Sunday, 22 June 2008
2 WONDERFUL DAYS BUT I'M OUT OF MY WEIGHT-LOSS PATTERN
I have no idea how this photo came to be on my laptop but it has been my screensaver from the day we set up. Be warned there is a lot of God stuff about today. I am questioning my priorities.
I eventually got to the River Day at Hikuai, a 1 hour drive down the road. It begins at 9 am and is like a women's day of retreat in the Manifest Presence of God. We experience His glorious presence, sometimes we see signs & wonders, healings and miracles. There are encouraging testimonies, great teaching, preaching from the Word and fabulous worship. We women have an amazing time of fellowship in the Holy Ghost for 6 hours or more. Signs & wonders ... I will never forget the day Yvonne showed us her hands ... dripping with oil which she shared among us, touching our hands, leaving a residue of Holy Oil. Yvonne has a strong, child-like faith. She delights in the Lord.
I missed the worship, arriving in time to hear the speaker. Later I learned about the instant healing of Helen who said her knees would not bend, but never-the-less got down to kneel and her knees were healed right then. I was sad to miss the worship, lead by my friend with a beautiful voice and heart and her guitar. 3 hours of singing and prohetic encouragement and healings. Some of us also dance, moving with the rhythm and even acting out the words of the song. I love to do that. Music is a body experience for me which is just as well because my voice is not much. I arrived not long before the speaker began, Joan, (one of the first Aglow members in NZ), began with a timely, strong prophetic message about honouring our parents. "Honour your father and mother. Then you will live a long full life in the land the Lord your God will give you." Exodus 20:12 Interesting blessings come as we obey this commandment whether or not our parents deserve the honour. It was provoking, and encouraging as well as causing each of us to check through our own willingness to honour parents, leaders and others. Of course it was the perfect message to give us an opportunity to honour the woman who instigated these River Days back in the mid '90s. Julie had recently turned 70 so we had a birthday party which seemed like the perfect coompletion of our day.
Except my day didn't end there. I took another friend back to her Rest Home where we had a lovely chat. She is now incapacitated and has a needy daughter who at 50yrs muddles through life with a mental disorder. I asked her how she coped with the pain of not being able to be any physical help to her daughter now. You see we have a similar problem. TWJ & I are growing older and we have an almost 40 year old son who is a paraplegic and has mental problems. We are unable to do much for him and although he is able to look after himself is not very good at it. We comforted each other and agreed we have no-one but God and our comfort is in remembering they are God's children and His promise to them and us, is that He will never forsake them. Sometimes that is cold comfort when I see the way G lives. I try not to dwell on the negatives. It is too painful.
I had warned Mum & TWJ I would be latish home so was able to have tea at Julie's with more delightful fellowship. Julie is married to Murray, Pastor of the Pauanui Christian Fellowship, (I still call this my 'Home Church') and they had dear old friends staying, a couple, who had come from Tauranga specially for River Day. We had a laughter filled tea with little so-called friendly food for me but I wasn't caring about food and ate lightly. Then to cap it off we watched a video of a recent Revival meeting at Lakewood, Florida. Murray had downloaded it from the website. If you've never heard of Todd Bentley or seen him before he is a bit of a surprise. His arms are covered in tattoos, which probably cover his body too. But he is a radical lover of God the Father, believes every word of the Bible and believes that we are to be like Jesus in the world today. He takes literally the word from the Lord's prayer .... let it be on earth as it is in heaven .... and that loads of joy, the Manifest Presence of God and no sickness are for us today. I love that man for his non-religious manners. He is so "normal" but so immersed in God he lives a supernatural life. I think we are all meant to be like that. We have put God into our own 'boxes.' Boxes we can undersand, forgetting that God is soooooo big we cannot begin to imagine what he is really like. I like people who have a BIG GOD!
You would think after all that wonder I would have no problems staying on track, but ..... I got home about 10.30 pm so it was a long day. The drive home had been demanding with wet, winding hill roads, some patchy fog, poor visibility etc and I was so wired it took me hours and much snacking to wind down and go to bed.
Yesterday I was somewhat tired, eating out of routine without care for what I put in my mouth, and spent most of it with Mum talking and thinking about kittens and looking again at breeders and pictures. This is becoming a slow process.
We either seem to just miss out on our desired ones or find that we have to wait a few more weeks for them to be old enough to go to their new homes.
The best breeders keep the kittens until they are 12 weeks old, are vaccinated, and neutered or speyed. This is the last lot of kittens until spring so I hope we decide soon.
We are spending at least $1200 on the 2 kittens and then there is more expense as we make the home safe for them so it has to be well thought out. It is outrageous to spend so much on pets when a moggy from the SPCA would be just as loving but Mum has her heart set on Ragdolls and I must admit they are best indoor cats ever.
Four hours at work last night and again this afternoon/evening and I am out of my weight-loss routine. I should go to Church this morning but need time to regroup especially as we are full-on for the next week.
I am so stired up in my spirit. I am so hungry for 'More of God.' I so long to be out where people are hurting and telling them how much He really loves them. I so long to be bringing His healing touch into people's lives. There is this burning desire to walk in His Presence and give out His love. I ache with this desire. Sometimes I wonder at the season I am in, but then a friend from church, a brain damaged man, who can sound totally deranged, off this planet, but who loves God even in the middle of his confusion, came and stood beside me last night and dropped this comment. "We are where God places us." Normally he would then ramble on using out of sequence quotes and rambling references until you wonder how much longer you need to listen without being rude. Last night he spoke to me then stood as though he didn't know why he was there or what else to say before ambling off to get something for his tea.
I am where God wants me to be. I am among hurting people, people who don't know God loves them, people who don't have real joy in their lives, people in pain, people who need God. Sometimes I can be really slow. Twice now I have had people come to me when in severe pain. Last night it was a man who had something in his eye, last week it was a young woman with severe toothache, clearly an abscess, and we don't have an emergency clinic, just an 'on call' Dr. who sometimes has long travelling times so unless it is lfe threatening we look after ourselves at weekends and evenings. I missed the moment to ask if I could pray healing but then I don't think either one was ready .... or that's my excuse.
I feel concerned. I know this weight-loss focus is right and healthy for me. Actually weight-loss is only a small part of becoming as healthy as it is possible for me to be. Yet it takes over. I find I need to limit my social activities and even my spiritual, such as going to Church this morning, so I can retain the focus I need to give my body a chance to be healthy. It is like a circle. Balance out sleep, social, health walk, spiritual, social, life in general and all is well. I guess keeping God in the centre is all tha matters and let Him show me how to keep the balls I juggle in balance.
This is my season to focus on getting my body as strong and healthy as can be. There is a season coming when I will not have time to focus on these things and they must be ingrained habit. And a little despairing voice inside of me cries, 'will that ever be possible.' I live by faith and I believe that day will come. God says nothing is impossible with Him. That is my motto, that is my belief and the day will come when I can do all that is required of me without making myself unhealhy by eating badly, or unfit through lack of exercise.
This is my season of restoration.