Friday, August 29, 2008


I saw this heading on Spark People today and immediately jumped into these thoughts .....which incidentally have only a smidgeon of stuff connected to the original.

Boldly going where I've never gone before.

That's what this weight-loss thing is all about. Oh I've lost weight before, I've done the program successfully before but I've never lived a day from where I am right now before. Funny how something clicks. The old cliches .... New every morning, Today is the beginning of my life, the past is done & dusted, the future is 'who knows? today is for living and so they go on in various forms but this heading caught me up. It may not mean anything to anyone else but for me it imparts strength.

I keep thinking that because I've only been really overweight/obese for the last 15 years .... don't laugh, that's less than 1/3rd of my life, that being the best weight I can be is what I am comfortable with. That there was no pay off being overweight, that it came about because I over-eat fattening foods and don't exercise enough. I'm not talking here about the fact that I've had weight issues as long as I can remember, thinking I was very overweight when I was in normal range.

I was radically saved by Jesus in February, 1974. Guess what my first thought was. My weight/overeating problems will be over. Ha! The reality is very different.

I've had so much 'inner healing,' found I can love myself and so much more. I'm quite relaxed about knowing there is much more to discover.

But suddenly I am seeing a new adventure and I am recognising fear.

I am going boldly where I've never gone before.

Never before have I had to adjust to life as my body loses weight. I've never had to adjust to the changes in my body as it loses weight and that does kind of freak me out a little. What am I going to do as my skin gets baggy? That was a serious question 8 years ago and I still haven't got past it. This is a fear that could be responsible for sabotaging myself at least twice when I had loose skin on my belly. I'm more or less comfortable in my skin as it is. I'm 69 and the elasticity of youth has gone forever. I am post menopausal ... what shape will I be. Will I have the thickened waistline and saggy belly of many slim, older women. I know I'll have a belly flap. Will control panties be enough? I've tried to ignore the questions. I've glossed over them with self talk like the following .... I am on a weight-loss program for my health and general comfort. It's no fun being stiff with age let alone with fat and unfitness as well. The pain of overloaded joints etc. etc.

So I am losing weight for my physical health and that means I will look better in my clothes. Of course I try to be religious about it too and remind myself that it is not honouring God to carry so much fat, the evidence of my unhealthy/ungodly eating, on this wonderful body He has given me.

Forget the 'good' reasons for which I am losing weight and get back to the nitty-gritty of it. I want to look good. Short plastic surgery, (not an option I will consider), it is really a bit late, but I still want to look as good as I can. Clothes will hide a lot of the irreparable damage.

I am boldly going where I've never gone before. Aint that the truth.

I'm not on a journey back to somewhere I've been before where there are many familiar things and no strangeness. I am going to a brand new place. That's both exciting .... the adventurous side of me loves that, and scary ..... the part of me that likes order and security is so afraid.

None the less ..... I am going Boldly where I've never been before.

Have I found the answer I was seeking a few days ago? Quite possibly. Only as I lose weight will I know and surely I will discover more things along the way.


kate said...

i have a belly flap too margieanne :( and im 23! lol. its embarrassing.

JM said...

"Going where I've never gone before" is a big part of my journey as well. I don't clearly recall a time when I wasn't overweight, even before puberty, so it will certainly be fun and interesting to see what it's like when I reach my goals!

JM @ FinallyGettingFit.com