I seem to be recovering some of my zest. Going to bed before midnight helps. This is my last day at home, not getting in the car, for now. Tomorrow I'm on duty at Mum's. I also feel a little sad. Today is the funeral of the mother of one of my close friends. I thought about going but really could not bring myself to face a long day out with about 7 hours driving in the current soggy weather. I feel a little bit selfish because my main reason for not going has to do with my weight loss. I am, only now, starting to feel on top of things and rested after all the sadness and stress of May, and last weeks trip to Rotorua. To go to Auckland today will undo all of the last few days quietness. I'm sure my friend isn't expecting us to go but that doesn't make me feel any better right now. I know how special it is when someone you are not expecting makes an effort to be there for you. I've made the best decision for my health and that matters to me. Sometimes the choices are hard to make. It's not easy to put my own needs first.
I needed these last 5 days at home to begin to unwind and get things back in perspective. I get into a place where I sleep badly, I sit up half the night reading nothing important, I lose focus for my daily living and it seems to take forever to feel right again. This is a pattern I recognise and understand. My hope is that as I become slimmer and fitter these Blaaahs, the down times, will lessen. Experience tells me that as I grow older I need to be more concerned about my daily lifestyle than ever. Long gone are the days when I quickly bounce right up again, if they were ever there. I don't bounce anymore. I have to drag myself up. It takes a lot of effort and I need to give myself time. Rushing around like a wild thing doesn't do it.
I can see the sun poking through the watery clouds so perhaps today I will break my walking drought.
Yesterday I was read this
To quote Jack 'Let’s get through one good day, and what say we make that day today'.
That's all I'm asking of myself today.