Monday, 24 May 2010


I'm having trouble thinking of something to write and I see that it is 4 days since my last post. I don't think my life is so boring that I've had nothing to say for 4 days, but perhaps it is.

I spent Wednesday and Thursday with Mum. TWJ went over on Friday. Since then we've stayed home. I like that, especially when it's as wet and miserable as the last two days. There has been enough rain to satisfy Noah. I'm sure there will be slips on the roads around us. This morning TWJ put on gumboots and raincoat to go across the road to the little shop for his morning paper. No delivery here. 10 minutes later he was home, completely drenched. I'm glad he had dry clothes to change into. We don't flood here but there was so much rain the lawn was covered in inches of water.

A few weeks ago I adjusted my weight loss goals to match reality. It had become obvious I was only averaging 0.5 kg or 1 pound weight loss each week. I know I can do better than this but with all the comings and goings and never knowing for certain how much time I need to spend at Mum's I decided to settle for what is. It's working for me. The weight loss is slower than I wanted but I'm not stressing and at this morning's weigh-in I saw that I am exactly on target. This means I can expect to take two full years or another 18 months, to reach my goal but that's so much better than struggling to meet tough goals every week. I think I've finally found a sustainable and sure way to lose weight. Now I need to work toward getting my walking program up and running. (Not meant to be a pun).

Talking of goals. Some years ago I decided a fun goal would be to wear my wedding dress once more. I never dreamed I'd still be working toward the same goal all these years later.
During the summer holidays of 2007 I was shocked into facing the truth about my attitude to my body. A niece was on holiday and for some reason Jay, our daughter, and Ella opened up the case my dress was stored in. Ella tried it on and couldn't do it up down the back. Recently I spoke to her and she told me it wasn't just too tight at the waist-line but the sleeves were too tight also. This young woman has been a body builder and continues to keep herself fit. I think of her as being quite small, much smaller than ever I was.

It hit me hard that when I got married I was at least as slim as Ella. I can't remember a time when I didn't think of myself as overweight. This became a self fulfilling prophecy as I eventually became overweight and later obese. It is hard for me to believe I was smaller than Ella when we married. I still plan to try on my wedding dress when I reach an appropriate weight but, just maybe, it won't fit. I'm old and my body shape has lost it's youth. No kidding. Even when I lose a bunch of weight there will be saggy skin to get in the way and I did wear a Merry Widow which gave me a lovely shape. Currently I have fat old lady's arms that look as though they will defy the most rigorous weight lifting routine. I found my photo album, and here's what I once looked like. Not exactly hot but not bad either.

I wish I could tell all young women how beautiful they are and how precious their bodies are. I wish I could tell them to discover who they are while young. The longer you leave it the harder it is and you have so many regrets. I feel so sad that I never appreciated what I had because I never believed I was slim or pretty.

Mothers there is one thing you can do to help your daughters avoid the same misconception. Encourage Dad's to let their daughters know they are beautiful. Girls who grow up secure in the knowledge of their Father's love and appreciation of who they really are have confidence in themselves that over-rides the negatives life throws at them.


Kate said...

dont give up on your goals just yet margieanne (i.e. the wedding dress). im sure you will find a way to get into it :) keep your chin up, keep going. xo

Hippygal said...

Slow and steady always seems to win the race.... and you never know just one day that wedding dress just may fit again :-)