Wednesday, 22 June 2011


It was a restless night. I did pray, feeling somewhat close to God and at peace before I fell asleep but I woke up after one dream and found my mind running amok with uncomfortable memories that are far in the past and really were insignificant happenings. I had to exercise my mind to stop the flow and recover some peace.

The second dream came just before dawn. That's when I gave up on sleep and tried to work out what was going on.
The second dream .....

We, meaning our nearby family of John, daughter, Jay, and Mum had a day out. It was some kind of garden party maybe, at a large and beautiful, architectural building, maybe a University. The building was modern, with lovely polished timber, glass and steel.  I remember smelling roses when we arrived. Inside, I was on an upstairs floor looking for a way down. There were conventional stairs but I wanted to go to an area served by an unusual vertical ladder arrangement of polished timber.

It didn't look too difficult and my companion handled it easily as were others. I was encouraged by a young Asian man, probably a mature student but when I tried it became a stretch beyond my powers of strength, physically and mentally. I became a little desperate before noticing an elevator which I used. Arriving at ground level I was outside in the garden. Don't dreams take liberties with reality?

I turned, wanting to go toward where I expected to find family and found I was entering the rose garden. Again the perfume flooded the air. The roses were beautiful. I wanted to find my mother so she could enjoy the garden.

Mum has had extensive and beautiful rose gardens of her own as did my Grandmother and at least one Great-aunt.

I woke realising that I had dreamed the perfume which was intense but not overpowering.. There is nothing in or around our house that comes even close to that glorious rose scented air. I also realised the roses were more beautiful, more brilliantly and delicately coloured, and the blooms were more profuse and perfectly formed than you would ever find in real life. Was it a hint of heaven?
I wonder what it means. I understand the fear. Fear dreams have stalked me most of my life. When I was a child I used to dream I was being chased by a raging bull and at the moment of excruciating fear, just before the bull got me, I would float into the air. This type of dream is common to those who have experienced childhood trauma. The need to escape becomes like a separation of body and spirit.. It is a spiritual thing and I needed to forgive a few people to experience wholeness and unity of my spirit and body. Kind of weird stuff but God brought me through to a healthier place.

As an adult I began to have recurring dreams of being high, maybe a crane gantry, maybe just high up in a house and either the escape route disappeared or became impossible, or when there was a possible route I froze with fear. These dreams were at their height during my years of healing from past hurts from others and myself. Gradually the fear factor lessened and as in last night's, or this morning's dream, there was an easy escape route.

I understand the fear. I am afraid of my mother dying, not just the missing her but all that it means to not have her around. She helps me stay grounded. It is her presence that maintains family ties and peace.

I am afraid John will go before me. While I'm the one that's seriously overweight with high blood pressure, he is the one who has minor incidents of dizziness that so far cannot be tracked down to anything specific. Some days he looks grey but his Dr. has found no cause. I am quite capable of living on my own and making my own life. In fact there are many things I would dearly like to be involved in but have been set aside because I don't want to live with the tension it causes anymore. We are accustomed to being together after 47 years and I have come to depend on him for so much. In many ways he is my rock.

I am afraid for my family in Christchurch and feel for the people caught in the ongoing situation. There was another significant earthquake last night followed by more severe  aftershocks. Stuff fell off shelves again and power went out. The Airport has reported the ground movement was greater than last Mondays severe quake.
Christchurch has faced so many significant quakes it's hard to believe it continues. Last night's exposed a new fault line. How many more? By today's end there will have been 7600 in less than 10 months. (only 5 more and there has been at least one while I write). Granted they were spread over the whole of Canterbury and most were insignificant and would have gone unnoticed except for the GNS science reports which we keep a close eye on. Most of them have directly affected Christchurch city and 25 were between 5.2 and 7.1, two being 6.3. Last night's at 5.4 ranks in the top 9.

GNS Science tell us that Christchurch and surrounding area are experiencing an extraordinary Event which is ongoing for as long as it takes the earth to settle down again. Apparently it could be unique in the known history of the Earthquakes around the world. This is interesting but it doesn't help the people who clean up broken glass and liquifaction for the umpteenth time or those who are living without sewerage in houses that will eventually be demolished.

Half of the people of Christchurch are living in difficult conditions, the rest are unaffected as far as property damage is concerned. Some people have been going out, along the street to use portaloos since Sept 4th. I don't know how they do it. I really don't! They even have to  leave their homes to shower and do laundry. It's a terrible situation to be in especially if you are elderly or with a young family. No wonder people are beginning to make serious long term plans to leave the city they love.

And here I sit, an island away, at ease in my recliner, laptop keeping my knees warm, the smell of freshly baking bread filling our house. Beside me, my beloved who is reading the newspaper. I am determined not to fret over things I cannot change. Time for some good music. Maybe a Legacy Five video. Their gospel music is guaranteed to sooth my nerves. Music is a wonderful healer. I often think of the effect David's harp playing has on King Saul.

1 Samuel 16:23
And it came to pass, when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him.

Edit. There have been 7601 quakes in Canterbury since September 4th, 2010. 21 of those have occurred in the last 14 hours, 6 of those since I began writing this, which admittedly was some hours ago.

I get most of my local information from this news site. There is a lot of information there including Ask the experts about the Canterbury Earthquakes.

1 comment:

Malone said...

Just thought I would try to comment to let you know there are folks here thinking of you, praying for you, reading your heartfelt posts and wishing you well.