Wednesday, 23 April 2008


The last week was so crazy that I kind of crashed when I stopped.

I got through the weekend OK, working Sat & Sun late afternoon and going to Church Sunday marning. We came home Sunday evening and I thought I was doing fine. I mooched a bit on Monday and ate badly but yesterday I kept falling asleep. I fell asleep sitting in the chair doing the puzzles in the daily paper, fell asleep reading, my eyes would not stay open so I went to bed in afternoon and slept some more. This morning I have been awake since about 4 am, gave up about 5 am and here I am.

Have not tracked food for several days .... that means I have been drinking coffee, eating bread, dried fruit, butter, crackers, cake, too much cheese and so on. Tiredness will do that. I lose focus and anything goes.

We have this morning to re-organise then we go back to Mum's for the next 3 nights. We work 4-8pm tonight & tomorrow and come home again. Sat will be a long day because cannot stay at Mum's, (other family are using 'our room' for the long weekend). We have to leave home in time for TWJ to be at work before 9am and I will have to spend the day at Mum's until it is time for me to go to work, then we come home again so Sat will be a 12 hour + day for us and Sunday I will miss Church as we don't have to be in town until 1 pm and home again by 9 pm.

It is ANZAC Day on Friday, April 25th. A special day to remember all the people who served our country in wartime. ANZAC stands for Australia and New Zealand Armed Corps. We especially remember the battle of Gallipolli, (Southern Turkey), when our combined forces took a terrible hammering in World War 1 and Crete in WW 2. Now we pay tribute to all armed forces in all the wars we have sent men to including Korea and Vietnam. Today NZ has Peace Keeping Forces in many places including Afghanistan and East Timor. For a small country, less than 5 million people, we seem to do quite a lot. Many people will attend Dawn Parades and there will be many other Mermorial Services during the morning including official laying wreaths on various War Memorials. We will also wear red poppies, purchased from the RSA, (Returned Servicemen's Ass.). The RSA uses the money to help support their charitable work among old soldiers and their families. The Red Poppies symbolise the killing fields of WW 1 which were covered in blood red poppies in spring.

I was born in June 1939, a few months before the outbreak of WW 2. My early memories are a kaliedescope of men in uniform, planes and Dad going on Home Guard Duty. My father was 'manpowered' to run the family farm but we lived near a major airforce-base so being on look-out was serious business. All my uncles served in the army or the Navy and many friends and cousins were in the air-force. TWJ's father and uncles served in various areas of the Army. We did not take the threat to our shores lightly being very aware of our sparcely populated Pacific Nation with a lot of coast-line. While some people remember the Americans in the cities I remember their camps where they were prepared for the assaults on Pacific Islands. A few years ago I visited a Memorial sight and came away very sombre, emotionally drained. So many young men, so many lives given so that we can enjoy the kind of freedom we have today. I cannot imagine what the world would be like had we buckled to the evil forces that were out to destroy our civilisation.

I cannot glorify war but I do know this - evil flourishes when good men do nothing.

According to the beginning of the Bible the world was a chaotic mess when God chose to bring His creative order to bear. I never cease to be amazed by how chaotic this world still is if we do not apply some order. Governments cannot lead and countries fall into anarchy, crime abounds without laws to bring justice, dust and grime and filth accumulate without organised clean-ups.

In smaller ways this applies to our own lives. If we don't pick-up, put away, clean, sort out, discard in a proper way we end up living in a rubbish tip. If we don't bring order to our lives they soon become chaotic and unmanageable. If we don't plan our meals and eat whatever our eyes see we soon become unhealthy.

I have been a chaotic eater for as long as I've been responsible for my own meals. Sometimes I eat well balanced sensible, enjoyable meals for long periods. Other times I have gone on crazy diets. The first one I remember was when I decided to eat nothing except apples until I reached my desired weight. My parents stepped in and nipped this possible anorexic in the bud. The crazy mind-set has never quite left me. As the years have gone by I have learned to stop crazy and dangerous eating patterns by fasting for a couple of days. Thus giving my body a rest and my brain a chance to come to it's senses. Fasting is not something I would recommend to anyone because it is not healthy when part of a crazy, chaotic attitude to food.

Today I have a well researched and effective program designed to lose weight at a healthy rate and maintain, even improve body chemistry. I know how well it works. I know how well I feel. I know the health benefits. I need never feel deprived and my body loves it. Why then when I let myself do what comes naturally do I revert to chaotic and unhealthy patterns?

Many people get upset when 'good' and 'bad' foods are discussed saying that all is good in moderation. But what if one is unable to eat in moderation at all times? What if some foods are so nutritionally poor they act like poison to our bodies? What if I am a food addict and must treat many foods as dangerous to me as any alcoholic finds booze? What if I am seriously overweight and for the sake of my health and hopefully longevity I need to lose a lot of fat?

There are many foods that are bad for me. That's the truth. Many foods that are better avoided.

On the other hand there are many foods that are good for me. Many enhance my well-being, help keep my body running and restore it to proper function. Many foods stimulate the brain to greater activity and less slothfulness.

It really is simple. Eat foods that enhance the function of the body and brain and I will feel better, live better, be nicer to know, and more like the person I want to be. This is true love for self. Taking proper care of what I am. Not being obsessed by this need but recognising that I am doing myself and others a disservice if I do not feed and exercise my body intellegently.

How am I going to eat today? Am I going to give in and continue the chaos of the last few days or am I going to follow my menu? I know all the answers, all the reasons why I need to choose the latter. I have no idea why it is so hard or why I will eat madly if I don't take myself in hand right now. It is such a simple decision yet I can feel myself wandering away from the good choices. Do I not believe this is important? Do I think I can get away with another day ....... or more of bad eating? Am I simply having a battle with #8&%@#* cravings?

Nothing makes it easy so I will just have to do what I must do regardless of how I feel.
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