The gate is open
Entrance to the garden at Precious Moments, Carthage, Missouri
I've done a little soul searching this last week. I am finally accepting that this is forever. Dates are no longer important except that they give reference points. This was quite a difficult place to come to. I am so close to my 71st birthday and I so want to be at my healthy weight as soon as possible.
It might take me 12 months but it's far more likely to take me more than 2 years. Once I would have freaked out to think I could be locked into this weight loss thing for 2 + years before I could safely live in maintenance mode. Imagine still doing this weight loss thing when I'm 73 or 74 or 84 or 97 years old. Today it simply doesn't matter.
What does matter is that I do it now and keep on doing it until the day I die.
What does matter is that this is a healthy sustainable lifestyle.
What does matter is the lifestyle. The numbers on the scale are still important to me but again they are nothing more than reference points. For some time to come they will reflect how healthy my lifestyle is. They will reflect improvement in my general health.
I've watched many people come and go, some having reached their target weight and learned to maintain a healthy lifestyle. All this time I've been like the hare. Rushing on and dropping out with exhaustion. Worse, I almost always found myself sliding back to the start line. And the start line seemed to keep getting further away from my target. This has happened over and over again. I'm learning about the saying, "nothing changes unless you change what you are doing." In my case it is, 'nothing changes until I change the way I think!'
It has been getting harder and harder to re-start, to get motivation. I am loosing my OOOMPH! Fast bursts no longer work because I can't get up and run anymore. I'm tired of doing that. I was at risk of giving up all together.
Slowly I think I am accepting a healthier way. It seems a little weird writing this. I always knew the 'healthy way' but somehow didn't believe I had to do this the 'healthy way.'
I'm not going to rocket past anyone. Sometimes I will have a great loss over a 1 week period others none at all. I can accept the nones, even the small gains because this is a forever thing and the general trend will be in the right direction.
Lately I've been thinking about some women I know who were old and fat when I was 50ish, overweight and very active. I have one woman in mind who waddled around, active in church and community affairs. Always baking, always busy, always kind to others. She was an admirable woman and I watched her waddle and wondered how she functioned when her whole body must have been exhausted carrying around too much fat. I looked at her swollen legs and I heard she had many health problems. She is still going, (how well I'm not sure), although she must be 10 or 15 years older than me. I am confused. She should be dead. And then I think of all the years she has carried round the extra fat and been uncomfortable with it and looked uncomfortable. Should I live so long, do I want to carry all this fat? Do I want to live struggling in and out of cars? Do I want to live waddling along the street, barely able to get around the SuperMarket for my groceries? Do I want to be in the Dr's rooms too often? It's great to be kind and Community minded but wouldn't it be better to also be comfortable in my body. To be able to move freely, not weighed down by fat and swollen legs, to dance my way through the remainder of my years.
It's never too late to change. It's never to late to improve one's health. It's never too late to lose weight. It's never too late to change the way you think.
I've been thinking about the 'stuff' that happens as we go through life. Sometimes it is just too painful to bear and we want out. I can remember saying many times, 'Stop the world, I want to get off.' Those are the times I've piled on extra fat. A silent way of killing myself? .... I think so! This is worthy of greater exploration than I'm willing to give it today.
Life always throws a curve ball now and then. Sometimes they come in a row. When that happens I want to be able to look at the last 6 months and see the progress and be cheered on by what I have achieved even if it is a much smaller loss than I had in my head. I don't want to slide down the slippery slope back past the start line because I hurt, my heart is broken, my spirit wounded. I want to be secure in my sustainable healthy lifestyle.
I've still got a way to go to reach the first major milestone, the one the health gurus say is very significant. - 10% of body weight gone. But I'm halfway there already this year. Progress is being made and that makes me successful.
I do hope this helps someone else come closer to the 'forever' aspect of healthy living through weight loss. Reading other people's Blogs can be a time waster but this time I have taken on board one of the life's most valuable lessons.