Wednesday, August 27, 2008
BUILDING ON A FIRM FOUNDATION
The Prayer house at Bethel Church, Redding, California.
We had 10 wonderful days in Redding in February, 2006. I so enjoyed going to Bethel Church and meeting some of the folk there. We also had a great time sightseeing. We went to Burney Falls and walked on icey steps, to view the frozen waterfall. We went on the vintage dinner train up Mount Shasta the night after a fresh fall of snow and were delighted by pristine snow with fresh animal tracks here and there. So much to do and see and so little time.
Thinking about time to heal, (posted 18th August), and some comments from friends at SFL. (see sidebar favourite sites).
I know I'm a perfectionist. Not the kind that lives in perfection, everything in order, but the kind that cannot start anything unless I know I'm going to do it well.
This makes me one of the world's great procrastinators.
I know an awful lot about myself but not, it seems, how to break bad habits and lead a healthier life.
Perhaps the key is 'everything in order.' I love to have order in my life but only because I know it gives me freedom to be spontaneous. Freedom & spontaneity are things I value and even crave. If they are taken away I feel imprisoned and of course no-one wants to stay in a prison. I get Prison Fever. Does that have anything to do with not staying on an eating, exercise, weightloss, healthy program long enough to achieve what I want? You bet it does!
One of the reasons I have trouble keeping things in order is the sheer energy it takes. I often think about God looking down upon the earth in the beginning and seeing Chaos. Often my life feels like chaos. I am a chaotic eater. Sometimes doing well other times doing crazy things from fasting to crazy diets. It's in my natural man to be like this yet God created order out of Chaos so I need to find out how this can work for me.
I am happy when the house is in order, when it is clean and tidy, when I have clothes laundered and away in their rightful place, when the kitchen bench is clear of all but what should be there, when my garden is free of weeds, when I get up and get chores done, when I go for long walks and exercise at the gym. But I can be so busy doing that I forget to be .... and then it all falls down like a house of cards.
That can only mean one thing. I've been building my house of order on a sand dune and the rain came & washed it away. Now I'm totally lost. What is the rock, the strong foundation I need? Where do I find it? This so reminds me of something a good friend said and I recognised the truth but not how to change. He said I was always building things, he called them altars, but for whatever reason they would be torn down. Altars are places of worship. I still don't understand how I can do things differently. How can I build on the right foundation? Am I still building altars to false Gods?
The answer has to lie in God but how? where? why? when? This has turned into a spiritual exercise and I need to dig deep into my knowledge of Jesus saving power. Will I find what I'm looking for? I'm so full of questions with no answers that click for me. I'll be totally bogged down if I don't move on from this but I'll keep it in mind as I go about life today.