Sunday, 31 May 2009


Today my thoughts have been far away ... see the end of this post.

I've just been reading all my Google Reader friends. I began leaving an extended comment for Kim when I realised I was writing for myself. Then I lost it in the process of cutting & pasting. I love it when that happens .... not. My words were so wise and I cannot put it together quite that well again but I'll give it a go because I need to tell myself these things.

When my children were young I went down with ME, (Myalgic encephalamylitis .... or something like that which meant the brain, muscles and nervous system were involved), or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I never became totally bedridden ... how could I with 4 children and the youngest a baby? I had to find ways for the children to help me. When the task was too big for them, and me too, I would break it down. For instance when it came to tidying their rooms I would sit in the room with the child in question and get him to put away all the things in a small corner, then the next 10 small things, or the next small area of about a yard/metre square and so on until the floor was clear and all things back in their proper place. An aside here .... you'd think such training would have helped to make them tidy but sadly not so! I was thinking about this in relation to the sometimes overwhelming task of becoming fitter, healthier person and learning to live that way. Cammy realised this and has been practicing it for quite a while.

The thing is it doesn't matter how long it takes to change as long as you start at a level where you can continue and sustain momentum. Now I have always had a problem with time. It is very hard for me to accept that if I make small but permanent and sustainable changes for the better I will be healthier in 6 months time. Simple! Intellectually I know this but the emotional side of me has never accepted that the best things take time. A perfect example takes me back to my youth when I failed to choose my deeply desired career path because I wanted the training period to be as short as possible. I made so many mistakes and missed out on fulfilling my career hopes and desires because I wanted instant results. That's all water under the bridge but revealed some very flawed thought processes. I have to confess I have not matured in this. I want instant gratification. I want to instantly, or miraculously be at my ideal weight again. I want a solution that brings fast results .... never mind whether it is the healthiest way or whether it is sustainable long term.

Today my excuse is I am too old to waste time so I must lose around 40 kg/88lbs in less than a year. I mean I could give the Biggest Loser a run for their money. So why have I been stuck at roughly he same weight for 6 months? Because my thinking and planning is flawed.

It is too easy for me to lose weight. It is too hard for me to keep that weight off forever.


It is barely conceived. Even I don't know what it is right now.

Me left a comment on my previous post about eating all the healthy food in my fridge. That's as good a place as any to begin with. I will no longer bust a gut trying to reach the moon and failing.

Only 2 weeks and 1 night and we will be in full flight.

Before I go to bed I must add a note. If you are a praying person please think of Jay & Os and his family in Turkey. This morning Jay sent us a message that Os's mother had just died. It was the middle of the night and Jay had done CPR but his Mum didn't respond. What a devastating experience. We are all so grateful that they were with Os's parents and not here in N.Z. Os would have had 3 days with his Mum who has a history of heart problems but was in a well phase. I want to hug, cuddle and comfort my daughter and her partner but they are too far away.
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