Sunday, May 17, 2009
SUNRISE - HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING
I wrote the following in a comment on Honi's Blog.
45 years of being concerned with your weight is not too bad. Think of me, still struggling on the eve of my 70th birthday and I will not quit as long as I have breath .... although I've been tempted to a few times. My weight has been a major concern for me for over 50 years, even when I was not really overweight so it was all about self image and self appreciation in those early years.
I don't want to discourage anyone here, but for me to be in a healthy weight range has become a battle and I don't expect it to end while I draw breath. For some people that is our reality. Even at goal weight I will need to continue to be vigilant. That could be depressing but I know many people at healthy weight who have never had health/weight issues because they have always been realistic about the relationship between food, exercise and weight. You don't have to be neurotic to be vigilant. Which is what I once thought.
I thought I'd record the idea of being vigilant for life here because it is not something I, for one, want to be committed to. That is probably the main reason I have never been successful in managing to maintain a healthy weight. I would love to be able to just eat and drink without need to be aware of how many calories I am feeding my body compared with energy spent. That for me is a fantasy and I am trying to live reality.
Fantasy is wonderful ..... financial debts get paid off in quick order, fat vanishes, fitness happens, illness is never serious, I am suddenly so healthy I no longer require any medication, the sun always shines and the temperature is always comfortable and pigs fly.
I am vigilant in caring for myself to avoid colds or flu. If I do succumb I get into treating the symptoms as quickly as possible to mitigate them and get me back into normal life as quickly as possible. This has been the case over the last few days. I've taken a remedy that dries up the yukkiness, I've upped the vitamin C and other helpful vitamins and I've rested. Thankfully I am almost feeling normal tonight despite a nasty, chesty cough which I'm working on.
To be vigilant regarding the balance between what we eat and our exercise is healthy ..... Not Neurotic. I do see some people go through phases of extremes but as long as they are only temporary while they learn new skills then they add up to an overall healthy vigilance.
In my 'all or nothing' mind I have equated so much with obsession and been afraid of becoming obsessive about weight loss that I've dropped the ball at critical points. Self-Sabotage is quite possibly my greatest weakness.
I am not far away from my 5% goal at WW. Now I do not consider this very significant but at our meeting the leader is faithful in not overlooking these milestones. I cringe at the thought that she will call my name out at this coming meeting or the next. I can already feel a tug to avoid this happening. To me this achievement highlights all my failures and I would rather gloss over it and keep plodding on. I think I can avoid this by talking to our leader. I hope so, as I don't want any recognition before I've lost more than 10 kg/22lbs, preferably waiting until I've reached my 10% goal. I know there is a bookmark for the '5 kg lost' stars and I guess I want it but I would like to be given it discreetly.
Sometimes I see WW as being obsessive rather than healthy .... I can see some really crazy thought patterns here. Weight loss and building up my fitness only happens when I work at it. Usually I have kept daily action sheets, or trackers, and recorded weight and equivalent steps on a daily graph. Somehow that seems too cumbersome this time round so I've used a couple of tickers & the sidebar on this Blog. Since I usually am on the internet everyday it only takes a moment or two to keep them up to date as appropriate.
I'm not pleased that I've lost the last few days and now I have to work hard to get back on track. I haven't dared weigh myself to assess the damage. It should be fine enough to walk tomorrow and I am ready to begin the day with a smoothie instead of porridge, (rolled oats), with sugar and milk.
Today I turned my laptop on again and I've caught up with quite a lot of reading, Other people's Blogs are helpful in getting me back in the weight loss zone, so inspiring. There are so many brave people willing to share their successes and struggles. I don't understand how reading them helps me to get a healthy focus on life again but it does.