Every-time I go into this recovery phase I wonder why I allowed myself to slip. It takes so much energy to pick myself up and get things running smoothly again. It's even harder when the episode of back-sliding comes too quickly after the last pick-up. I haven't been consistent over a decent period for so long that a run of 4 days is victory and I'm not asking too much of myself. It's simply that I don't feel terribly motivated. My intelligent self, (Yes, I do have one), keeps reminding me that it's possible to lose all the extra fat and be healthy and fit even at my age. My lazy self couldn't care less and just wants the way of least resistance. Sadly that way does not make me happy. It does not make me comfortable and it is exceedingly unhealthy. It's a no-brainer. Live better and enjoy life.
I know that so why can't I be consistent?
I've asked these questions too many times. I've waged war against myself, written long, angst ridden, wordy treatises, brought myself to tears, berated self, searched inside and out for answers and I'm still fat. The time for self searching and awareness is over. I'm fat and unfit. I'm 70 years old and nothing much has changed in my behaviour because I spend too much time in anguish and not enough doing.
There are a million answers as to why I've allowed myself to get like this but knowing the whys doesn't change the facts. It's fascinating reading others Blogs because there are so many similarities among those of us with the need to get slimmer and fitter. At the same time each of us has a uniqueness. No two are the same and each of us must come to terms with what is and how we deal with it for ourselves. This is something that no-one else can do for us. We must do it for ourselves.
The interesting thing is that most of us are fairly independent characters. We love challenges. We are strong, brave, funny, loving people. We have all the characteristics of well rounded people but we do have a weakness for food, especially if it is 'comfort' food. That's the stuff that fills the hole and gives us an instant buzz. The stuff that titillates the eye and makes our taste buds cry for more. The stuff that drowns the pain, damps down the emotions and turns us into a Zombie. The stuff that upsets our gut and has our bodies crying out in pain. I think we're all a little mad but have you noticed that the world is full of mad people. We who eat in our madness are quite normal we just choose a 'safe' poison.
Who would have thought that there would be a time in history when people poisoned themselves with food? One of the essentials to life, we have turned food into a health hazard.
On that mad note I'm going to get on with my day as best I can.