Wednesday, August 27, 2008


The Prayer house at Bethel Church, Redding, California.

We had 10 wonderful days in Redding in February, 2006. I so enjoyed going to Bethel Church and meeting some of the folk there. We also had a great time sightseeing. We went to Burney Falls and walked on icey steps, to view the frozen waterfall. We went on the vintage dinner train up Mount Shasta the night after a fresh fall of snow and were delighted by pristine snow with fresh animal tracks here and there. So much to do and see and so little time.

Thinking about time to heal, (posted 18th August), and some comments from friends at SFL. (see sidebar favourite sites).

I know I'm a perfectionist. Not the kind that lives in perfection, everything in order, but the kind that cannot start anything unless I know I'm going to do it well.

This makes me one of the world's great procrastinators.

I know an awful lot about myself but not, it seems, how to break bad habits and lead a healthier life.

Perhaps the key is 'everything in order.' I love to have order in my life but only because I know it gives me freedom to be spontaneous. Freedom & spontaneity are things I value and even crave. If they are taken away I feel imprisoned and of course no-one wants to stay in a prison. I get Prison Fever. Does that have anything to do with not staying on an eating, exercise, weightloss, healthy program long enough to achieve what I want? You bet it does!

One of the reasons I have trouble keeping things in order is the sheer energy it takes. I often think about God looking down upon the earth in the beginning and seeing Chaos. Often my life feels like chaos. I am a chaotic eater. Sometimes doing well other times doing crazy things from fasting to crazy diets. It's in my natural man to be like this yet God created order out of Chaos so I need to find out how this can work for me.

I am happy when the house is in order, when it is clean and tidy, when I have clothes laundered and away in their rightful place, when the kitchen bench is clear of all but what should be there, when my garden is free of weeds, when I get up and get chores done, when I go for long walks and exercise at the gym. But I can be so busy doing that I forget to be .... and then it all falls down like a house of cards.

That can only mean one thing. I've been building my house of order on a sand dune and the rain came & washed it away. Now I'm totally lost. What is the rock, the strong foundation I need? Where do I find it? This so reminds me of something a good friend said and I recognised the truth but not how to change. He said I was always building things, he called them altars, but for whatever reason they would be torn down. Altars are places of worship. I still don't understand how I can do things differently. How can I build on the right foundation? Am I still building altars to false Gods?

The answer has to lie in God but how? where? why? when? This has turned into a spiritual exercise and I need to dig deep into my knowledge of Jesus saving power. Will I find what I'm looking for? I'm so full of questions with no answers that click for me. I'll be totally bogged down if I don't move on from this but I'll keep it in mind as I go about life today.


Felicia said...

My Grandparents lived in Redding for gosh 30 years. I remember almost nothing about the area other then the neighborhood they lived in lol. Sad considering I lived down there for a year after high school. Old brain I guess. Best memory was the fruit trees- yummy and going to the lake at Mount Shasta and camping there!!

Have a great day!!


Mama Bear June said...

I think we falter when we neglect time with God and in His Word. That's what I realize when my life seems to spin out of control. Praying that He will show you the path you are to take.
Path to Health

kate said...

i can definately relate margieanne in terms of the housework being done, the lawns being done, everything in its place. i think that when something such as 'change' happens i dont have the tools to cope with it. and was even thinking that a lot of my issues stem back to other events in my life that i havent got over yet. i think the key is that i need to deal with the things in the past so i can look forward to the future.

kimmy said...

hun take 1 question at a time find the answer your looking for and move on
im positive you'll find your answers you just need to take 1 step at a time
i hope that helps

Dottie said...

thank you for stopping by. I haven't blogged in so long, I wasn't sure if anyone was checking in. Thank You! Have a wonderful day!

Scale Junkie said...

Beautiful pictures! A firm foundation is the key to any long term success. You're on the right path.

JC said...

Scriptures say (I don't know where) when you seek for Him with all your heart you will find him. Recently, He gave me a lesson straight from nature because I was drifting in my attention to reading and studying His word. He hasn't gone anywhere and He still has the answers you can't find from anyone else. Grace and blessings to you.