Tuesday, February 15, 2011
MILESTONE AND REFLECTIONS
I'm beginning my second year of keeping track of my food and exercise. The photos are a random selection from the last twelve months. I celebrated, I also grieved, holidayed in Christchurch, visiting the Giant's House with it's Mosaic Sculpture Garden, I walked, fed monarch butterfly caterpillars, fed ourselves and generally enjoyed life. Our kittens are grown up and I often feel like sleeping just as they do much of the time.
My records are kept here. It's an addition to this journal. On Sunday I completed my first year. It's been good for me and I'm cross with myself for not writing this up yesterday. I wrote nothing anywhere. That's a pity because it would have been nice to at least begin my 2nd year of tracking with a post on the first day.
My year of tracking was far from perfect. There are only 243 posts so there were many days I didn't keep my date with my on-line tracker.
It was Sean Anderson who inspired me to keep track of the days. I didn't start keeping this record at the very beginning, which was somewhere around January 15th, although my weight loss efforts go back a long way.
I've been working at controlling/managing my weight for as long as I can remember. That's not quite true. I think I was 18 the first time I determined to lose weight although I was in my healthy weight range at the time and remained so for the next 6 or 7 years. It wasn't until after I had children my weight began to spiral out of control. This became a problem after our second child was born and I was prescribed antidepressants for a time.These had the side effect of weight gain. If only my doctor had warned me.
I remained overweight and yo-yo dieting for years. A combination of circumstances finally overwhelmed me in the early 1990s and here I am today, morbidly obese, in spite of many successful attempts to lose weight.
It's comparatively recent that my mind-set changed. The 'old me,' would go on a 'diet to lose weight.' Now I know "I need to make permanent lifestyle changes." I attribute this change to joining the on-line weight loss community. Here I've found friends. I've found the most amazing support and inspiration. I found people who embrace the low-carb lifestyle. I no longer feel alone. I've found compassion, understanding, intelligence, humour and more. In fact everything I need to make this work for me.
The one thing that keeps catching me out and surprising me is how difficult I find it to manage days when I'm tired or stressed or emotional. I have less resilience, less energy lower resistance than I once had. Maybe this has always been true but I do wish I had the mental and physical energy I once had, say twenty or even ten years ago.
I'd love to just give up. But giving up is not an option and I couldn't live with myself if I gave up.
I refuse to entertain the seemingly easy wa out and negative thoughts. My mother is only 3.5 months from her 96th birthday, (May 5th). I have her genes. I have no desire to live another 20 + years growing fatter and weaker. Mum would not have lived so long except she has been generally healthy and active and merely overweight. I will never be as consistently active as she was and then yet again maybe I am in my own way. We do things differently and I certainly lead a healthier life than Mum ever did, when I am doing things according to my healthy plan. I've never been consistent for long enough to make a real difference.
On reflection I will continue to follow my healthy plan most of the time. I accept that I'm imperfect and I will not always do things right. Better to do something not so well than do nothing.
That's a hard concept for me to accept. I am an absolutist. I dislike doing anything I cannot do perfectly. I'm trying to find a new catchphrase to express this idea. First I need to learn to admire those who do not wait until all their ducks are in a row before they get to work.
I'm at the beginning of another year's adventure, learning to live a healthy lifestyle and maybe I'll grow up a little.