Saturday, March 29, 2008


Tomorrow is our 45th Wedding Anniversary. TWJ has booked us in for dinner at the local restaurant. He said there was a wedding party booked in as well so we will have company. This is the first time we have been to this restaurant just as a date, the other 2 times was just me with a woman's Comference the other, the wedding one of my niece's and that was all of 3 or is it 4 years ago.

Today I have had the longest bath in history. I took Joanne Harris' book The Lollipop Shoes, sequel to Chocolat, with me and finished off with a good scrub down under the shower after I'd read the whole book in one go! I'm not into reading stuff with occult themes but somehow her books have a style that I like regardless. I had a berry smoothie for breakfast and bathed my way through lunch and have just had 4 corn thins with cottage cheese, celery & a few walnuts chopped in. Full of texture and crunch. I drink mainly flavoured water, ie flavoured tea because I am addicted to coffee and and having a coffee free period, and I dislike tannin and real tea flavours. I found I was getting a bit bored with my usual ginger & lemon or balckcurrant & apple so have been drinking strawberry & mango today. It has not disappointed me.

Back to Joanne Harris and her wonderful descriptions. I'm sure I should end up drooling and sniffing the air, licking my lips and racing for the pantry but not so. I guess the food I have around is so far from her delicious, decadent chocolate that I am not tempted at all. To me it is not very different to reading about a wonderful landscape. A good foodie read or watching the Food Channel hardly ever triggers eating. Am I weird? I love reading about food and sometimes I try recipes with caution because a 'good cook' tests everything and I'm a 'very good cook.' I love testing and one test is never enough even when the stuff does not taste all that great. I will test the burnt cookies until they are all gone because burnt cookies don't count just like broken ones.

45 years married. Well I deserve a prize for endurance, I guess TWJ deserves an even bigger one. I remember the early years when I was so full of love and the joy of life that one spring day a man said to me. 'I can see you've seen the light.' It wasn't true at the time but it shows how happy I was then. It was a lovely spring day, we had been married all of 6 months and I went to the local church for the first time just because I thought it was about time I went. I sang my heart out with the joy of life and the love and happiness in my heart. It was years later that I experienced 'seeing the light' as he meant it.

Then we had children and I became an emotional mess. I never understood what was going on. I had severe PMS, could relate to woman who harmed their children and was a screaming, abusive mother. There were wonderful times of course. Each of our 4 children are dearly loved and wanted but that didn't make me a good mother. I tried, I tried really hard. I was a PlayCentre, (alternative to Kindergarten), Mother for years and put so much into bringing up our children. I remember getting them out of bed and rugging them up in their cosy robes to view the wonder of a hard frost on a brilliantly sunny, cold, clear, early morning. I taught them to like spiders and be full of wonder at their cleverness and when they were older & I outed my extreme arachnophobia they didn't believe me at first. There were also the times when I spread the Saturday paper on the floor and spent all day looking for a job and working out how I could run away to the city and be free! My weight fluctuated with my mood and our daughter reminded me that she was only 13 when I took her to her first WW meeting. What was I thinking of? It didn't work and we are both more than 40 kg overweight now.

We have experienced many family upsets, death of 5 family members from cancer in a 3 year period, loss of two businesses that were full of promise and much heartbreak around our children. TWJ has seemed like an immovable rock through it all but that in itself has sometimes driven me bananas. I am the stress artist for both of us big time. And I have often wondered why I am still here, still believing that marriage is worth the effort. Then I look at the bigger picture and I know that neither of us would be happy trying to live apart and the stress of building a different life is not worth the effort. I have seen the fallout from broken marriages and I don't want that over our children. I know they wonder why we stay together sometimes but I also know how devastating it would be for them if we did separate.

NB I am not condemning those who do separate and divorce because I have seen how for some people it is the only sensible thing to do ..... just that for me it would be wrong, wrong, wrong!

TWJ & I enjoy each others company, we have learned to not crowd each other as we have many different interests and opinions. Above all there is a love between us that over-rides all the angst and pain that comes with the close relationship of two very different people.

So 45 years it will be tomorrow, and I feel kind of sentimental.

This little pig has guts ache. That is putting it politely. I can't remember when I last felt this uncomfortable from overeating. We started well. He had 3 oyster shots I had tomato stuffed with feta & olive. On to the main and he had sword fish on mash & I had chicken porcini 0n mash & we shared salad. We were given complimentary bubbly so I was feeling quite swooney by now. Then we moved onto dessert. After all we only go out for a celebratory meal once in a blue moon. I had tiramisu ... delicious but a rather large serving so I ate it all, he had icecream in brandy snap baskets and topped it off with Carribean coffee for him & hot chocolate for me. Now I suffer the pangs of on overfull stomach. No sympathy required ..... self inflicted pain so please ignore. Was it worth it. Depends how you look at it. We needed to do something to remember and TWJ had to choose. I think we have celebrated well and there is still tomorrow to do something even more exciting than eating.

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