Tuesday, 28 April 2009


I began this blog on March 16th 2008. I missed my first birthday.

This will be the 109th published post. That is an average of slightly more than twice a week. Not too bad. I have a few unpublished posts, some that are too personal or where I have vented beyond the normal and others with subjects still to be pondered. While this is mainly to help me in my weight loss, (big joke at present), it has been a place to meet like minded people on a similar journey to better health, people who I would never make contact in my normal daily life, (for various reasons including geographic), and a place to indulge my attempts to write for a public no matter how small. It is also a place where I can indulge my tendency to give advice and especially encouragement as the mood or conscience dictates.

I have discovered a world of love and real people, been stimulated by different lifestyles and interests, discovered beauty of soul, beauty of life and beauty of our planet in so many photos or descriptions. I have my work cut out just to keep up with what I have here, (in cyber space), without getting involved in spacebook or other places. There is just so much 'out there' of interest but not enough time in any day to indulge as much as I could. It has been a privilege to journey through some dark and hard places with you and it has been wonderful to share in your high moments.

Right now I'm thinking about opening another blog for my creative writing. I'd love to publish in book form but don't think I have enough stuff or courage to go through with the drama of doing that. But I can publish on line and have an audience ..... maybe. The confidence to do so comes from reading and getting to know a little about so many amazing people. .... you that is.

In the meantime I have discovered a not very healthy pattern has developed, the result of trying to do too many things with my life. Something needs to change so we can have a healthy lifestyle again but I cannot see this happening in the short term.

Our holiday in Alaska is not only the incentive to try and become fitter in a very short space of time but is probably the only thing that keeps me from breaking down completely. Each day I know we are one day closer to our escape. We could do with more than 33 days away but that's what we have and I'm very thankful.

The pattern emerging is.

Monday ..... recovery from the last 4-5 days of work and caring for Mum.

Tuesday ..... resolve rises and most weeks I eat well and even do some exercise.

Wednesday ...... hanging in there .... maybe ....as I go to Mum's if needed and TWJ goes to work.

Thursday ....... still trying to hang in there as we care for Mum during the day and work the 4-8 shift.

Friday ...... leave TWJ to the housework and some peace while I go to Mum's and work 4-8 pm. Maybe an OK day but usually I've lost the plot especially when I get home at 8.45 pm and I haven't eaten well during the day.

Saturday ..... Leave home early as TWJ starts work 9 am, sometimes care for Mum, as I do this coming weekend. Work 4-5 pm. Struggling, maybe losing the plot completely. Panic begins to set in.

Sunday ...... Totally lost the plot. Sometimes leaving home early to be with Mum and working 4-8 pm.

I need Monday and Tuesday completely clear. I try to make sure that all other activities such as medical appointments are on the days we work. But sometimes we are needed at Mum's on those days. Those are the only days we have to visit with friends or go to Rotorua to visit our son there .... no wonder it doesn't happen often, or like today, go to our accountant in Thames which involves most of the day out as it is nearly 90 minutes drive each way. So we turn it into a 'holiday' but it's not the same as a day at home. Our bodies are weary and we are struggling to keep it together. TWJ does better than me but then he too is suffering, from increasing aches and pains, probably arthritic. I don't sleep as well as I should, my back still aches and stiffens up although technically I am almost healed.

I am finding myself getting really cranky about going to Mum's. All I do there is make her bed, take her cups of tea, get her lunch and sometime dinner and do her shopping. Sometimes I have enough energy to do some serious dusting or gardening. All the time I am aware that I am not in "My Home."

This week I was at Mum's yesterday although able to come home early afternoon. Today is our trip to Thames and tomorrow we have to be at Mum's by 8 am I think. I could not do this if TWJ was not such wonderful person. He does most of the housework, the finance thing seems to be my responsibility and I do the garden when I get around to it. He does get cranky sometimes and who would wonder! He has put on hold his dream of cruising NZ in our house-bus. He has been willing to put aside his dreams for my mother. I don't think either of us expected this to become such a burden. We are so aware of the years slipping by now that he is heading for 74 years old. His mother and my father died in their early 60s. TWJ's father dies in his 76th year. In the next 12 months something must change so that we can have our own lives back before it is too late.

Only 48 more nights before our flight to San Fransisco. In 7 weeks we will be on USA soil and on our way to pick up our rental car and our motel. The days are flying by and I am have not reached any of my health, weight fitness goals. Somehow I must get myself to have more than one successful day each week.

It's supposed to be very wet today but so far the sun is shining so we might have a very nice day out. I have friends I'd love to visit in Thames but don't think I have the energy for visiting. Depends on what the accountant finds. If we have a reasonable tax refund it might give me a 'high.'
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