Wednesday, 7 April 2010


As I woke this morning I began to have random thoughts about wrinkles. I guess I looked too closely at a recent photo and was shocked to see my neck and face wrinkles. They are increasing exponentially. I don't normally notice because I have failing eyesight. *joke* Failing eyesight is a blessing. Either failing eyesight or a mental block. I think I have blocked out the fact that my body is really aging. Who wants to know that they will never have youthful, smooth skin again?

Not so pretty. Showing off some of my battle scars
Wrinkles don't really upset me until I look closely. The extent of wrinkly skin does mean that I've left this final determined effort to lose weight far too late. I was always going to have some issues around loose skin but I'm beginning to see how big it is going to be. Twenty years ago, or even 15, I would not have this issue because although overweight I was not as seriously so as now. I guess a whole lot of things collided, middle age spread, stress eating, more stress eating and reduced physical activity. I'm not crying about it, I do feel a little sad. Even 10 years ago my skin had more elasticity than now. Warning to younger readers - Get on top of your eating disorder early in life. Don't deny it is there. Get help if you need to. See a counsellor, read other people's Blogs. See how they have dealt with their weight problems and the causes. Don't make excuses. Life will pass you by if you procrastinate forever

Life is for living and we are designed to be adventurous, have fun, play as well as do the serious stuff like earn our food and shelter. To get the best out of life we need to be as healthy as we can be and this means being a healthy weight and physically fit. To be overweight is a handicap. It makes some things more difficult to do. It makes people look at us a different way, not always with pleasure or kindness. It does nothing for our emotional and spiritual well being. We have to work harder at many things that normal weight people take for granted.

I'm not interested in all the 'rubbish' by the folk who try to make themselves and others believe that being fat is not a problem. Of course fat people can enjoy life and have fun, live reasonably fulfilling lives and think they are happy. To be quite honest I don't buy their philosophy. Overweight is not healthy. It is not how our bodies are designed to be. We have a wonderful bone and muscle structure. We have an intricate, precisely designed internal system to keep us in good health. We have a brain that is able to reason and great intelligence, sometimes I do wonder about the intelligence bit. Joking aside, we have these magnificent bodies that God is so pleased about he calls mine, and yours, a Temple. Oh how we have dishonoured and messed around with it.

If blondes have more fun then I know that slim people have more real fun than those of us who are overweight. Since the reality is I am obese, very fat, I do try to make the most of what I am right now. I live in the now, not in a fantasy of what might be or what will be. At the same time it is not fun to stay in my fat body. I don't want to end my life in a fat body, limited by what it can do. For that reason I am working toward slimmness and better health and physical fitness. I may not have too many years left to enjoy being in a slim body again but I am going to keep working toward that goal as long as I am able. I would never kid myself that it is OK to be fat. I might want to give up the quest for improved health etc from time to time, but it is no longer an option. My days are numbered and it is up to me how I spend them. I have no intention of ending up in a wheel chair because I gave up getting healthier. I've seen the discomfort and limitations of life in a wheelchair. It's not fun. Those who have no choice, no matter how well they have adjusted mentally to their disability would love to be free. I have a choice.

In some ways there is a sense of disrespect toward all disabled people when we do not make the most of our freedom. I intend to honour what I have and use it, treating it to the very best I am able. My body is a precious vessel, not to be treated like a garbage can, not to be tossed aside as irrelevant. Not to be treated with disdain or worse lied about to give me false comfort.

I'm not sure why I wanted to put these thoughts together but they are there, always lingering in my head. In writing this I think I have answered what I would like to have said to myself 10 and 15 years ago.

What’s something you’d love to say to your younger selves of 2, 5, 10, and 15 years ago? (Doesn’t necessarily have to be the same thing each time.)

This is not what I intended to answer but it has more truth and impact than the direction I had planned.

April 2010 and 1995, Ten and Fifteen years ago.

"Do all in your power to bring your weight into normal range without delay. If there are issues around food, eating disorder, stress eating, seek answers, get help if need be. Set yourself an exercise routine that is do-able under all circumstances and never give up. If for any reason something happens to throw your exercise or healthy eating plan into recess, do not let time slide by. Get back into your healthy lifestyle as quickly as you can. At all times and through all circumstances remember you are a spiritual being, that God has the power to see you through.

When the going gets tough do it to the best you can and pray. When it's easy, do it to the best you can and pray. Don't let the excuses become reasons in your mind. You can overcome all the difficulties that come your way. You will be stronger in every way if you persist through the difficult. When it seems too hard, when you think it is impossible persist and grow strong. Never forget, Nothing is impossible with God. Live by it."
This is my truth and stands today.

I didn't listen to my wise self all those years ago. Now I have no choice because I am losing my quality of life and it will continue to get worse if I don't make the change permanent.

Renewed and ready to live once more
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