Saturday, 6 November 2010
CHANGING MY FOCUS?
THIS CANOE HAS BEEN LYING HERE TOO LONG
WE are staying at Mum's for the next 3 or 4 night's while Jay has a break away with friends. The weather is gorgeous and I'm wishing I had my swimsuit.
THE SEA IS BRILLIANT AQUAMARINE. SO APPROPRIATE.
I've been thinking for a while that being a weight watcher is not working for me. I'm bored silly with worrying about my weight and doing all the work to see the numbers shrink. I go so well for a time, feel well, get fitter, then slide into a period of failure.
THE WATER IS WARM ... WELL NOT FREEZING COLD ON THE EDGE AT LEAST.
I see others being successful in the long term and wonder why I'm not there. I really want to be healthy, fit and slim so why can't I do the work to get there.
My health and well being are extremely important.
THIS HEAVILY BEARDED SHELL CAUGHT MY EYE. THERE HAVE BEEN EASTERLY WINDS AND ROUGH SEA THIS LAST WEEK WHICH BROUGHT IN A LOT OF SEAWEED
I could care less about what I weigh except it's nice to wear pretty clothes and be able to shop anywhere instead of just having one favourite group of shops, Daisy T, which are only found in the larger cities and are rather expensive. Not that I mind paying when I'm still wearing clothes I bought 5 years ago which still feel good and look good because their designers make things i like and suit me. I do look around the cheaper shops from time to time and in desperation make the odd purchase but rarely do I find something that is truly satisfactory.
NEIGHBOUR'S DINGHY HELPS TO MAKE A PRETTY PICTURE
So ... Does that mean my main reason for losing weight is to have a smaller body and look better in my clothes? Not really because I do look nice if I choose wisely. I would look even better if I was smaller and it would be easier and cheaper to find clothes I like.
Health and well being are my real focus and become more important as you grow older. My daughter, Jay, is a Community Nurse. That means she does follow up treatments in people's homes as well as clinic appointments for medical, post operative and Hospice care. This morning she was talking about some of her more difficult patients in the sense they have multiple health issues. Many are smokers or drinkers or do little exercise. People with unhealthy lifestyles do not have a happy time as they age.
I know these things. I'm not stupid or am I? It is stupid to continue to do something that is ruining your life. For nearly 20 years I've had a BMI over 35. Right now it's too close to 40 for comfort. I do things in fits and starts. Even though I've chosen to live a healthier lifestyle I'm still a yo-yo dieter and a spasmodic exerciser. Incidentally I'm not BMI conscious but maybe it would help me to consider it.
We also talked about addiction and how most people break through the physical/chemical side of addiction in 72 hours. The craving and emotional/spiritual side often lasts a lifetime. Recently I read there is scientific evidence proving that it takes 4 days to break an addiction to a high carbohydrate diet. That fits with my experience. Low carbohydrate may not be sustainable every day for the rest of my life but I know there's room to be flexible providing I stay within certain guidelines. My problem is that I have taken liberties with being 'flexible' and it doesn't work for me.
ANOTHER DAY LILLY
I am now in a state where it takes tremendous brain power and determination to get through those first 4 days and continue to the end of the first week. Once I get through the first 3 weeks I tend to be on a roll and not only loose weight but feel more energetic and healthy.
I've done this so many times it should be easy but there's a little voice nagging away saying to me. 'Why bother? Life is for living!' Do I really live to eat? Are certain foods so important to me that I'd feel as if I only have half a life if I reduce or even eliminate them? I know I've felt kind of rebellious that at my time of life I have to 'diet.'
I need to be sensible and tell that stupid voice that I can't continue like this and I'm not really living as things are. I want to optimise my life. It's plain stupid to use my age as an excuse to eat whatever when by doing so I'm reducing my general enjoyment of life. It becomes more of a struggle to move as you grow older so why add weight to it? Digestion also becomes more easily upset as one ages so there are many reasons to stop making excuses and get on with becoming as healthy as possible.
I can't believe I've allowed myself to be in this position at 71. It makes me cross but nothing is solved by beating myself up.
I don't want to put the scales away. I'm not talking about that. There is something exciting about watching those numbers change when they are going down. I've been thinking a lot about what I really want to do. I read a heap of Blogs, not all are weight, fitness, health orientated, but enough of them are for me to know I'm not alone in my mental battle.
GOLD AND PURPLE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE COMBINATIONS
In yesterday's dream I struggled to climb into the 'wagon'. It was very high and difficult. I was overweight and unfit in my dream and that was the main reason I found it so difficult to get into that wagon. Whether this is how I think about where I am now or not doesn't really matter. My battle is to have optimal health. For this to happen I need to eat only those foods that contribute to good health as far as my budget allows. It also means I need to become regularly active.
THIS TREE IS SO TALL. UNDERNEATH IS A RED BOTTLE BRUSH LOVED BY THE TUIS, AND THE OUTSIDE SHOWER
These are changes that must be made. I have no choice if I want to be healthy going forward. Weight loss is a natural result of living to improve my health. I don't even want to talk about weight loss any more.
Healthy food includes a good amount of protein, fresh vegetables and fruit and I believe the fats and carbohydrates look after themselves within those guidelines. The food is easy. I just need to do it.
IN THE SHADE OF THE NORFOLK PINE
More difficult is exercise. I love to be active but it's becoming difficult. My body aches and is tired and weary. My feet hurt. My back aches. I quickly become breathless. I already have high blood pressure and I worry that I may have a hint of heart disease.
I've pondered on this matter. Sorry if I'm boring you. Which comes first, the eating well to lose weight or the exercise?
I LOVE TO SEE LAUNDRY WAVING IN THE SUN
Once upon a time when I ate well my energy increased and I enjoyed walking so much that before long I wanted to add in other things like stretching and the more demanding cross trainer and weights etc. That's probably still true but I haven't put it to the test for a wee while.
I am talking about health in general here. Two things go together, good diet and exercise. In all other ways I lead a healthy enough life.
Conclusion. I'm bored with having a focus on weight loss. This journal was never meant to be just about weight loss, and it never has been, although sometimes that's hard to tell.
I'm slowly changing my mind set. I don't know whether it will make it easier or harder to live a healthier and happier life. I don't know how it is going to work out in practice. I don't know what changes there will be but I cannot go on as I am.
I have a future. It won't be much unless I do what I can to optimise my health.
Here's to a healthy lifestyle.