QUILTING WILL DOMINATE THE NEXT FEW MONTHS

TIME TO GET THIS FINISHED - 10 YEARS WORK IN PROGRESS

Monday, October 17, 2011

CHANGING MY PRIORITIES

Life is not great right now. That's why I have not been blogging. There is stuff going on in my family which is taking up most of my energy, mental, physical and emotional. This is not the happiest of times.

As I seek to find a way through I've begun to study the nature of addiction.

WAKE-UP CALL

I have described myself as addicted to certain foods in the past. I can go without but after a time I begin to feel deprived, especially coffee and wheat products. I enjoy desserts but wheat and coffee are my default products. Neither of these groups add to my good health so are better omitted entirely. A huge sacrifice.

I'm not alone in moaning about food addiction being the hardest to deal with. Our good health demands that we eat. The problem is with what we eat. I can eat basically healthy food and keep the quantity I eat within reasonable amounts. I can count calories, although it's something I loath. I can tweak and twitch until the nutritional balance is perfect on paper. What I seem to be helpless about is my default foods, the ones I go to when stressed, tired, bored, excited, rebellious, celebratory and so on.

It sounds so easy to eliminate certain foods and sometimes I find it so. This is one of those times when I am not finding it easy and I don't even want to try. I don't want to make the effort required. I don't want to do the work required. It's too easy to get up in the morning, make a cup of coffee, a slice of toast or two and slather it with cool butter and top with marmite, marmalade, jam etc. It's too easy to do the same mid-morning, lunch , mid afternoon and late evening with dinner being the only meal with good protein and veggies.

I'm not sure why I do this to myself, but it's my version of comfort food all the way, and breaking away takes strength that I don't seem to have all too often.

I was introduced to true, vibrant Christianity by reading The Cross And The Switchblade by David Wilkerson. This true story described drug addicts coming free by the power of Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus and prayer. I was deeply impressed by the power of God. At that time I was not aware I had an addictive personality and I was acceptably healthy.

Recently I've felt the need to understand more about addiction, how it works, the power it has over us and what we must do to come free.

All addiction has the same root. The way to becoming free require similar shift in thinking and doing. Regardless of whether you are religious or not something has to fill the hole the addiction is filling.

I believe that our Creator is the only one who can meet the needs of the addict.

I believe that only a great intelligence could have created the earth and all that is in it and around it. The only thing that makes sense to me is the description of creation in the Bible. Whether one reads this description as a simplistic description and literal fact or as a process which took place over millions of years doesn't matter. The mathematical detail in creation is beyond the haphazard or ''big bang.''

I believe that the Creator did not have a random plan. I believe that I was born with a purpose. The main aspect of that purpose is to have a relationship with my Creator. I believe the Creator has personality and a great love for His creation. In his plan is a design for me to have a relationship with Him which is healthy, wholesome and for my benefit, my good. The plan gives me a way to know my Creator as my Father. Jesus made this possible and after his death on the cross he left us a gift, Holy Spirit. One of the goals of the Holy Spirit is to free us from anything that hinders our relationship with the Father.

Life happens and we put up coping instruments, crutches which are not always helpful long term. Our crutches take us away from God's best. I want God's best for me and my family and my friends, neighbours, the world.

I am paraphrasing  here .... I'm not going to cite the book because the subject is irrelevant to the overall struggle with addiction.

The struggling addict needs to count the cost of commitment to coming free. Questions to ask are ....

#Will I continue to seek God when I don't feel like it?

#When I feel more like returning to my addictive habit?

#When the going gets rough and neither God nor His people seem available? #

When God isn't meeting my expectations of how and when healing should occur in my life? #

Will I seek God even then ... Will I?

Tough questions that need honest answers. Nothing pat. I need to dig deep and be sure there will be no turning back on this commitment.

An important part of the process is CHANGE.

God demands that those who want to be free forsake, leave behind the futile efforts to cover up the pain and barrenness of spirit.

It's false to say,''I want to be free,'' but not try to lay down the false freedom/comfort of the addictive behaviour.

It would appear that there is no hope without abstention. That's tough.

In some ways it's simple. It's easy.

In other ways it's the biggest challenge I've ever faced.

It begins with worshipping my God. This is not an easy situation in a family where I'm the ONLY person who understands and wants this. I am not facing persecution in the way that a Hindu or Moslem women do but it's still a lonely place to be.

Wisdom and discretion and creativeness are required.

More than anything is seeking fresh encounter with God's love. Without this I feel lost.

I'm hoping that being in this city, Christchurch, with it's many resources I will find some help over the next few weeks. We are returning home to the semi-isolation of the Coromandel Peninsula in 4-5 weeks.
MORNING STROLL THROUGH THE CHERRY WALK, PALMERSTON NORTH ESPLANADE 1ST OCTOBER 2011

12 comments:

Kate said...

love that cherry walk photo Margieanne.

Please dont give up on blogging, if anything, it is a wonderful tool for expressing yourself even when you cant in 'real life' due to the pressures you are under. I understand your addiction, and change is such a hard thing to do. I am s l o w l y changing my life around when it comes to my addiction and self esteem & have since lost 10kg. I know its only a drop in the ocean compared to what I have to go through but it's better to start to make changes than not :) big hugs to you xox

Hippygal said...

I hate that food is an addiction, it is a vicious cycle..... Love the photo, and I really hope that you do keep blogging. Take care and sending you happy and positive vibes....... Xx

Cammy@TippyToeDiet said...

I'm sorry you're having such a struggle now, MargieAnne! Keep reminding yourself that these time are tests of faith...and then lean on that faith!

heyduke50 said...

we may not agree on some things in your this blog but i bet you will likely see some amazing things in the Coromandel Peninsula and while you are visiting Christchurch!

take care and stay healthy...

Deb Willbefree said...

So glad you posted. I was just praying for you and yours last night.

I, too, have been thinking about ddiction and that I need to look deeper into the AA resources.

I've been thinking thru abstinence and what it involves for me, too. I was just talking to God about that the other day and thoguht about it again this afternoon as I wrote a post.

It's interesting that you wrote on this subject right now. :} Great minds think alike, as they say. :)

You will continue to be in my prayers.

Deb

Phyllis said...

I pray you find the peace you need.

Rettakat said...

"More than anything is seeking fresh encounter with God's love."

This is so beautiful and true. It reminds me of that old hymn, Turn Your Eye Upon Jesus...

Chris H said...

{{{HUGS ANNE AND JOHN}}} at this particularly stressful and horrid time.
I used to walk by those very trees at least 5 days a week when we lived in Palmerston North!

JC said...

Hey Margieanne, sorry your going through a difficult time. As I read your words, I felt that I could have written some of them. This post helped me know that I'm not alone. Praying for you.

Joy said...

So sorry you are struggling! Keep your eyes on the Lord and he will show you the way! Praying for peace and joy for you today!

Keep focused!

DaDivaStreet said...

Hi MargieAnne, I hope things are better for you and yours. Thinking of you and keeping you in prayers.

DaDivaStreet

Hippygal said...

Just popping in to say hi.... Hope things are better for you. Take care xx