I'm going away for 3 days.
No computer. No scales. Outside my controlled environment. How will I survive?
Bo Blog reading. No writing here. No sudoku.
This will do me good. I need to get among my friends. I've allowed myself to become insular, isolated, from all but family for weeks. I don't think that's been good for me.
I am aware that I have found ways of not communicating, even with TWJ. I am an island with a thorny hedge around my borders. I don't want anyone to come into my secret place. I have no desire to break through. I know I'm the only one who can but I feel helpless. I don't know if I want to change but for my own health and those I love I must.
As I wrote that I was reminded of the story of Sleeping Beauty.
Perhaps my spirit is desperate but my mind didn't want to know.
Tomorrow is River Day, Ladies monthly retreat.
I will stay with my pastor, friends of the highest order.
And go to church with them on Sunday before coming home.
I am in a panic. I want to stay right here. I didn't realise how much I had narrowed my life down so that I would feel 'safe.'
Weird. I am an adventurer.
But lately I have noticed some scary changes. I seem to be avoiding going out unless it is absolutely essential. If I hadn't needed to go to Mum's I would have gone weeks without leaving our home. I seem to be swinging through extremes and I'm not always aware of what is happening. I try to analyse and rationalise without getting introspective. Truth is my life has become unbalanced.
This weekend should help me.
I must go to bed. It's late because I've been dozing in my chair. The state where to wake up takes too much energy so I just drift off to sleep again. I have to be up early, packed and on the road as early as possible. River Day begins at 9 am and I have 1.5 hour of driving.
I'll be back Monday and write how it all goes.