and paper. I'm reading my New Living Translation in spite of small print. At least it's easy to handle in bed. I think I'll also read on line and then I can mark the passages that speak to me in my real bible. Cumbersome but it will work.

Today is preparation day. The house is getting a little extra attention as we have guests Saturday night who are coming for a wedding. We will sleep in the old Purple Bus for the next 2 or 3 nights. So far the only work being done is by John because I'm here.

The house is full of little flies that BITE. Our house is very open with no screens so we try to open as many windows and doors as the breeze allows but that's not working today. It's the time of year and the grass has just been mown on two sides of us. I'm tired of all the lawnmowers. It seems to be continuous, one lawn after another, day after day. Although I do love the smell of fresh cut grass.

I'm totally off plan with my eating. This week was supposed to give me time to get into the swing of things but mice and men intervened. Well not many mice but....

Monday night we got a breathless call from a niece, M, who has a job in another district and has finally found a house so is moving. 'Would Uncle John come in on Wednesday morning to dis-assemble her beds.' I did well on Tuesday but we had to be up and out of the house before 7.30 am on Wednesday. Not something I'm good at these days.

Do you want a little family gossip?

M is notorious in our family for procrastinating and although she is teased and even had the hard word put out she hasn't improved. Tuesday Jay, our daughter went in to help and found M was going out socialising and leaving her to it. jay went home. My nephew, Jas has a small house removal business and he, of course, was asked to move her belongings. He was booked to arrive 10 am Wed. but past experience has made him wary. He arrived Tuesday afternoon and found a shambles. He began packing and worked to 11pm. M thinks she's going to sort things perfectly as she packs. There was no time for this and Jas just picked up bundles of stuff and boxed them. He worked while M played, saying farewell to friends. When we arrived 8 am Wednesday I took one look and backed off. I could see how much progress had been made but it was still a huge untidy mess, a disorganised shambles, with much cleaning remaining. I found a few not so difficult jobs and then went shopping for morning tea for the workers. I took my time.

M doesn't know how to throw out stuff/rubbish. She had a cupboard full of plastic shopping bags, the door was open and the bags flowing out into the passageway. I filled a large 20 litre rubbish bag with these plastic bags and they were jammed in tight. M has known since mid January that she was definitely moving out of this house and has had many opportunities to begin the sorting out and clean up as well as pack items. She would not pack anything in the kitchen until the last morning because she would be using the kitchen. ... I beg your pardon! This house was only a few minutes from a huge range of takeaway shops and restaurants, not to mention family. Jas managed to get the truck loaded according to his time plan and hit the road, but not before he told M that he would charge her for every hour he had to wait for her at the other end. We left with two runs to the rubbish tip and another niece, B, came to help with the final clean before the property manager's inspection. M went out socialising AGAIN. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

At the other end she sent an SOS to her brother who lives about an hours drive from her new house. He payed the bond and collected the key. I guess Jas, her Dad and brother unloaded the truck and trailer before she even left Whitianga for the 3.5 hour drive to her new home.

There are many more stories about this day but 'nuff is enough.

We've heard the stories, now we've seen for ourselves. Thank-goodness she won't be doing this in our area again, or if she is we won't be there to help.

Just to put this story in context. M has moved at least 4 times, more if you count returning to her parents home at intervals. She is in her late 30s, a professional woman with degrees. We love her but ....'nuff said.

At least it gives the family plenty of entertainment.

Yesterday my plans were again adjusted when I was asked to go in earlier to check on Mum as she'd had an attack of angina. Fortunately not serious and she was well. I kept my appointment with the dentist and we were able to come home early afternoon.

I decided I felt like writing today.

What's next? Not a lot right now. Pack up my stuff for the bus, taking all personal items out and later as the afternoon cools I'll do a little gardening. Tomorrow morning I do the bathroom when we've finished with it and that's that.

GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING

2011-03-08T09:02:00.015+13:00

THE FIRST FIVE PHOTOS ARE FROM A JULY, '10 SUNRISE SERIES

It's our first chilly morning of 2011. Autumn is on the way and I turned to comfort food. I wanted something nice and warm so cooked up a pot of porridge. It was delicious with brown sugar and creamy milk. Not a very sensible choice because while it satisfies my husband for hours, I usually feel hungry too soon.

A while ago someone prayed that I would begin to have God inspired dreams again. I prefer to forget my dreams, that's if I do wake up remembering them. They are usually so confusing, crazy, or sometimes more like nightmares that it's better to forget them as quickly as possible. Not all dreams can be passed off that way. This morning was one I will not forget. I won't detail the dream although it had something to do with re-establishing a neighbourhood PlayCentre which is a home grown early childhood centre of education, now wrapped in Government regulations. I was a very good Playcentre Mum and even initiated the establishment of two new centres. I was on my way to regional fame, being involved in administration at regional level. Some expected me to become a national leader but before things went this far I became a committed Christian and my focus changed.

The meaning of the dream had nothing to do with child care or early education but I'm left with these words running through my head.

"Go back to the Beginning."

This begs the question. "Where is the Beginning?"

Becoming a 'Born Again Christian' was a defining moment. In many ways my life began there although everything that lead up to that moment is important. The Bible says we become a new person on Christ, old things are gone and a new life begins. This was true for me.

"Go back to the Beginning," for me, means to look at my life in those early days of being a Christian. The first thing that comes to mind is how I discovered the Bible. I'd been brought up in a sort of Christian environment. As children we were sent to Sunday School where I learnt children's hymns and Bible stories and had a great time at the annual picnics. From years 12 to 17 I went to a private boarding school which came under the Presbyterian Church umbrella. There we had 'prayers morning and evening, weekly scripture lessons and church every Sunday. It was restrictive as was most life in the 1950s but there was also a freedom in being so regulated. Sadly I was turned off church but God found me when I was 33 years old when I was questioning the purpose of life, especially mine, which seemed to have become a meaningless merry-go-round with no purpose.

I remember going to the bookshelf and cleaning the dust and off my school Bible, the Authorised King James. I began to devour it. I knew nothing of Bible Study or systematic reading. I began at the Beginning and read. I was totally surprised by my ability to understand this book and my hunger for more of it grew daily. I read that Bible until it fell apart. It remains one of my treasures. I remember well a song, don't know the title, but one phrase says something about loving a bible well used. That was my first bible. For years I read every day and did some light weight studies. Somewhere in the last 10 or maybe 15 years I've lost the knack, the discipline, and my bible has become 'old hat', even dry and boring.

TODAY - BLUE SKY AND BUTTERFLIES

As I write this it begins to dawn on me that this is where I start, reading my bible and finding a new passion for it. Back on that day in 1974 I began reading from Genesis Chapter 1 Verse 1 so that's where I am today, except that I need to find a Bible that's easy to hold and easy to read. No way can I read the tiny print of my original Bible. I have an International version with easy to read print but it's heavy and bulky, I have a New Living Translation which is light and easy to hold but the print is too small and I'm not sure I find the language inspiring. I have another unread Bible somewhere.. it's time to look for it and see if that's the one. Imagine, I have a choice of versions and style of book. On top of that there are the internet choices but I think I'll go for the one I can hold and mark as various passages touch my heart. This is going to be a brand new adventure in reading my Bible. I think I'm getting excited about it.

Sometimes God is speaking to us through our dreams. I'm for that.

A SPECTACULAR SUNRISE FROM LAST WEEK.

Today I "Go Back To The Beginning" of my new life with Him and a journey of new adventures and discoveries is waiting for me.

Today is a new day and I am praising the Lord.

From Psalm 118:24 King James version.

This is the day which the Lord hath made,
We will be glad and rejoice in it.

This is why I love sunrise. Every day is new and the beginning if another adventure in life. Sometimes the days roll by and they seem routine or dreary but the truth is no two days are exactly the same and each day is complete in itself.

I am truly thankful God chose to give me a new life. He also gave me free choice to live it to the full or merely exist, getting through each day, each new crisis, the days when nothing seems to change or improve, the days when it's a struggle to be positive, when life seems to be hardly worth the living, plodding through with little hope of anything better.

I choose to live to the full, even in the hard and tedious places.

I love a fresh sheet of paper, waiting for new words or pictures to be drawn. In the same way I love the dawning of every new day. How I colour the day is my choice. We have a good God and I wish everyone would know His love.
.

DOCTOR'S VISIT AND SOME THOUGHTS

2011-03-06T16:49:00.007+13:00

JANE'S BIRTHDAY

Last month we celebrated Jane's birthday by going to Luke's Kitchen on the beach at Kuaotuna for pizza. It was a very warm evening but enough breeze to keep us reasonably comfortable even if it was too windy to use the sun umbrellas. The top photo is my mother, below that are some of the family and friends who gathered to eat Al Fresco

KUAOTUNA BEACH TAKEN ON ANOTHER DAY IN RAIN

WARNING..... SOME MOANING AND COMPLAINING.

With my latest visit to the doctor behind me I realise how stressed I become as the time draws near for my next appointment. I'm not sure what do do about this right now. I have chosen a lady doctor because I'm tired of seeing men. In a larger town choice would not be a problem but currently there is only one woman doctor in my local town and travelling further afield is plain ridiculous.

I guess some of the stress is from being overweight and knowing it contributes to certain health issues. I have had hypertension for a few years now and it's hard to control so while I am not on a huge dose it has been increased several times. Even when I lose a few kilos it doesn't seem to make any difference. I stooge along eating reasonably well most of the time then I have patches where I'm doing myself no favours. It makes me cross and I feel frustrated.

Perhaps I should prepare for my next appointment by fasting for a day and going for a long, one hour or more, walk in the morning before I see the doctor. A doctor once told me that he guarantees a low BP reading if you do this. Joking aside, I feel defeated each time the strength of my pills is increased. At least that was not the case this visit.

I noticed this morning that I'm maintaining my weight loss and maybe slowly continuing to lose weight. I must admit I'm finding it extremely difficult to stay true to my plan. This is frustrating me too. The plan works and my general well-being improves so much I cannot understand why I'm finding it so hard to be consistent.

Anyway here is a summary of my doctor visit.

1. Was first afternoon appointment and waited an extra 20 minutes. Have no idea what was going on and no apology of course.

2. Student Dr. interviewed me and took various details. I know they need to train but this is happening more often than not. I try to stay cool about it but to be honest I'm not happy and feel uncomfortable discussing any health issues I might have with a stranger. I am always given a choice and I just might have to refuse next time.

3. Skin problems were referred back to regular doctor, discussed and treatment modified but I don't expect much improvement and the treatment calls for me to be quite disciplined. Since I'm already struggling to follow instructions this isn't going to make anything easier. I believe I need medication as well as topical but first a scrape of affected skin has to be taken for lab testing. Wouldn't you know .... I'd bathed and scrubbed so well it wasn't possible to get a decent sample so have to go back next week when I'm dirty.

4. It was suggested I might need to see a Dermatologist. I asked for this at last apt. and was asked "Why I wanted to see one?" Anyway I did get a referral back then and am waiting impatiently for apt. 6 month wait due to end in April/May.

5. Chemist charged $70 for a free item, (one of my blood pressure tablets). John collected and paid up and I nearly had a heart attack. Jane sorted and will get refund today.

6. Discovered the next morning Dr. prescribed half my usual tablets. That means I have to pay for a top up prescription. No Way. I will tell them when I go in next week to give skin sample and they can sort it out.

WHITIANGA CROSSRAODS ENCOUNTER CHURCH

There's a wonderful story of faith behind this church building. The vision for the building was given twenty or more years ago and is almost complete to a high standard. Extra-ordinary for a congregation which has never numbered more than 120 and been through many trials.

Meantime I'm working toward getting back onto my weight loss plan. I missed Church today. It was a deliberate decision. I was unable to sleep until the early hours of the morning so woke up later than I like on a Sunday. It meant I would be in a rush and I needed time to go through my skin treatment. Last week seemed to be full of extras and this way I have a few days to re-instate our normal lifestyle rhythms.

I haven't been getting any exercise for several weeks. I was doing extremely well until I became sick 5 or 6 weeks ago and haven't had the physical or mental energy to maintain a series of days 'On Plan' since.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO LAUGH

2011-03-03T21:37:00.007+13:00

Would you like this boulder to crash through into your living room?

Trade Me is an on-line auction for selling off anything and everything.

One Christchurch man has brought a smile to everyone's face with this sale.

Some of the comments are hilarious. I hope you have a few minutes to spend reading some real Kiwi humour.

I'm tired. Not enough sleep last night. We are still having sticky, warm night which don't cool down until 4 or 5 am.

I also spent all afternoon in town. It was exhausting ...... that's a lie. But I was pretty tired by the time I got home. I went to my favourite hairdresser and got my hair cut and coloured. It's so pretty. Shades of red woven through my natural colour in such a way it looks fun but not silly or funky. I'll have to get a photograph. I'm truly blessed. Joanie is an artist with colour and cutting and we have her here in Whitianga. She is the equal of any good city hairdresser and I get mine for free because we're house sitting again next month. She once had a busy salon in Los Angeles with several staff.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my doctor and am working on psyching myself up because I need to make sure I have something effective to deal with my skin problems. I need her to acknowledge that I need medication to deal with the fungal problem, candida albicans. I'm not good at being pro-active with my doctor for several reasons. It seems that these days the first reaction is that I must be diabetic or some other something relate to being overweight. Then there is the whole thing of respect for the medical profession and their training and experience that I grew up with. My attitude is a lot different now. I know that any doctor is a product of his/her training and prejudices. They might care and even be compassionate but if they cannot diagnose via scientific tests and dish out some drug they don't want to know you. It pains me that I think this way but I years of experiencing frustration have made me this way.

This time I will pray and trust God to help both me and the doctor toward some kind of satisfactory result.

"Christchurch fell down. Christchurch is crying."

2011-03-02T08:23:00.005+13:00

The spire of Christchurch Cathedral lies smashed on the ground. Two-and-a-half-year-old Aucklander Sophie Longstaff sees it on TV, turns to her mum and says: "Christchurch fell down. Christchurch is crying."

I needed to take a couple of days off from my laptop. I somehow picked up another dodgy tummy bug and couldn't lift my head off the pillow for 24 hours. Yesterday we packed up at Mum's and came home. For anyone new to my journal, we had been staying with my mother for nearly a week while our daughter took a break. My mother is almost 96 and we make certain she is never alone in the house at night.

The good part of being at Mum's is we wake to this.

I hope you have had an opportunity to see Amazing Race man Phil Koeghan's items on CBS Click here for an interview with him in Christchurch.

We have been heartened by people from all over the world.

A Concert in Glasgow at the St. Mary's Episcopal Cathedral which is an exact copy of the damaged Christchurch Cathedral raised over $10,000 for Red Cross.

Art Agnos, who was Major of San Francisco when the big earthquake hit there in 1989 has praised the rescue and disaster efforts and in particular Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker. Thoroughly well deserved and hard earned praise.

The USAR, (Urban Search and Rescue) are from 8 or nine countries.

Our Prime Minister is requesting financial help from around the Globe as well as speaking to large New Zealand companies.

We need all the help people are able to give. There are 155 people killed with this number expected to rise by another 100.

To put this in perspective. The 1989 San Fransisco Earthquake killed 63 people. San Francisco had a population of 736,00 at the time. Christchurch's population was less than 377,000. I write 'was' because it's believed something in excess of 50,000 people have left the city, many forever.

While some business has been able to relocate many can no longer function. It's hard for me to imagine the social disruption. Life for us goes on as usual.

The major difference for us is concern for family who are trying to continue and rebuild their lives in the city and the continual TV reporting. I must admit that after going one day without news when I felt too ill to look at TV let alone read left me feeling out of touch.

Yesterday New Zealand stopped at 1.51 pm for 2 minutes, exactly 7 days after the big earthquake. It was very moving to see many community gatherings on TV.

Dear Lord Jesus,

On this 9th day, I pray earnestly for our country and it's leaders. May your wisdom and strength be with Mayor Bob Parker and his Council, Prime Minister John Key, and all his Government, The Civil Defence, Russell Wood and the USAR teams, Fire Service, Police, Red Cross, Salvation Army, other Christian organisations, Medical and other support services too many to name.

Dear Lord I pray earnestly for all those directly affected, thinking of those who have lost homes and incomes.

I think of all the grief for lost family members, friends and colleagues. May everyone of them know some measure of comfort in the midst of their pain.

I give thanks that while we far away and see a tragedy of epic proportions, You see each one as an individual with individual needs.

God Defend New Zealand.

Amen.

NEW ZEALAND NATIONAL ANTHEM

God of nations! at Thy feet In the bonds of love we meet, Hear our voices, we entreat, God defend our Free Land. Guard Pacific's triple star, From the shafts of strife and war, Make her praises heard afar, God defend New Zealand
Men of ev'ry creed and race Gather here before Thy face, Asking Thee to bless this place, God defend our Free Land. From dissension, envy, hate, And corruption guard our State, Make our country good and great, God defend New Zealand.
Peace, not war, shall be our boast, But, should foes assail our coast, Make us then a mighty host, God defend our Free Land. Lord of battles in thy might, Put our enemies to flight, Let our cause be just and right, God defend New Zealand.
Let our love for Thee increase, May Thy blessings never cease, Give us plenty, give us peace, God defend our Free Land. From dishonour and from shame Guard our country's spotless name Crown her with immortal fame, God defend New Zealand.
May our mountains ever be Freedom's ramparts on the sea, Make us faithful unto Thee, God defend our Free Land. Guide her in the nations' van, Preaching love and truth to man, Working out Thy Glorious plan, God defend New Zealand.

LIFE GOES ON

2011-02-27T08:31:00.008+13:00

SUNSET OVER VANCOUVER ISLAND, 11th JULY, 2009

What, you may ask is this photo doing here?

I was in a hurry to post and there is so much light in every room at Mum's I didn't see which snapshot I had chosen then I had no time to change it.

THIS IS MY INTENDED PHOTO. OH SO DIFFERENT.

SUNRISE OVER SIMPSONS BEACH

The Christchurch Earthquake dominates my thoughts night and day.

The good news is trickling out. people helping people. Amazing stories of escape and rescue. Help still comes from all around the globe. USA, Britain, Taiwan, China, Phillipines, Japan, Australia, Interpol, and more.

Our life continues. We have been at Mum's for the last 4 nights while our daughter had a break visiting friends. She arrived home last night and will continue her holiday here. The photo says it all. This is a wonderful place and she should have a good rest although I wish she could be right away from Mum. This is her choice of how to spend her holiday.

We will go home this afternoon and there will be laundry etc after having house guests. I'll be glad to be home. I used to love it here but it's not the same anymore. Beautiful place but I find it stressful being around Mum for any length of time. Not that Mum is difficult, in fact she has become reasonably independent once more. I'm still adjusting to this after several years of living on tenterhooks, not knowing when the next sudden emergency or ealth crisis would occur. Mum is only 2 months away from her 96th birthday and has serious heart problems. She gets around the house with a walking frame and beyond that needs a wheelchair. She is not overly demanding but there are things and we have our moments.

This has taught me a great lesson. Never let your children take responsibility for your full time care. Never tie your children down so that they no longer have freedom to follow their own dreams.

Having said that, I chose to do everything in my power to keep Mum in her own home so I made a rod for my own back and Mum does appreciate that this limits our choices.

I have never wanted to change my mind but just sometimes it gets to me.

I'm not a 'saint.'

I'll go to church shortly, still eating toast and marmalade, (ssshhh, we won't mention butter), and Nestle cappuccino sachet. Favourite food, but O so bad for me. Not one aspect of this breakfast fits my healthy plan. I crave comfort food and will need to do something drastic to recover from the last few days of eating whatever I feel like.

Time to go upstairs and see Mum.

Till later.

CHRISTCHURCH EARTHQUAKE 84 HOURS ON

2011-02-26T00:31:00.004+13:00

Today I have begun to feel more able to function. I'm sure limiting the time I watch the reports from Christchurch has helped.

Today I felt as though we were slowly being brought face to face with the full reality of the earthquake. There is public admission that many dead are not only unidentified but unfound. I guess I should have realised that all the USAR, Urban Search And Rescue, teams are here for a serious purpose. While part of me knew many people were killed by the earthquake, somehow my mind refused to acknowledge the awful truth.

This will be the most dreadful disaster to ever happen in New Zealand. Not only are many people gone from this world forever but the social and economic impact will be felt for any years to come. I have seen comments that place the financial cost as greater than Hurricane Ivan, (2004). We were in Pensacola, Fl. on the 6 month anniversary of Ivan and saw for ourselves the destruction of Santa Rosa Island and noticed the blue tarpaulin roofs everywhere we went in coastal Florida. If the great United States of America takes time to recover from major disasters we are in for a long and sometimes frustrating time of rebuilding. I've seen figures bandied about that suggest the cost could be as high as $25 billion when added onto the September 4th earthquake. That's mind blowing but I can well believe it.

Like all small countries that have developed a successful tourist industry we will be hard hit in that area. We have become very dependent on tourists for income and tourism operators will need to work very hard to keep the flow of visitors into our country. This makes me feel very nervous about our economy. I don't envy people who are responsible for our economic health over the next few years.

Personally, we'll stooge along and hopefully keep our heads above water.

This is turning into a gloomy kind of post and I didn't intend to do that.

I want to celebrate the resilience of people and how New Zealanders are helping each other There are some wonderful stories. The best one by far in my opinion is the following video. I cannot embed the video even if I knew how, because it's from TV 3 News and Campbell Live. I do hope you'll have a look at Christchurch's Super-Loos.

Another is in this clip about the Volunteer-Army. It's so heart warming to see this, all done through the power of the internet.

And finally one woman's first hand experience. It will touch your heart and might make you cry but so powerful. I shouldn't write anything more but simply give you the link. THE DAY THE EARTH ROARED

I love this story too, about a helicopter pilot. You will also find this link on FaceBook to the Rangiora Earthquake Express. While official efforts are starting to reach out into the suburbs mostly the people have been isolated and it's the Rangiora Express, The Student Army and constuctors of Super-Loos that are their heroes.

We've had a busy day. This morning we went back to our house. Matarangi is 20 minute drive from Mum's where we are staying for a few nights, to finish the cleaning. We were preparing the house for weekend guests when we heard about the earthquake. Somehow the house cleaning became unimportant as we hungered for every little piece of information we could glean. We had to come over to Mum's on Wednesday so our daughter could have a well deserved break. After finishing the cleaning and having a lovely soak n my bath, (it soothes my itchy skin), we returned to have tea, (dinner) with Mum then had to go back to Matarangi to greet our guests who arrived about 10 pm. Now at Mum's, John has gone to bed and I'm trying to get this published.

Now I've confused all my American readers. The Earthquake was 1 pm Tuesday, we came to Mum's early afternoon Wednesday. Today is Friday, well it was, it's now nearly 2 am Saturday. Still confused ... don't blame you. I think I am too.

There has already been one earthquake today, just a very small one but yesterday there were 42 and one in particular caused a lot of concern. About 7.15 pm there was a 4.3 which shook things up a lot and made more buildings at risk of falling. Total since Tuesdays big one, 255 in 85 hours. I'd be a nervous wreck if I lived in Christchurch.

I do hope you enjoyed reading and watching some expressions of the Kiwi Spirit. I think the Super-Loos should feature in Home and Garden glossies.

Time for bed. Goodnight and many Blessings on you and your family.

CHRISTCHURCH EARTHQUAKE 48 HOURS ON

2011-02-24T13:04:00.003+13:00

ANOTHER DAY DAWNS ON OUR STRICKEN CITY

My Dear Friends,

My heart is breaking.

We've just seen pictures of damage in our favourite suburb, Merrivale. The rescue people are now searching for people under the rubble with dogs.

The search for survivors has moved into the suburbs and smaller buildings.

It's believed that there are maybe 150 lost in just 3 of the larger Central City buildings.That is beginning to sound like the tip of the iceberg.

International teams are arriving. They are very welcome. We need them. Everything seems to be extremely well organised. The logistics of feeding volunteers, providing somewhere to sleep and ablution/toilet facilities are mind boggling.

There is huge generousity from the community with food supplies for volunteers and other workers, being made free of charge by SuperMarket organisations, today at least. Most of the warehouses are functioning so supplies are not quite as disrupted as might have been. Some areas have eftpos facilities so people can access money again. Rural communities are not badly affected. City people are being offered temporary accommodation by other Cantabrians and people all over the country.

The damage is unbelievable. Communities are reeling. The organisation of rescue teams and restoration of infrastructure is going ahead in an orderly way.

It sounds as though over 1000 International USAR, Urban Search and Rescue, with specialised equipment are either in the city or about to arrive. Our Prime Minister has a scheduled phone call with President Obama.

At last the workers can be put on a roster system of 12 hour shifts. We are being told by media observers this is a well oiled machine. Even the mayor suggested September 4th was a Training Run for this. I must admit I doubt if we would have got things moving nearly as well back in September. There seems to be an extra-ordinary ability to strategise and make the best of all resources and reach areas in good order.

It helps that a military exercise was in process as the Navy, the ship Canterbury, was in port, Army on the ground and Airforce instantly available. The Canterbury is feeding hundreds of people in Lyttleton.

Yesterday our city son was out on Road safety. He's in shock. He found many people wanted to question their efforts to keep roads free for emergency services. Where they are using soldiers there is not the same questioning of authority. On September 4th he worked 13 hours straight with little food and water. This time he is going away for the weekend. It's a totally different scenario.

Many Christchurch people still have no power so have no idea of the overall damage to their city and the rescue efforts going on. They aren't getting the message to keep off the roads and stay home except for essential trips. They haven't heard that communities, neighbours, need to look after each other rather than depend on the official efforts.

View Larger Map

THE FOUR AVENUES DISTRICT IS DEFINED BY DEANS, MOORHOUSE, FITZGERALD AND BEALEY AVENUES

Deans Ave is to the left on this map, on the other side of Hagley Park. I'm sorry I did not find a static map of this area to embed but you can get a better idea of the layout of Christchurch by making it larger and playing around with it on Google Maps.

There are always idiots, rubberneckers, people going out to take photographs, people who complain about the mayor and his workers and of course looters. There is a report that at least 6 have been arrested and someone who is holding vigil for a loved one trapped in a CBD building has had their house burgled. Not hard when the windows are smashed and the doors sprung open.

Our Government declared a National Emergency. This is the first time in New Zealand's history this has been done. It enables the Government to take action to get essential services up and running as fast as possible and make good use of military personel and International offers of help.

Our Prime Minister made a Chrurchillian State Speech. We can do this. New Zealanders pull together. We will survive and be strong.

He is assuring us that the economic shock will not be as severe as some might think. That said, many people have lost their income and it's almost certain that most buildings within the four avenues will be years in restoration. This is an area of about 3 square kilometres, about 1 1/4 square miles.

Our city son will have work for years to come. The company he works for does road construction. But Wayne and Amanda have a business they are growing. It's called Baby On The Move and was growing nicely with a lot of hard work being put in, mostly by his wife, a trained nanny. Many of their clients were tourists or grandparents etc. with visiting families. They have no idea how long before they will be able to operate again. They have a show room at their home. This is closed as the building is damaged. They have no idea how long before their home will be fit to live in as there is no power, no water, no sewerage, damaged roof and walls. It's fine to camp in.

Yesterday they moved to Hornby, an undamaged part of the city to stay with friends. They had plans already in place to go to a Baby On The Move Conference in Hastings this weekend. Tomorrow they fly out of the shakey city. They are living day to day and not thinking too much about next week.

Statistics. I've been looking at the Christchurch Earthquake statistics and they are mind boggling. Since September 4th which is now being called the Training Run to prepare us for the Big One. As I write there have been 4000, shakes since September 4th. The last one was less than 30 minutes ago. There have been 30 so far today, 74 yesterday and 63 on Tuesday. That's 166 since the one that brought the city crashing down. At least three of today's quakes have been more than 4 on the Richter Scale.

Many people in the damaged suburbs still have no idea of how badly damaged their city is. We were talking to our son last night who was watching TV in the friends home, where they are staying. He was shocked. He had driven around parts of the damaged area during the day in the course of his work. He had ridden his bike around the previous day, shortly after the quake to check on his father-in-law and another relative. Thankfully all were safe. He had seen first hand the damage in the Sept. 4th quake and he'd been getting reports via radio and through his work Radio Telephone. The pictures have shaken him.

Our other son lives south of the city in an area that was barely affected although he said it was a nasty shake. He was preparing a batch of concrete to truck further south to Hororata. This tiny rural community was featured in the September earthquake when the historic church was seriously damaged. Both he and his partner will be able to carry on their lives as usual.

There will be many people, vulnerable people, disabled, elderly and children who are not coping with this major earthquake. They are all being carried in my heart and prayers. There will be many fathers, mothers and other family providers who are in despair of how they will care for their families this time. I met someone who was taking a break following the September earthquake. He was struggling, his child would not stay ina room alone, could not sleep in his own bed. This is the hidden toll of such an event that no-one talks about.

Some people will carry on as though this is just another disaster and not be affected. We feel shattered. This is the city of my husband's birth. Members of his family have lived there for a century. We are deeply affected and know the places we are seeing which are now broken. Our heart's are sad. We feel for those who have lost loved one's. This is a very personal journey for us. We might live many miles away, 1100 km/683 miles, a journey by car of 13 hours including the ferry crossing of Cook Strait, but this city is dear to our hearts.

We've had to turn the TV off. The stories are gripping us and paralysing us. We are limiting our viewing. I does no one any good for us to hover over TV feeling sick with anguish.

We are comforted that Christchurch will rise up again. Different but equally beautiful, I'm sure. Why not better than before? We have the examples of San Francisco and New Orleans to give us hope.

As I finally publish this post there have been 37 earthquakes today, 1 pm.. The latest was 20 minutes ago, magnitude, 3.7 depth 6km or about 3.7 miles. That's 7 in less than 3 hours, 173 in the last 48 hours. I'm glad I'm not there.

Our day is quiet. We are staying with Mum while our daughter has a few days with friends. After lunch I have a little shopping, groceries, something for tea, (dinner) and collect something from the Pharmacy for Mum. I think I should take a walk on the beach. Good for the nerves and all that.

This has taken me hours to write and check details so I won't be back until sometime tomorrow.

PEOPLE ARE LEAVING THE CITY

2011-02-23T11:12:00.001+13:00

The first photo is a map of the quake area. Many of the aftershocks are causing damage.The second is the main route from Christchurch Cathedral to my City sons home, about 5 km
The second map shows Brighton, and Lyttleton.

10 am

Those who are able are packing up and leaving the city. I wonder how many will leave permanently. The scientists are in shock and suggest Christchurch. may never be safe again. I guess that's the extreme view and comes out of the individuals own shock and fear. This man said there needs to be a lot of money go into research of the ground structure before there is any rebuilding.

The face of the city is changed forever.

Some overseas tourists have been evacuated with nothing but what they stood up in and their blanket and pillow given to the to make last night a little more comfortable.

At this stage I believe my family will stay put and become part of the rebuilding.

There are many USAR, Urban Search and Rescue, on the ground with more coming from Japan and USA. More help is also on the way. The Australians are here.

Many people are still trapped alive.

Water and sewerage are out and power is out over a large part of the city. We still cannot reach our city son by phone. There are problems with the water supply and any are without drinking water and many SuperMarkets closed so supplies cannot be replenished. Another logistic nightmare to get enough water into the affected suburbs.

It's a shock when you here the Minister of Civil Defense say people will have to bury their waste including poos in their back yards.

Five people were rescued last night from one of the worst hit buildings. There are also several dead. Right now another person has been rescued alive as I write.

It is sounding as though the CBD between the four avenues is wrecked. What stands will have to come down.

Rescuers are working through numerous shakes.

Outer suburbs are being reached by the army. Ambulances cannot get through.

All we have are helicopter pictures of Lyttleton. The route to Lyttleton, the port, is over or under the port hills, a mountainous road which is severely damaged and as far as I can tell the tunnel remains closed.

The suburb of Brighton, is cut off from ambulances and the army are there. News outside the CBD is sketchy. I guess we need local radio to get more information. TV seems to be caught in the CBD and again are not getting much footage of other areas.

The reporters have said that if they leave they will not be allowed back through the cordon.

11 am

Just talked to my son who is on Road safety duties out near the sewerage ponds. A damaged area. He is busy so didn't chat.

I am supposed to be preparing our house for weekend guests and packing to go stay at Mum's while our daughter has a break. It's hard to leave the TV. The news is gripping and horrifying. Ths is one of our favourite cities and we know it well. I just want to cry and cry.

Must get on with my own life. Sitting here is not helping anyone. It's painful day.

Will update later today.

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK AS THOUGH THERE IS SOME ORDER IN THE CHAOS

2011-02-22T20:29:00.003+13:00

Most people seem to have found a place to go tonight. There are several welfare centres. People from the city centre gathered in nearby Hagley Park. This park had marques and buildings being prepared for the Ellerslie Flower Show which begins in two weeks. There are about 1500 people there and the army is organising blankets. It won't be a comfortable night and the aftershocks keep coming.

Many of these people are tourists who cannot go to their accommodation and only have what they took with them on their day out sight seeing.

It's hoped to open the airport tomorrow, probably a limited number of flights. The earthquake disrupted all flights to and around NZ and there are many people stuck in airports around the country.

It is thought there may be 200 or more people trapped in buildings in the Central City and there are officially 65 dead.

Specialist urban search people are at work. With help from Australia there will be 200 searchers tomorrow morning.

I'm pleased to say all our immediate family are safe. Our city son has quite a lot of damage to his house and liquefaction bogged their cars. Wayne is not able to go to work at this point and the job he would be doing will be down to the police Navy and Army who, by coincidence were in the area. I understand there are about 500 military personnel available. There was also a medical conference in the city. 200 extra Doctors are now helping. The city is virtually closed down.

Medical services seem to be well organised. It helped that the Christchurch hospital was not seriously affected and has been able to continue taking casualties while some are being medivac'ed out to other hospitals.

Searching will continue through the night. There is now rain to complicate things.

It's terrible and very sad to see this beautiful city going through tragedy.

TV is keeping us well informed and we will need to turn it off soon or we will never sleep tonight.

Our eldest son lives in the country and while they experienced the earthquake they had no damage. We'll contact John's cousin tomorrow night to see how his family are and hopefully he'll have news of other family members.

MASSIVE DAMAGE DISASTER

2011-02-22T15:47:00.005+13:00

There are three triage sites. There is at least one serious fire. People are in that building. The firefighters are using helicopters and monsoon buckets as it is impossible to get fire fighting traffic in.

Ambulances are being supplemented by private vehicles.

The Christchurch Cathedral is severely damaged and the spire has come down. We hope all the people got out but it has been suggested there were people in the tower.

Most of the people are out of the Press building but some remain trapped under their desks under loads of rubble..

Gas is being shut off. This is the reticulated gas for heating and cooking.

There has been a huge landslide at Sumner.

I can't imagine what has happened at Lyttleton. This is one of our major ports and was severely damaged in the last quake. This earthquake was centred near Lyttleton. The Navy are there off the ship Canterbury. It sounds as though there is not the same concern for trapped people but buildings collapsed. A reporter who walked over the hills to get there says the people are gathered on their front lawns making a cup of tea on a primus.

Again Liquifaction, sand acting like water, is causing serious concern. Roads are a mess.

It sounds as though every home will have damage if only the stuff falling off shelves.

People are leaving the city.

Central city is being evacuated.

Many aftershocks.

Many people trapped in buildings. Very dangerous rescue work as buildings unstable and much damage and rubble.

Buildings that withstood the September earthquake have collapsed. It's a mess.

Still poor communication and we have no idea how one son and his wife and her parents are. Amanda's mother was in hospital recovering from a stroke.

One son and his wife are safe. Again they were away from the area of serious damage.

It's a disaster and I can't imagine what ur other son is having to cope with as he will be out with road safety.

Naturally we are anxious. We have other relatives in Christchurch. It's the town John grew up in.

SHOCKED AND UPSET BY NEW EARTHQUAKE IN CHRISTCHURCH

2011-02-22T14:27:00.003+13:00

The pictures are awful. The news is bad.

Many people trapped and fatalities.

My sons will be caught up in this.

We have no news of them as yet.

I'm praying they are all safe but no guarantees.

We will be glued to TV for rest of day.

Our Prime Minister is going down in a helicopter in next few minutes.

Much damage.

It will be a rough time for the rescue people.

Hospital being evacuated.

1 pm many people on the street and at work.

Communication not good but satellite TV