What is it about having to go to my Mum's house that does me in?
I wish I knew. Yesterday was not a difficult day although I did get tired. First we shopped and went to Subway for lunch because it was that time of day. I managed OK except I've been on a bread fast for a few days and their salads don't appeal so I had a 6" sub and enjoyed it. I had diet soda ... not a good choice but I'm almost caffeine free so better than Coke.
All OK until I got Mum's afternoon tea. Then I ate 4 of her biscuits/cookies. We had a relaxing afternoon visiting. I think I hadn't seen her for a week so was nice and no extra little jobs as her helper had been in earlier.
Then we went grocery shopping before coming home. I was tired .... after 5 pm, a little hungry, a lot sugar deprived. We got through our shopping just but I bought a store pizza for tea and some roasted, salted nuts to eat in the car. It was nearly 7.30 pm before we ate. I craved another fizzy drink. Aren't they essential to the pizza experience! Instead I ate some diet jelly. I made a huge soft white bread sandwich loaded with butter, raisins and almonds. I think I stopped eating after that. I didn't drink anywhere enough.
It doesn't end there because I didn't go to sleep till 2 am. Of course I woke up tired and instead of my healthy smoothie, (low fat, very low sugar, low carb), for breakfast I've eaten 2 slices of Vogel, whole grain bread, with loads of butter and marmite. The marmite bit was about the only healthy part, for me. So I've set all my cravings raging and I am now on my way to Mum's again with no proper plans for healthy eating for the rest of the day.
I know my inability to handle going to Mum's is the reason for my not getting this weight-loss thing working consistently for the last couple of years. What I don't know is how to sort myself out so it does. I should be able to look on this time as similar to any kind of job and plan accordingly but I don't seem able to. UGH!
I feel as though there is something radically wrong with me because I cannot manage this phase of my life. The horror of it is that should Mum continue to live for years, and at present that seems more than possible, instead of being thankful I am becoming more than resentful because of what I see happening to me.
If I have any self-plea to God right now it is, "Please get me out of this ridiculous mess." Even my walk with God is a shambles. I need a miraculous change.