Tuesday, 1 April 2008


After tea tonight I went across the road to the quilting group. I was the only new person and they were all strangers, not one familiar face. I have always made an effort to get out and meet people but now it is a bit of a challenge for me, fotunately they seem very friendly and not everyone is super experienced thank goodness. It will be stimulating for me to be among so many talented women. I am such a novice and although I have done various crafts all my life I never seem to stick at anything long enough to become expert.
They are making what is called stack & slash blocks. It will be good to learn various techniques etc because I am totally self taught from a couple of magazines. I have come home enthused enough to hunt out some fabric and I am short by 2 x 1/2 yard pieces so I can look next time I am in town for some patterns which hopefully will help pull what I have together. I usually handsew but I might give machine sewing a go, otherwise I will be at it forever and I still have 2 other unstarted projects and my butterfly quilt 1/2 finished. I really must learn to finish things.
It has been quite a long day. This morning met up with niece at Mum's for morning tea for niece's 43rd birthday. Went to dentist this afternoon and had 2 or 3 fillings, one quite large. I'm really pleased with the work this time. But I came out exhausted from lying so tensly in the dental chair. I got away without any injections but have a sore mouth tonight. At least that puts me off eating just a teeny bit.
Today has been an interesting day foodwise. I began with a salad of fresh fruit. Diced apple, skin on, halved grapes, diced honeydew melon and tangerine, (the latter from USA). I had an almost immediate allergic reaction but thought I was imagining it so finished the fruit. Fortunately not serious but I came up in an ugly red rash and felt very tingly which subsided within a couple of hours. There was nothing new in the salad so just put it down to the combination. I didn't eat at morning tea although they had made a decision to not have cake so it was all safe food. For lunch I had a small bunch of grapes then nothing more until dinner and I was hungry so really enjoyed onion. tomato & lean bacon on 2 thin, toasted until crisp, slices of Vogel, (a Swiss style whole grain bread with sunflower & barley seeds). I should have had another serve of fruit but it's time to go to bed and I don't want to eat anything more.
Tomorrow we go over to stay the next 2 nights at Mum's. She is really well at present and will be bossing me around no end. I want to do some gardening for her and she has a cheque all ready for me to buy a stack of plants for winter colour , pansies and spring bulbs.
One of the reasons, in fact the main reason I was unable to continue to lose weight consistently in the 2nd half of last year was this to-ing and fro-ing between here and Mum's and the emergency calls that would leave me recovering from the panic & shock each time. I had coped reasonably well with a family situation in the early part of the year but that was because TWJ & I were able to live our own life in the South Island.
Back home all the pressures around my mother and my siblings and their families came back into play. I love my mother dearly and it is a huge privilege to have her still with us, still sharp in mind and able to keep her in her own home, reasonably fit in spite of serious heart problems. But there is also another side to this in that Mum is a very controlling and bossy person. I have spent all my life, from babyhood if what Mum says is true, resisting her control and being strong in my own spirit. Nothing changes there, except now that she is becoming frail I have chosen not to upset her if I can help it. This means biting my tongue often, and finding ways to destress. I am quite dependent on the antidepressants which saddens me. But I do what I have to do to get through this season of our lives which will come to a close in God's time.
Our daughter, we have 1 daughter and 3 sons, and I have different kind of relationship. Sometimes we are friends, mostly I am not the heavy mother and I think she is the most amazing person. I love her to bits and wish I'd been able to show this more when she was little but I was so busy bringing up my children to be strong individuals that I didn't realise the best thing I could do for them was show them lots of love and cuddle and hug them often. I have huge respect for her abilities and talents. I also appreciate that she has a good relationship with her Dad and I'm very happy to back off and so that this can be as special as it should be. In fact I treasure that she has this relationship with her father. She is a wonderful, sensitive, caring person and it breaks my heart that she never met the man who could give her children before it is too late, She's 41 years old now and her partner doesn't want to marry and she believes children need a stable home. We have shed a few tears over her childlessness and I so pray that one day she will find herself in a situation where she can be Mumma to some children.

Destress strategy. I need to walk more. Meantime I'm off to bed to read a detective story.
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